If you were me, would you be upset about it ...

[Definitelynotalovestory]

I got married last year...a very low key wedding. We had 20 guests, only parents, siblings...etc...We had a daughter already so that was the reason we didn't want a big wedding and also because we are not made of money..the wole thing has costed 1 grand + money we spent in holidays (the wedding was in France and we stay 2 weeks there)....out of our wedding we almost got 3 grands from our families as a wedding gift, which quite a lot no ???

We go back to England, we dispatches a bit the cheques we got between us to put it in the bank...some of them were on my maiden name and some others were on his name...don't ask me why they didn't put it in all the same name.

I was hoping to do a little trip with this money but when I asked about the money to my DH, he said nothing was left...that the money my parents gave..covered the money we spent in the wedding...and the rest was in various debt we had (debts I was not made aware of even if I asked few times about our financial situation)....so nothing left at all..I was stunned, I tought we could afford this wedding but we couldn't even a small one...but he could afford to go to a stag do with his mates which I found out costed 400 quids...

Sorry for the long rant but can you understand why I'm upset and bitter ???

I's a good attitude not to rely on handouts, but if you're entitled to benefits you may as well claim them. How about phoning to ask what you would be entitled to?

Do you mean Child Tax Credit? You have to be careful with that one as you have to pay it back if your income exceeds your predictions. It's only a relatively small amount but the year before last I predicted our income would be less than £60K and it wasn't, so I had to pay back the £545 they'd given me over the year.

And yes - your English is great

Ma francais? C'est merde!

Definitelynotalovestory,
I'm feeling really for you at the moment.

I only work part time (very small amount of hours, and not even every week), and my dh is earning a good amount,covering what we need month for bills etc.

we have got a joint account, but we try to let each other know how much we have spent etc (as we do budget).

Ask your dh to have a joint account, and your reasons?
We are married,
Not working any more due to ml

HTH

Message withdrawn

Message withdrawn

I should think so... I must admit I found my dealings with them a bit long winded and painful! If you can afford it, it would better not to claim for a year or wildly overestimate your earnings so that you don't get paid too much Child Tax Credit. They pay you anything you're owed the following year so it all evens out in the end.

If you look on the information pack (we usually get sent about 6!) there will be the phone no. of the office you have to contact. Have both your NI numbers handy, plus your tax coding notice etc.

Summerfruit - he's probably a good old fashioned chivalrous gentleman - he just needs to join the 21st century!

Message withdrawn

Sounds weird to me. I do know one family for whom this arrangement seems to work well, but I think if you share your life with someone enough to marry them and have children together, then sharing everything else ought to come easily.

dh and I had a joint account right from when we bought our first house - we lived together for 6 years before we got married.

Now it's reached the point where he takes no real interest in our finances - I took over looking after everything when I wasn't working and he was happy not to have to be involved. Now, if he wants to buy something that costs more than a few hundred £, he just checks with me to make sure that there's money in the account. I bet if I asked him he wouldn't know how much gets paid into our account each month or how much we pay out on bills!

I suppose after so long together (20 years) we just know each other's values so neither of us worries about money.

You'll be fine - you sound as though you are quite sensible and I'm sure he's just trying to look after you in an old fashioned way. My dh was very worried about the whole pg/birth thing - you might find that your dh is just trying to be over protective.

Message withdrawn

Ahhh... but I was a SAHM for 12 years and my brain has turned to scrambled egg! You will have the last laugh - I had to get a job in the end before the egg turned bad!

good advice from everyone, in addition to this, and i speak from experience, i would phone up all your utilities, mortgage etc and just confirm that all your accounts are up to date.

Message withdrawn

Message withdrawn

Message withdrawn

Summerfruit - I'm really sorry, I didn't mean to scare you earlier talk about my friend and her situation. However, I do think it is a good thing this has come to a head now and you get things sorted - you can turn it around.

However, I do agree with cathcart about ringing electric, gas, telephone people etc. to check you are not behind with payments. My friends' dh hadn't paid the bills for a long time, my friend is now having to catch up as well as an overdraft he ran up, (in joint names so she is liable).

I really hope everything is OK for you and I am just being a doom monger, but it is better to check everything out now I think!!!

Message withdrawn

Hi - back for a quick look before bedtime...

Glad my squash story made you laugh, Summerfruit! Sounded like you needed cheering up. Did you speak to him about your feelings?