Friend's DH is rude

[wantthenailsoffnow]

Happy new year all.
Here goes. I have a really great friend who I have a lot in common with - she really is lovely.

We have been close for a number of years. The problem is that I come across her DH at work and he is never nice to me (often blanks me) and sometimes is downright rude. I have tried speaking with my friend about this and she said that he is just different in work environments and struggles with how to behave. She then says she never wants to discuss this again and basically doesn't want to know anything about how he is at work.
So when he is rude to me - do I ignore? Others tend to slag him off behind his back but I am trying to keep my mouth shut out of respect for my friend. So is my only option to put up and shut up?

Any advice gratefully received!!

Perfect! And who made the call in the end?

I think he’s having huge problems accepting you’re the same level as him.

Ah ok, he's behaving terribly. Looks like he wishes to be more senior than he is and objects to uou being on the same level as him and wishes to put you in your place which he perceives as more junior to him . Just keep managing it as you are.

He's an arsehole. One who feels he's superior to others. You can't change it. So stop trying.

Oh and your friend knows. He will talk to her. She knows he feels you should be beneath him.

I would make it my life’s work to make sure he knew that he was not senior to me. But it would probably make me more irritable. Better to rise above it probably.

My ex husband was rude to my friends.

He was busier although I didn't see it at the time. Looking back he clearly wanted to make my family and friends give up on me so that I was alone and more easy to hurt/ control.

Abusive not busier!

Gosh, reading that it's worse than it sounded from your initial post. Seems like he's being a dick as he's finding his feet and perhaps you're an easy target in his efforts to make himself look good as he gets established. You're going to have to keep strong and calm and not rise to it! Good luck.

Yeah, sounds like he is trying to dominate you at work. Doesn’t mean he’s abusive at home, although doesn’t mean he’s not but there are people who are completely different at work. I never know how they keep it up!

Doesn’t sound like he’ll be in the job long tbh - he sounds like an arrogant pain in the arse

He clearly thinks he's better than you. He sounds a sexist pig. I think give him enough rope and he'll hang himself. You don't need to mention him again to your friend but to be honest I don't see that friendship lasting as it sounds like there might be trouble with him at work that you'll need to take higher or to HR. I'd only see this friend without him, but as said how can it last with this elephant in the room. She probably told him your view on him and he's taking it out on you. Watch your back. If he's rude to you at work tell him straight. A small 'bite' back might make him correct himself. Or he'll up the ante and get himself into trouble for pushing it too far. Start keeping a note of his behaviour. If it was his job to do as you asked then you need a record of this stuff.

And don't let her being your friend stop you reporting him if needs be. If she brings it up tell her you didn't say anything as she didn't want to discuss it but you had no choice. If she can't accept that she's not a good friend. What an arse he is. The problems these people cause for no reason. Small dick complex in a man, I'm sure of it. He feels emasculated by you.

Thanks guys. Going to ignore and try to bite back if and when appropriate!

He sounds a right cock! Ignore him and pull him up on work related arsiness

I'd be surprised if it went further to some form of disciplinary or something to report, that's stretching it into crystal ball territory, he's trying to prove his superiority and doesn't want to align with you, he wants to align with the bosses.

I've seen this behaviour before. It seldom goes unnoticed. And management don't like people that can't work with their colleagues. I'd rise above it and take no bullshit but politely and leave it there.

Don't say anything to her anymore though as it will be getting back to him.

take no bullshit but politely

So how would look like when he blanks a question or walks away without a word, I wonder? I never know myself how to deal with the superior 'blankers'.

'how would THAT look like'

That is not acceptable work behaviour.
He is treating you with contempt, as beneath him and his notice.
Seriously, I hope your bosses take more notice of this behaviour and actually take him to task over it because this is not the way anyone should behave to any other colleague. Does he do it to other women, or is it just you? Wondering if there's a level of sexism in the workplace going on.

Update. I've handed my notice in. Not due to this but means the problem is pretty much solved.
New incident this morning. He walked in on a meeting I was holding. I was mid-sentence and he interrupted me to talk about cars to a more senior colleague (whom i was addressing).

It was my meeting! I said 'oh, I will shut up then shall I?' And gave him a shocked look. In on ear, out the other!

I can’t think they will just accept this resignation without questioning, if I were you I’d absolutely drop him right in it