How to switch off the self destruct button

[NK1cf53daaX127805d4fd5]

I'm in an unhappy marriage and am making plans to leave in 2018. In the meantime I seem to be using my phone or nights out as an escape mechanism.

I'm literally on my phone all day long and I've been out every weekend since mid November. When I go out I'm drinking to excess and getting really drunk to the point I don't remember the night. I've not done anything stupid but am getting teary at the end of the night and just don't seem to know when to stop drinking or go home. A lot of my friends are party people so I wouldn't be the only one in that state.

I am going to counselling for my marriage but want 2018 to be about taking care of myself. Just wondering if anyone has gone through this or has any advice.

I think just be kind to yourself, decide the new year will be different.

Hi NK. Went through this when I hit 39. It was literally like I’d lost the plot and went wild! I don’t think the drinking helps - when I’m out I drink so much that I get total amnesia. I don’t even remember bumping into people. No real advice but I think it’s a symptom of other things going on in your life (an unhappy marriage is an extremely stressful situation to be in). I’m starting to calm down but my marriage is over and I’ve nearly lost everything - but not quite. Hoping for calm and serenity in 2018 x

Thanks itsa and back. I turned 40 this year so maybe that's part of it as well. I just want a peaceful 2018.

Start taking the largest doses of vitamin B you can safely take and then stop drinking. Alcohol depletes Vitamin B and so you get depressed when you aren't drinking.

If you want a fresh start you need to talk about what has gone wrong. Counselling is a good way to go, partying is probably helping reclaim what you lost in years though so don’t beat yourself up about it

Coyo thanks I'll look into Vitamin B. I'm also going to try and go to bed earlier and eat better.

Thanks Why. I've always been the life and soul of the party but seem to be taking it to the extreme lately and want to rein it in.

If it helps, I and a lot of my friends seem to have gone a bit mad round the 40 mark. Maybe just set a limit on say once a month?
Counselling is a good plan. When my marriage is in a bad place I always seem to come rolling in at 3am too. Then I hate myself for it, as I’m old enough to know better.

One thing at a time. The phone thing won't hurt you, concentrate on nutrition and not drinking to excess. I found yoga helpful, and making time for good food, maybe vegetable soup in the slo-cooker or something, doesn't have to be complicated, just stock up your vitamin intake. Berocca made me feel better, especially if I hadn't made time or had the inclinination to cook. When I got rid of XH, I felt a lot better.

NC4 - once a month sounds good. I've made a NY resolution to alternate between alcoholic and non alcoholic drinks on a night out. That's a start.

Sponge thanks. Yes I think having stbxh around is not helping my stress levels but until such time as he is able to leave I need to start eating and sleeping well and looking after myself. Can be a NY resolution.

Good. Have you started doing it yet?

I am dosed with a really bad cold but have already cancelled a night out for this weekend and plan to have a dry January for a change. Will implement the healthy eating plan once the cold is gone.

I’m in a similar boat as it happens. And also have a cold.
Do you do any exercise? I try and get to the gym a few times a week to deal with it all. As my trainer says, I always leave feeling better than I did when I walked in.
One night out a month, no drinking in the week (I don’t always succeed with this), one night drinking at the weekend.
The main thing is the counselling though, and making lots of nice plans for yourself. I’ve just been going through Airbnb looking at places to stay near my out of town friends. Some of my one night a months will be visiting my oldest friends that I don’t see enough of.
Next I’ll plan some kind of holiday with my kids for the summer.
Just think what you’d like to do this year and get it in the diary.
My default when things are a bit shit is to turn into a total party animal but it’s not always the most productive outlet, so I need to rein myself in.

NC4 sounds like you are progressing much better than me. I'm not in the gym but am planning to join. I'm also planning Dry January and have cancelled going out plans this Sat night. I'm definitely going to alternate non alcoholic with alcoholic drinks as well from now on. I've always been a party person but I really need and want to remember conversations after a night out.

Are you having a rough time too?

I’m a work in progress! I’m a big believer of one step at a time (and allowing room to fall off the wagon occasionally).

Yes, rough time here too. I think I may have to end my marriage but there’s a lot to deal with.

So I’m working on myself and my circumstances and trying to keep a fairly straight head.

It’s not nice and this sodding cold isn’t helping. I can’t wait to get back in the gym. A decent wear-myself-out session, rounded off with a swim and a sauna always clears my head.

Good luck with everything x

And good to luck to you too. Sounds like we both have a hard year ahead of us x

Have totally hit the self destruct button this xmas - too much alcohol and made some very stupid decisions which have been harmful to me. Am waking with sweats and palpitations and I’m not sure if it’s the alcohol in my system or my behaviour that is startling me. Both probably. I cannot go out for a while I don’t think. Wine is particularly toxic for me and changes my behaviour completely. Going to attempt dry jan but am joining WW so even if I do drink (not wine) I’m going to make sure it is a small amount as I really want to look better this year.

Will try the vitamin b too.

Good luck everyone x

Back sorry to hear this. I've made some stupid decisions too and acted completely out of character this Christmas. I just want to pull myself together now and have a clear head for 2018 as I need as much energy as possible. Wine is particularly evil for me. I can't drink it at all.

NK,

I feel exactly the same. Acted totally out of character but it’s becomimg more frequent when I drink. You’re probably being v hard on yourself as I am - sending a virtual hug 🤗 xxx

Back virtual hug right back at you. At least we are aware of it and are putting in measures to prevent it happening again.

I think all of us have done this when going through a tough time. My friends even pulled me up on it. but they understand. everyone understands.

Thanks Just. My mother has pulled me up in it but says she understands why I want/need to get out of the house. I'm afraid friends are just silently thinking it.

I just want a quieter 2018 but already friends are asking when we can get together in 2018. I've lots of sets of friends but all together it can be quite demanding to meet up.

Thanks Just. People definitely noticed it with me. I thought I was over the worst of it but I’ve relapsed this xmas. Not good. My friends don’t actually know lots of it 😞. I do tho and sometimes the worst place to be is in your own head.

NK - I’m going to try to have my friends over and cook for them rather than going out. I’ve placed a prosecco ban on myself too - I’m bad on wine; horrendous on prosecco.

Have a calm day all 😘

Back good idea to have friends over. I'm actually not bad on Prosecco funnily enough. But wine is just horrendous for me!