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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

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32 replies

Mcglovin · 30/12/2017 22:40

Do you think it's ok for my girlfriend to message certain men from her work on fb and deny she doesn't ever message them!

OP posts:
Babyblues052 · 30/12/2017 22:43

Depends. Why is she messaging them? Is it about work ECT? What is your reaction to get messaging them? Has she always hidden it or has your reaction made her hide it?

Babyblues052 · 30/12/2017 22:45

*her not get

Insomnibrat · 30/12/2017 22:46

If she's denied it, how do you know she did it?

BewareOfDragons · 30/12/2017 22:47

I think the first question has to be why are you looking at her FB account ... how do you know who she's messaging? It makes you sound controlling if you're regularly checking up on her ...

Original poster
Mcglovin · 30/12/2017 22:59

I have not been checking up on her she just unlocked her phone next to me on the sofa and the conversation was on the screen and no it was not about work.

OP posts:
NormaNameChange · 30/12/2017 23:07

If she's unlocking her phone next to you, doesnt sound like shes hiding much. Why shouldn't she message other people, or is it just men she shouldn't talk to?

Babyblues052 · 30/12/2017 23:14

Okay if you dont give more context then the only responses you're going to get is that you sound controlling and what's the problem with her messaging men?

If your problem is that she's messaging men even if it's just friendly and not crossing a line I can see why she's denying it.

Original poster
Mcglovin · 30/12/2017 23:20

So babyblue52 you would be fine with your husband messaging other women on fab

OP posts:
Original poster
Mcglovin · 30/12/2017 23:21

So babyblue52 you would be fine with your husband messaging other women on fb if so i don't need to worry about it

OP posts:
Babyblues052 · 30/12/2017 23:22

If it was friendly and not crossing a line, yes I would.

Babyblues052 · 30/12/2017 23:24

Why would I not be? I have absolutely no reason to think he would do/say anything he shouldn't. You havent said if you have any particular reason you don't like her messaging these men from her work. From what you've said you're the problem

Insomnibrat · 30/12/2017 23:25

You sound jealous and possessive. This relationship won't last unless you start giving her more credit.

Maybe she has lied because she wants to avoid an interrogation.

runningtogetskinny · 30/12/2017 23:26

I sometimes message men I work with as well as men I run with, it's no different to talking to them if I see them. My husband doesn't care, I have a stressful job and sometimes message people after a shift

Original poster
Mcglovin · 30/12/2017 23:27

Ok thanks from what I read her reply was always 10 minutes after his message. Thanks for the replies

OP posts:
Littlechocola · 30/12/2017 23:29

I work in an all male environment. I’m friends with most of my colleagues on fb. Dp is friends with his female colleagues. Neither of us give a shit.
You sound like my ex.

HeelsHurt · 30/12/2017 23:29

Why would she deny it? Have you had trust issues before?

PinkAvocado · 30/12/2017 23:31

Did she deny it even though you saw it whilst sat next to her?

I have male friends who I message and my DH has female friends whom he does. I don’t know what he says in them but I also am not anymore interested in what he says to female friends than what he says to male ones!

venys · 30/12/2017 23:32

I dont think it's a problem. I was often friends with both guys and girls at work, socialising etc. I have been with my OH for a million years though so he's not bothered. You gotta get on with your workmates, it's not like you can avoid them each day!!

Original poster
Mcglovin · 30/12/2017 23:34

I'm actually female and it was my husband messaging a female on fb and it was not about work I was just seeing the reaction I received

OP posts:
MyKingdomForBrie · 30/12/2017 23:35

slow hand clap

LoveforPGTipsMonkey · 30/12/2017 23:36

so if you saw the messages, how could she deny it? do you mean deny it that it was anything inappropriate?

MamaBearto2 · 30/12/2017 23:36

Men and women can be friends without something going on but denying doing it is just wrong

Notmyrealname85 · 30/12/2017 23:37

Interesting how if a man posts this he’s automatically called controlling etc but we often see the same from female posters and no one raises that point

Insomnibrat · 30/12/2017 23:44

The OP seems jealous and possessive no matter what sex they are.

The behaviour is wrong, not the sex.

PinkAvocado · 30/12/2017 23:45

Notmyrealname-I’ve seen plenty of threads where women have been told they’re being controlling for exactly that actually!

So do you feel clever now, Mcglovin?

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