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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Ex partner threatening suicide .

31 replies

whatislove · 30/12/2017 11:35

We split up 5 months ago after he had yet another affair . He left for the other woman and hasn't seen our 3 kids in 4 months.
He got in contact with me via Facebook last month and it has varied between telling me he hates me , threatening me and telling me he loves me . I have made it clear I'm not intrested in a relationship but I do want him involved with kids . He has for last few weeks been threatening to kill himself I'm at the end of my tether with it I wake up every day to these messages and go to bed every night worrying about it . He calls at all hours during the night but I have learned to switch phone on silent.

I have no idea where he is he claims he's in England (I'm in Scotland) which is his excuse for not seeing the kids. He claimed he was in a mental hospital but I think fact he calls most nights drunk indicates this is a lie.

What can I do I have no idea where he is to alert relevant people to his mental state .
I should add he has arrest warrant out for missing court . So he knows if police catch up with him he will he remanded until court.
He blames me for this as the charge is for causing me fear and distress (he abandoned me and kids in car half hour from home with no coats kids had no shoes I had no money at all and it was pouring of rain , he had threatened me and I was scared so I called police for advice , he think I done wrong but I didn't see an alternative I sat in that car for 2 and half hours with 2 kids crying scared and cold. Begging him to return and take us home. He was threatening to kill himself then aswell and I told police that but he blatantly denied it .).

Wwyd?

I don't have many friends butbthe 1 I do have thinks I should just block him but I don't think I could knowing the bad place he is in. He keeps talking about Desmond speaking to him .I think he needs urgent mental health help.

OP posts:
TrojansAreSmegheads · 30/12/2017 11:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
whatislove · 30/12/2017 11:39

I don't have his number he's doing it via a fake Facebook account.

I feel responsibleConfused

OP posts:
snackarella · 30/12/2017 11:39

I would also block him but hand over any msgs to the police so they can investigate if they wish. No good can come from
Him being in your children's life in that state. Easier said than done I'm
Sure but remind yourself no normal
Man would think this is the right course of action after a separation.
Good luck s

Gingernaut · 30/12/2017 11:40

*i would block him.

i would report his threats to the police, give them his number and consider it in their hands.

you are not responsible for him.*

^This^

This is harassment and emotional abuse.

NC4now · 30/12/2017 11:42

Contact the police. It doesn’t matter that you don’t know where he is. They’ll find him.
If he is seriously ill mentally they will point him in the direction of support or section him if necessary.

MarmaladeAtkinsX · 30/12/2017 11:42

He might be unwell, but IMO I don’t think you can help him, especially as he is threatening you and then telling you he loves you.

Focus on your kids and rebuilding your life, maybe one day he will be mature enough and we’ll enough to be part of their lives - but not now.

Is there anyone in his family you can call? Tell them what you know and then block him and go NC until he sorts himself out.

If you’re time is taken up worrying about him it’s time you could be using to make your life easier and your kids - they need to be your priority.

NC4now · 30/12/2017 11:43

Cross posted.

You are not responsible. But if you contact the police you have taken responsible action and can turn your phone off, knowing you have done all you can.

princesssparkle1 · 30/12/2017 11:45

Give the police the details of the Facebook account and messages then block him and change your FB privacy settings so future messages from another fake FB account go to request. Then delete messages before you read them.

Job done.

CosmicCanary · 30/12/2017 11:45

I echo the above posters.
Inform the police then block him.

It is emotional abuse. You are not responsible.

TrojansAreSmegheads · 30/12/2017 11:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Cricrichan · 30/12/2017 11:49

Contact the police. If he's suicidal he could want to bring you and the kids down with him :(

Weezol · 30/12/2017 11:53

Sadly, I have lost several male friends to suicide. Not one of them issued threats in advance, they just did it. He is using this as a way to continue to harass you and scare you.

As PP have said, pass the details of the FB account and phone to the police and block him. They will be able to trace him from the mobile phone location or FB IP address and pick him up. So, on the miniscule chance that he is having MH problems he will be in a place of safety and will be seen by medical staff.

AhJaysus · 30/12/2017 11:54

What a loser.
I hate this kind of gobshite behaviour.
I'd be handing him the rope / pills / knife / gun and would then sit back with popcorn and a beer to watch - except that would implicate me in his clusterfuck of a failed life.

let the police handle it.
did i mention that hes'a total loser twatty chops?

RandomMess · 30/12/2017 11:57

Come off Facebook for a while Thanks

Or ask what he needs to commit suicide with... offer to post it to him. It's manipulative bullshit.

PawsyMcPawFace · 30/12/2017 12:09

Yep manipulation. What a twat. I wish you could see it. Send messages to police and then block completely. You are not responsible for him or his actions. He's a big boy now.

PawsyMcPawFace · 30/12/2017 12:11

AyJaysus - you'd be disappointed as he'd still be alive at the end of it and you know it Grin

Rainbowmother · 30/12/2017 12:15

As everyone is saying, tell the police all the details then come off social media for a little while.

He can't mess with your mind if he can't reach it.

This is abusive. Can you contact his family to tell them to take over?

SandyY2K · 30/12/2017 12:20

Reports to the police and deactivate FB and any other social media.

He's abused you enough.

Original poster
whatislove · 30/12/2017 12:20

I know he's manipulating me . Our whole relationship was based on emoitional abuse . After he left he denied all knowledge or anyone else and strung me along for weeks telling me he just needed a break etc. He's really nasty he says some horrible things and as much as I hate him I worry if he does go through with it that the kids will blame me 🙈.

He has no contact at all with me for over 3 months and I must admit they where 3 blissfull months. The kids struggled alot initially but they are in a good place now and yous are right I need to focus on them this stress and worry is not what I need. He called me on Christmas eve /day at 1am I spent 4 hours on phone convincing him not to kill himself he was full of love . Next might he calls at 5am and tells me he hates me he never loved me he never wanted kids , he was glad our baby had died I had mc just before split. And how he would never see kids again .

He has no family his parents are dead his eldest brother committed suicide over a decade ago and his remaining sibling have went nc.

Would I be best going into station and explaining this all to them ? .
He has also been threatening me in regards to court telling me not to appear this was prior to him missing it though. And he has today started threatening to send intimate photos of me to my family and friends . I really can't put up with much more but I don't want to push him over the edge .

OP posts:
YuleBeSorryInTheMorning · 30/12/2017 12:22

Report the facebook profile details to police then block him. Lock down your privacy settings on fb so randomers can't easily find you. Don't add anyone you don't know. Block any account he tries to contact you with.

You are not responsible for his actions. Currently he is not in a position to be any sort of father to your kids. He needs to sort himself out. He cannot continue to abuse you whilst he does this.

YuleBeSorryInTheMorning · 30/12/2017 12:27

Send anything you have threatening message wise to the police.

I know someone whose ex did kill himself. He didn't threaten he just did it. Multiple threats to do it are a sign of emotional manipulation. He wants to know that you still care about him even though he's a colossal asshole.

Don't play the game. Block him, report him. Someone who is this abusive will bring no good to either your life or that of your kids.

YuleBeSorryInTheMorning · 30/12/2017 12:30

Btw her kids are fine. As are others I know who lost a parent to suicide. It's hard and it's difficult but I know more people who are fucked up by continued emotional abuse by a parent or parents than the absence by a parent, whatever the circumstances.

Original poster
whatislove · 30/12/2017 12:32

I'm going to block him now . I do feel responsible and he's claiming he has no one or nothing but he's clearly staying with someone and has enough money to be completely drunk every single night.

My guessing is whoever he is staying with is away over Christmas (the new girlfriend I'm guessing) which is why sudden increase in phone calls and threats of suicide .

OP posts:
princesssparkle1 · 30/12/2017 12:34

I do feel responsible

Then pass his messages to the police and let them help him

Original poster
whatislove · 30/12/2017 12:34

YuleBeSorryInTheMorning That's good to know as it's my main worry , I can't imagine my kids going through that which is why I'm trying everything I can to prevent it. I suppose best I can do is cut him out and make sure they are strong enough to face whatever comes .

OP posts: