me time!

[VoidedWinter]

So I became a father again around 7 months ago and my son is amazing! I have an 8 year old from a previous relationship who I look after every other weekend.

My query today is on the topic of "me time".

My partner and I had a little tiff (shouting, storming out, not speaking, elbows in bed. You know, normal stuff!) all because I explained that I was being a little moody and withdrawn that day as I was beginning to feel tired, stressed, worn out and generally just a little despondent. This all linked to me not having a little time to do things I enjoyed, reading, watching films without falling asleep etc.

Now I did explain that I am well aware that this is how things are these days but just wanted my partner to be aware of how I was feeling, generally just wanting a reply somewhere along the lines of. I know, its poo, but it will get better.

Instead I got the, well you get to go to work everyday, and you don't wake during the night etc. (partners breastfeeding and I'm a really heavy sleeper, thunder from the gods is not like to wake me!)

Now before I get lynched, I am more than aware of the amazing job my partner is doing and try to let her know this most days. Yes I can be a little lax with housework but I do try my best to do things that need doing.

Now aside from me explaining how I felt, the argument kicked off because I was shouted from downstairs to come and give my partner a hand sorting out the wee ones dinner. I shouted back I was coming in a minute, as I was just putting away the ironing I'd been doing for the last hour and was sorting some clothing out from my eldests wardrobe (5-6 years pants for an 8 year old! they need chucking!)

When I got downstairs I was hit with a torrent of abuse for not coming when asked and leaving my partner to do everything. I realised my error and apologised, offering to help with anything else that needs doing, leaving my remaining ironing for a little while. Clearly this wasn't god enough and I got a little more abuse, which led to my partner storming off, not speaking to me, and me now seeking some help on here!

Did I do something completely wrong, am I being harshly treated?

thoughts and opinions greatly appreciated!

Listen, ‘me time’ is bollocks. You’re parents. There is no such thing as ‘me time’ or even ‘me’ any more.

You get on with it and do what needs to be done. When it’s done, you both get time. (In case you’re wondering, it never all gets done). Resign yourself to the fact that this is relentless. For both of you.

Katsuth What you have here is mansplaining in action

You remind me of Richard Madeley.

I'm not brave. But I am a parent, whether I'm the primary caregiver or not, surely my views are just as valid

I don't doubt that you have valid points. I just meant that men generally get a hard time on here.

If you were to post the same problem from a female perspective ...there'd be more sympathy. I've seen it happen so often.

I did absolutely everything I can to be helpful and to make her job easier. Cooking, Cleaning, Ironing, Bum changing etc. And logically my partner was still tried and cranky herself. And that chip resided on her shoulder.

This epitomises everything that is wrong here. Cooking, cleaning and bun changing are not her job. Yes, she is off work so will likely do more of those things while you’re at work, but when you are home those are your jobs to share. You seem to want a medal for your “lax” attempts at housework and caring for your own child. Those things are your responsibility as well as your partner’s and I bet she sees your attitude and it pisses her off. I’d have a chip on my shoulder too if my husband “helped me” do “my job” around the house.