House v Pension

[LeavesBlowingInTheWind]

Just wondering how others have managed?
STBXH wants to keep his pension in lieu of the house. They are of similar value so thats ok.
But he keeps bleating on about not having any equity .
I dont want to see him homeless and am curious how others have managed when one partner effectively looses their home?

I am not in your position but have been married decades so if our marriage ended I would be in a similar position. I don't think you should feel bad. Presumably you have had a long relationship, possibly taken a career hit because of being a mother etc. Just take the equity in the house and if he continues to make comments explain to people that you gave him the option of sharing the equity and pension sharing but he chose this option. If he has a good pension he won't be homeless, he will buy another place or rent.

Dh and I are separated and in process of divorcing. We have agreed to split equity 65/35 in my favour and he keeps all his pension. We have one dc who is living with me and he pays (minimum) child support. He also bleats about not having a house until I remind him he stands to get a chunk of the equity split plus he earns a REALLY good salary, three times more than me and can easily buy another house if he wanted.
He STILL thinks he should walk away with most of everything even though he only managed his high powered job as I was default childcare/cleaner plus working aswell.

Most women I know who have gone through this situation say the same story, men do not give women any credit for their contribution during the marriage and really begrudge women walking away with ANYTHING. If he carries on with his bullshit call his bluff and let a lawyer sort it out, because they will definately advise you to take everything you are entitled to, including a portion of his pension.

Need more information really. How old are you both, are there children, how much do you earn? I got 90% house equity and half my ex’s pensions in return for a clean break. My ex earned 3 x my salary and the judge ruled 10% would give him a deposit and he could buy with a mortgage, I could only raise a small mortgage. We were also in our 50sand had been married 20+ years. Probably a good idea to see a solicitor and get an idea of what would be fair in your situation. Don’t sell yourself short!

Make sure you're not being bamboozled on the pension stuff (sorry I don't mean to patronise you) as STBXH's are very good at eeking out / massaging the facts. Your solicitor should have looked at everything he's disclosed and advised you accordingly. Does your solicitor agree with what you've agreed with STBXH? When you say the pension is a similar value to the house are you referring to the transfer value? Have you actually seen the letter from the pension administrator confirming the transfer value? Is it a DB scheme? They're as rare as hen's teeth now and I'd really think hard about that decision. Your age and stage are key here though (as is his).

Just agreed finances with stbxh. I am keeping the house and he is keeping his pension. But... l am taking over the remaining mortgage myself and getting a top up so l can give him capital to use as a deposit.

Capitial i.e ready money (house) is viewed by the courts as being worth more than pension money even if they are the same amount.

Wow, so he quite literally wants to take one cake and also to whinge about it getting a bite of your cake?

I think you need to adopt a business attitude. This is really easy arithmetic. If he can't grasp it, that's his issue.

Whinge about NOT getting....^

Be very wary.Pensions seem a long way off and a house a more immediate need. But be careful you don't end up with a mortgage you can't afford and an impecunious old age.

Also, the transfer value is a very crude instrument of measuring value. The true value could be a lot more, especially if it is a final salary scheme and DH is in the police, armed forces, teaching, banking, civil service etc. Your solicitor should suggest commissioning an actuary's report to ascertain the true value.

You would be unwise to give up any claim on the pension, especially if you can't afford to pay much into one yourself. Fast forward and your ex will be living the high life and you will be scratching around with nothing.

Just to add... l am getting some of his pension back plus l do have my own pension.... nowhere near his in value though as l have been part time for years. My intention is to eventually downsize once the children have flown the nest and the profit will be my pension

You need advice from your solicitor as every couple's case is different.

Just to confirm what others are telling you, do not trade equity in the house for pension without proper professional advice.

I second what Rodrigo and others have said. In my case we looked at benefits on retirement, not current pension value, and splitting them equally which meant that I got significantly more than half my exH's pension. But each case is different. Don't sell yourself short.

Thanks everyone.
Married 20yrs, 3DC, seperated nearly 3 years ago. Yes, my career took a back seat to his, although I have always worked part time in some job or another.
He earns 3x my salary but says he can only take out a mortgage for 7 yrs due to his age and this makes the monthly payments exorbitantly high.
The FMH is being sold. DC and I currently living in a rental.

I have offered to take a 50% share of the equity and enter into a pension sharing agreement. This would give us both a hefty chunk to buy property and give me some security in retirement.

He does not like this idea either.

Yes, he wants his cake and a bite of mine!!
But I wont let him short change me.
Solicitor is on the case.

I just wondered how the 'pension keeping' partner normally house themselves.

Well mine is currently in a very nice rental that he is paying for, I am paying mortgage and bills on family house. He doesn't like this either. Be warned, he will not be happy with anything less than100% to him, so let your solicitor deal with it. Being amicable is mistaken for being a pushover so protect yourself and dc. Ignore his demands.

His Wh no is just that
He really is not your problem anymore
Only let your solicitor deal with him and please take their advice and stop 'being kind' to your ex because that way you are nit being kind to yourself

Have you got a lawyer ? You need one. A settlement MUST be fair to you, and a lawyer can deal with his bleating as well as ensure your interests are protected...