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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

desperate for 3rd child

54 replies

jellybeanJ · 02/01/2018 22:07

Hi all,

I am desperate for another but my husband is refusing. We have argued and argued. I have been to counselling to try and move on, but it has only helped a little. It has really soured our relationship. He feels guilty, and I feel resentful. Sometimes when we talk about it I feel there is a tiny glimmer of hope but most of the time it is a hard 'no'. I just don't know how to move on. It's ruining our marriage and I know I need to leave it, but I just can't.

OP posts:
PeanutBellyJam · 11/09/2022 16:37

jellybeanJ · 11/09/2022 15:37

I’m well and truly over it! Was just replying to someone who asked how things had changed over the years

Thanks for updating @jellybeanJ. It's always nice to see how a thread unfolded. So sorry to hear about your cancer diagnosis. Sending nothing but well wishes for you and your precious family for the future x

Winceybincey · 11/09/2022 17:46

jellybeanJ · 11/09/2022 15:37

I’m well and truly over it! Was just replying to someone who asked how things had changed over the years

I didn’t even realise this was an old post 🤣

I’m glad you’re over it now op 🤪

Tessie87 · 11/09/2022 21:04

jellybeanJ · 11/09/2022 13:02

I love life with my 2 children. Now they are older we have a whole new type of life, we can stay up late and aren’t ruled by naps and meal times! Holidays are so fun now and my husband and I aren’t constantly tired so we can just enjoy each other’s company. The children have an amazing bond with each other and I often think a third may have disrupted that. I was also diagnosed with cancer this year, which is early and treatable but it has made me realise how precious life is and how grateful I am to have my husband and 2 children and the life we have together. I don’t regret not having a third at all.

Thank you so much for the update. I’m sorry to hear you’ve been unwell; I can see how that massively puts things into perspective.
I’m so pleased to read that those feelings didn’t continue for you, it’s a real help. Thank you x

Hopeful199 · 18/10/2022 09:42

@jellybeanJ thank you so much for updating

I have struggled with infertility for 5 years after DC2 trying to get the family of 5 I dreamed of with a couple of MC’s along the way. Now the age gap is huge and as much as the longing for a third is so so strong, the fear of a 3rd after a big age gap is even greater (DCs now 7 and 10). I know it works for some, but I wanted them close together as a pack rather than a 2+1. (I am an only and had a horrible experience so hate the idea of recreating an ‘only in time’ situation). It makes my heart so heavy to draw a line but I know I need to. I need to focus on the incredible unit I already have and making the most of that. It is so nice to hear that you have made peace and are enjoying life as a 4 down the line.

I too am sorry to hear about your diagnosis. Great news that it is early and treatable but definitely helps put things into perspective. So hard to wrap your head around what might have been but now I am just racked with worry of how much would change. Thank you so much for sharing that you are happy with how it turned out and I hope I too feel the same way down the line xx

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