So sick of DH taking no responsibility

[NK1cf53daaX127805d4fd5]

Rant alert. I am so sick of DH. I am sick of him anyway but he takes responsibility for anything and won't make a decision but if my decision is the wrong one it's all my fault.

• Won't go clothes shopping on his own but when I go with him dismisses everything I pick and hisses under his breath
• If we are doing anywhere I sort out the kids and he will go out to the car and will look surprised if it needs to be defrosted or delisted
• Never brings money anywhere and frequently forgets his phone/wallet
• Procrastinates so much that he either thinks he has done the thing or forgets to do it. Can't be relied on for anything
• Proclaims to be tecchy (it's his area) but does nothing if anything breaks and gets angry if I ask BIL

They are just a few examples. There are many many more but is this behaviour normal or are all partners like this. Am at the end of my tether. I always have to be 20 steps ahead to pre-empt anything and it's exhausting.

staples that just sounds horrendous. I understand your reasons for staying at the moment, but can you make a long-term plan, if only in your head, with a date/year in mind? If your teens (early or late?) know things are this bad, it won't come as a shock to them when you do eventually separate.

OP, sorry to be responding to another poster on your thread, but you seem to be a bit more sorted! I wish you all the very best for 2018 and really do hope that this is the year you leave him and start your new life.

Every time I hear of someone getting it together like NK (the OP), I feel better about it all. Thanks Ms - I do have a plan, well, an option - in a few years time our mortgage expires and because of our ages we can't get another one, but we cannot pay this one off - we owe too much as of now. So I am thinking when that happens the DCs will be early 20s, we can make decisions then - which one of them will need accommodation and with which parent, or alone, or are they both staying etc., then I can decide. So that's a sort of plan, but as my husband is older I am worried that in a few years time I will already have become his carer with no escape route. That has happened to a friend of mine.

Still, I keep planning, I look at it from all angles regularly and forecast and read the entrails, we shall see. OP gives me hope!!

Ms thanks for posting. I certainly don't feel sorted at all and seem to have spent since NYE crying. Thanks for all your good wishes.

Staples it's great you have a vague plan of what you might/could do. If it is viable for you to go now I wouldn't let teenagers hold you back. My 2 DC live in a beautiful house in a beautiful area but I don't think we will be able to stay here. I know it will d hard and we won't have as much money but I think we'll be happier.

I rarely post on Relationships (I’m currently happily married so don’t feel I have much to offer) but I hate hearing about people feeling trapped in miserable relationships.

staples I’m pleased you have a semi-plan and hope you can get out before it’s too late. Thirty years is a hell of a long time to be stuck with somebody like your husband - please don’t let it be another thirty. Living in a one bedroom flat by yourself (sorry, but when your DCs are in their 20s, they’ll just have to sort themselves out with accommodation) will feel as though you’ve been released from prison!

NK FWIW, I think you’re doing amazingly well. I sincerely hope you do find the courage to leave this year. I believe you will.

Ms thanks so much for taking the time to post in here. The support really helps. I had a good chat to my Mum today and she is supportive of me so that helps too.

I just need to summon up the courage/energy to see this all through

NK I am living vicariously through you so I am 110% behind you I hope it works out.

And thank you to NK and those who have been kind enough to include me in the thread.

Thanks Staples. There seems to be so many of us on here unfortunately. Weekends are hard because it puts pressure on us to spend 'family' time together. Am looking forward to school/work resuming tomorrow for some peace.

Rant alert: Once again it comes as a huge surprise to DH that the car needs to be de-iced before bringing the kids to school. He also told DS that he was having no screen time today just before they left cue DS having a meltdown and going to school upset. He just thrives on being late and drama and chaos.

He's only here this morning because I need a lift to a medial appointment. Roll on when I pass my test so he doesn't need to be here at all. I've a big knot in my tummy with the stress and I'm sure DCs do too.