Together in a shit relationship or single parent and happy???

[potatoes13]

Is it better for young children to be with happy single parents or miserable together ones?

My father in law (sort of, not married) thinks children need both parents to be present to have any chance in life.

My partner is a old fashioned (like his parents), lazy, miserable, bully (plus a bit of spit in your face, wish you were dead action a couple of years ago), after which I vacated the bedroom.

He has a difficult, responsible job, everyone at work thinks he's ace, at Home couldn't be further from it.

I know I need to leave the bastard, please share your left the bastard success stories!!!! 2 young amazing kids to take into consideration. Xxxx

Your children will still have two parents, that doesn’t change.

Having happier parents makes the world of difference.

I have 4 DCs, am the main care giver 99.99% of the time. My children understand how the dynamic at home has improved since their father left. We are all happier for it.

I have no family nearby - it’s really hard work. I wouldn’t change it.

My DM stayed with my bastarding bully of a dad until I left home. When she told me she had left him I was so, so happy for her! Now have no contact with my dad at all.

And my exh and I split 5 months ago.. another horrid bully and honestly it's heavenly being in my own house without him. The sense of freedom is incredible. I've since met so many happy single women in the same position. Honestly, if he makes your life more difficult, you do not need him!

So much better to be single and happy.

My friend has stayed with her H for a variety of reasons and her now adult daughter is suffering as a result of the hostility/lack of love she witnessed.My friend is an amazing woman and thought she mostly shielded her daugher but what she now realises is how much of energy and thought processes went into keeping up the facade.As a result her daughter didn't get the best of her mum.

She is now trying to rebuild her relationship with her daughter who is angry as feels both parents let her down.

Its so sad.

I left over a year ago as knew I couldn't be the mum I wanted to be if I was always on my guard.I believe I am a better mum now.

If there is abuse then the relationship has to end.No question about it.

Well of course it depends on the circumstances but if there is nothing preventing you from leaving (apart from you children) and they can see the abuse then it's better to leave so that they don't have to see that anymore.

I'm remarried now but I brought up DD1 alone for four years before I met my husband with no input from her father at all (his choice, lazy irresponsible arsehole)

Some of my fondest memories are of that time. I genuinely found it easier to parent on my own than with someone making my life miserable

Much much easier to be a single mum than a wife and a mum.
I’m in the same boat: unhappy parents who stuck together ‘for the kids’, I sort of believed in that as well.
We separated 2 years ago, never been happier!

I left and am pleased I did. It was awful walking on eggshells and dealing with my ex. However, I often see all the people on here commenting LTB and wonder how many of them have been single parents! It's hard work, it can be lovely, and unless he wants no contact the kids mean that unfortunately you have to carry on dealing with the ex. I'm not saying any of this to put you off-I wish I'd left earlier than I did!!! But just to think through in advance how you will handle it, where you will live, what support you will want etc.

Single parenting is often lovely but I meant lonely! I find not being with my dc every other Christmas hard but we just have an amazing run up to Christmas and new year instead!

I left an abusive 23 year relationship in July . Me and my 4 children are so much happier , I just wish I'd done it sooner .

My parents split up and then got back together again a few years later. I thought it would be bliss - it was hell! DD1 has split from her partner this year and although the first couple of months were tough, her DD has blossomed without her dickhead father. It is always better to be alone than miserable with someone who doesn't respect you. Do you want your DC to grow up thinking that your relationship is the norm? LTB.

Single and happy. I promise you, you won't regret it and you will never look back. Your children deserve it.

Breaking up is like childbirth - messy, painful and undignified, but it doesn't last long and it's worth it for the long term result.

I finally left DH after 18 years, and it was pretty ugly for a while (although the minute we were living apart it was MUCH better than living together), but now we are both happily remarried to much more suitable partners. So not only will it be the right thing for you, it might be the right thing for him.

Single and happy! I split with DD2s dad a few months ago (although we are still living together until financial matters are sorted). I just can’t wait to have my own house with my DDs. The relationship just wasn’t working and I don’t believe in ‘staying together for the children’, that just results in parents and children all being miserable. If you have tried, and it clearly isn’t working, then don’t stay.

I stayed until ours eventually imploded. It ended very very badly because of this. We are so much better on our own, we truly are. But time again I would have gone before it reached crisis point. Good luck you x

Your children will know something is up no matter how hard you try to hide it. My mother’s parents got divorced. She wishes they’d done it when she was a child her childhood was horrible because of their bitterness towards each other. My fathers parents didn’t get divorced but my dad wishes his mother had left his father.

2 parents can be present even when you split. You dc's can continue to receive love, safety and security from the both of you. You will be happier too.
I would just like to add...that was my plan and it was that way for about a year until my exh met someone else and now he is completely emotionally and physically non exsistant. He pays maintenance but doesn't support anything else, isn't interested. It's so sad, I didn't see it coming.
But....I have happy dc's who receive all the love, safety and security from me.
Good luck OP. It's not nice being unhappy and your dc's will see it too.

I was brought up by a single mum, NC with my biological father (who was, by all accounts, a philandering, abusive arsehole and my mum divorced him when I was a baby). I had a very happy childhood. I am now successful in my career, married to a lovely guy and just had my first baby. Genuinely don't understand why people think children need a terrible father. Much better to be single and happy IMO.

Ask your father in law that if a child needs two parents to have a chance in life, then what does that mean for widows/widowers? I utterly resent this attitude, my ex husband walked out when our son was weeks old so I had no choice about being a single mother so does that write him off automatically?
My son (who does still have good contact with his father) is thriving and a happy, popular, polite lad who is loving university and is an active part of the family when Home despite me being single for the first 12 years of his life.

Another vote for single and happy. For me the only difficult thing was the financial side, but it was the right decision. My ex has maintained regular contact with the DC and I honestly don't think it has adversely affected them.

I disagree with the majority opinion on here, and I’m really sorry. I feel like beefing away from the dichotomy on here, and people might think I’m trolling or whatever but I’m not.

I think that unless there is abuse children are happier when their parents are together.

And I think happy mum = happy child is a complete load of horse shit, it’s just an excuse for parents to do what THEY want and tell themselves the kids will be fine.

Single and happy.

p.s. you FIL is using any pressure he can think of, to keep you tied to your marriage. That in itself, is for me, an argument in favour of showing yourself how much better your life would be without your current partner.

Really used ? Happy mum = happy child is horseshit??

So sad, unfulfilled, resentful mum = happy child? Growing up in a house where parents hate each other and there is a constant tense atmosphere = happy child?

And why shouldn’t parents do what they want?

@usedtogotomars

I think you probably need another trip!

Misery breeds misery. So unless you are being beaten up or emotionally ruined you can’t leave your partner?

As a parent you should be showing your children how to build healthy relationships with others. Being unhappy isn’t healthy.