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Original poster

Cheats

48 replies

Lfh40 · 09/01/2018 17:45

I'm looking for advice please. If a person cheats with someone whilst married and thee other person they cheat with is single but is fully aware that the other person is married . Is it just the married person who's at fault.

OP posts:
greengorilla · 09/01/2018 17:47

That's really a personal opinion

BackInTheRoom · 09/01/2018 17:57

Both at fault.

Marital contract between spouses, implicit societal contract, that no one should come between man and wife. Also, if you feel guilty about it, it's obviously wrong.

DumbleDee · 09/01/2018 18:01

Both

WitchesHatRim · 09/01/2018 18:05

Both at fault but the person you are married to ultimately to blame.

Hernameisdeborah · 09/01/2018 18:05

Both at fault if the OW knows he is married.

ScreamingValenta · 09/01/2018 18:07

Others will disagree, but my personal view is that the unmarried party does not have any responsibility towards the betrayed spouse or society at large. The fault lies with the married party, who is breaking their contract with their spouse.

Having said that, the unmarried party would be very unwise to get involved with someone who could break a promise of that magnitude - it would not say very much for the person's general conduct or reliability.

Hernameisdeborah · 09/01/2018 18:08

Sorry, assuming we are talking about a female in a relationship with a married person, I may have jumped the gun though

FellOutOfBed2wice · 09/01/2018 18:10

Married partner at fault. Unmarried partner definitely guilty of not being very nice I guess but life is complicated, the ultimate fault has to lie with the married one.

bitzy12 · 09/01/2018 18:16

Both. I could be madly in love with someone but no way I could ever do anything unless he was 100% single. I couldn't deal with breaking up a family. I couldn't cause hurt to another women or her children. I understand that sometimes feelings can't be helped though. But me personally if the ow knows everything she's to blame too. She could choose to walk away. Instead she chooses to stay which makes her a part to blame in the hurt caused to others. My dad had an affair. Ow knew all along and enjoyed the hurt it caused my family. I blame her more than my dad.

NotTheFordType · 09/01/2018 18:21

@Hernameisdeborah - are you saying that if it's a man in a relationship with a married woman, it wouldn't be unwise for him?

BackInTheRoom · 09/01/2018 18:25

@Lfh40

This is the thing OP, everyone looks at this scenario differently because we all have different upbringings, different world views. I grew up with a religion and things were very black and white. Not so black and white for me when I rebelled but some things stay with you? Because we live in a society where people get married and presumably still believe in marriage, If someone decides to come between a man and wife, they know what they're doing and it would 'feel' wrong?

Smeaton · 09/01/2018 18:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PNGirl · 09/01/2018 18:43

I think Deborah was just explaining why she wrote OW when the OP refers to a "person", yes?

I say both to blame. I wouldn't sabotage someone's job application or facilitate them being sacked because I wanted the job myself, whether I knew them or not.

PuertoVallarta · 10/01/2018 10:57

Agree with Smeaton.

Offred · 10/01/2018 11:09

Both are ‘at fault’ in the general sense, but the fault the betrayed partner should be concerned about is their cheating partner.

Bub3017 · 10/01/2018 12:52

I found out my partner cheated this day last month and I can say I do not only blame him but the other party as she knew full that he had a partner and two children at home. She paid for the hotel room they stayed in and for the meal they had that night. Do not get me wrong he is still to blame as well but so is she!

WitchesHatRim · 10/01/2018 12:56

Do not get me wrong he is still to blame as well but so is she!

He is to blame more.

No one is saying OW isn't to blame at all, but the most blame is at the door of the cheating partner.

SandyY2K · 10/01/2018 13:42

Both are wrong.

Original poster
Lfh40 · 23/01/2018 15:05

Looking for advice again last week I dropped my son of back with his mum she called me by a nick name that everyone has for the last 10 + years. My new partner seemed to take offence by it

OP posts:
yetmorecrap · 23/01/2018 15:25

Married person at fault, other person guilty of being ‘complicit’

BackInTheRoom · 23/01/2018 15:28

Your new partner needs to get over it.

Original poster
Lfh40 · 24/01/2018 10:24

Does any one else think I'm in the wrong for getting slightly arsie for wanting to know why my partner and I can't go to bed before 1 and 2 am when we are up for 6.30 . Aparantly I'm behaving like a petulant child

OP posts:
OakIsBetterTho · 24/01/2018 10:26

I would say both, if the OW is aware of the man being married. Obviously the married party is more at fault but neither are innocent.
Also, your partner sounds utterly useless.

Offred · 24/01/2018 10:31

Wut? Confused

JaneJeffer · 24/01/2018 10:50

I agree with Smeaton.

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