I've NC for this as I wouldn't want the people involved to identify me and link to other posts.
I'm not sure how to explain this without sounding like I am BU.
This situation is upsetting me so if I am U please don't be too harsh in your criticism.
This will probably be long so I don't drip feed but for context DH and I don't have much contact with either sets of parents as they are abusive but that's another thread in itself.
One of the reasons I'm feeling delicate about this is that we reluctantly saw my parents over Christmas at a large family gathering and they made a point of humiliating me and embarrassing me in front of everyone. We only stayed for two hours but I'm still upset about it now, it's made me feel vulnerable and isolated.
DH and I are late 40s, it's our second marriage each. We've been together for 3 years in total.
For some years before we met DH was the single one among his friends, they all met at school and have stayed in touch. Staying in touch mainly takes the form of the occasional text or email.
All of DH's friends are still married to their first wives so they've all been with their spouses for 15+ years and they are scattered across the country now.
We haven't spoken about it but reading between the lines I do think that his BF was support for DH during DH's acrimonious first divorce and subsequent time being single.
DH's ex wife divorced him on the grounds of unreasonable behaviour. In the past DH has mentioned that during their divorce proceedings his ex cited DH's time with his mates, specifically BF as an example of unreasonable behaviour but I don't think this formed part of the final grounds for divorce.
For the past 3 years when DH has seen his BF it has been with me and BF's wife, either at our house or theirs.
We see them maybe twice a year and it's fine, they aren't bad company.
BF frequently tries to arrange lads get togethers with DH at the centre of this.
I don't just mean the odd night out but holidays together.
BF wants them all to meet up at least every other month.
DH freely expresses his frustration with the constant push to meet up with BF's clear exclusion of wives and children but it's the same way that some people are with their families. It's ok for DH to complain about BF but if I even so much as make a joke about BF then DH jumps at me.
It's clear from the sparse take up and conversations that have happened in my presence that some of the other men find BF's frequent need for lads meet ups and breaks away ridiculous to the point of being offensive.
These are middle aged men with families, mortgages, jobs and all of the other things that go with living normal lives with children.
As an admittedly extreme example, BF has suggested they go to Oz for two weeks later in the year.
BF has made it clear this should be men only, no wives. Some of these men can't afford to go abroad with their families for their annual holiday.
This weekend will be the first lads day out DH has gone on since we met. It's not an overnight.
It's not the money I mind or the time with his friends as that's important for anyone.
DH has just come downstairs to see me about giving him a lift to the day out.
Fair enough, that was agreed.
DH then went on to complain about his BF and these lads meet ups, how BF is harking back to the past when they were young, he doesn't understand why BF doesn't want to spend time with his own family etc, etc.
I bit my lip and said nothing.
My frustration is that DH can complain about this but I'm wrong if I do even if I just join in with the joke.
I really mind the express exclusion of women, my friends include everyone and I would tell them I thought they were being unreasonable if they excluded men more often than occasionally.
I'm bothered that this may be the start of the days out, then weekends away, then holidays and on and on.