Boyfriend said he's not happy with me but not happy without me.

[soontobemrsmckeown]

Been with him 7 months and have lived together from day 1. He said to me yesterday that when he is with me he isn't happy with me but when he isn't with me ie on a night out or at work he isn't happy as he isn't with me and comes home early from a night out. In that 7 months we have spent 2 nights away from each other and both times he gas come back a day early after saying he was spending two nights away from me saying he misses me. I don't know what to think of this? Any advice?

Not to drip feed he says he lives me and can see alot of potential in our relationship for the future and wants it to work. I live him to bits and don't want to loose him.

He says he loves me not lives me.

Why did you move in together after 1 day of dating?!
Anyway - sounds like he maybe has insecurities about being alone, but he’s not sure deep down that you are the one for him. I’d be ending it if someone said that to me as I wouldn’t ever want to be an “option” for someone whose heart isn’t fully in it

Has he said what makes him unhappy when you together? Do you generally get on well or do you argue? And do you do things together that are fun?

kick this idiot to the kerb... he's playing house.. whilst test driving the goods...

Agree with indigo

It sounds like co-dependency, which is not healthy. Do you both have your own friends and activities you do apart?

A healthy relationship is not being together 24/7, it’s having interests away from each other too, and encouraging the other to do things they enjoy and not emotionally manipulating them into giving up things which matter to them.

He has never lived with someone full time all the time and is use to having a few days away from all his previous partners a week. On the hole we get on well have a few arguments but wouldn't be normal if we didn't. We play pool together and snuggle on the sofa watching tv. We go for meals and cook together. And go on days out with my daughter.

Ugh this sounds like way too much hard work only 7 months in. It sounds very much like game playing, treat 'em mean keep 'em keen childish type bullshit.

Seriously, could you imagine another 5/10 years of feeling this confused, questioning his motives, doing anything to make him happy, hoping he shows you a little bit of love? I couldn't, I'd be out the bloody door like a shot!!

I'm not going to jump in and say it's too much too soon, my DP and I have lived together since day one and we are still very happy 9 years later, but I'm sure there are many people who don't agree with me. Saying that though, our relationship has always been pretty simple - I love him, he loves me, we talk when something pisses us off and we don't play games. I don't think you're quite there.

Did you move this man in with your child after your first date?

I think you can say too much too soon when there's a child involved

How exactly did you end up living together from day 1?

He's a dick, and you - at the very least - make poor judgments.

All too rushed. Sounds like he’s trying to put the brakes on, which I totally get.

You're a pair of idiots to be honest. What were you thinking?!

How did you come to be living together from day 1???? Sounds like he doesn’t really like you tbh and is just keeping his options open.

10 months ago you were still living with your husband (presumably your DD's Dad?) Poor kid.

Stiched- he strangled me in front of her. This is not about him. It's about my new relationship where my dd loves my bf.

You're a pair of idiots to be honest. What were you thinking?!
Sorry but this with bells on!
WTF?
You have a child and basically moved a random stranger into your home on day 1 of meeting him
Oh dear.
You have some serious issues to address here.
Please get yourself some counselling.
This is NOT normal.

And basically he's saying - he doesn't like living with you but also doesn't want you with anybody else.
Kick him into touch now.
This won't improve.
This early on should still be the honeymoon period and you say you argue!
And he sees your 'potential' - fuck that for a game of soldiers!
You are in training to tow the line with this one.
I think a call to Womens Aid wouldn't go amiss for you.

You are surprised this went wrong ?

I suggest you spend a significant amount of time without a bloke in tow before you take the plunge again. And get some help in weeding out the dickheads.

That is awful and all the more reason to prioritise her wellbeing. Moving a stranger in with her after one day is the opposite of that especially since your relationship is already going wrong and she may now lose him anyway.

This is not about him
I beg to differ here!
This is ALL about him.
It's all about all men for you.
You seem to need one constantly.
If you didn't get support from a DV charity after the end of your abusive relationship then get some help now.
WA Freedom Programme is what you need - and fast!

Whose idea was it to live together straight away?
Did you talk it through, or did it 'just happen'?

This man seems to be trying to make you responsible for his happiness. At best he has some issues that he needs to sort out before he has a serious relationship. At worst he is working up to some seriously controlling and abusive behaviour.
Either way he sounds like too much hard work.