Boyfriend said he's not happy with me but not happy without me.

[soontobemrsmckeown]

Been with him 7 months and have lived together from day 1. He said to me yesterday that when he is with me he isn't happy with me but when he isn't with me ie on a night out or at work he isn't happy as he isn't with me and comes home early from a night out. In that 7 months we have spent 2 nights away from each other and both times he gas come back a day early after saying he was spending two nights away from me saying he misses me. I don't know what to think of this? Any advice?

Well surprise surprise, woman who moves new man in with her child on day one has history of abusive relationships.

Lovey, your boundaries are totally fucked and all over the place. Take that as a statement of fact, not s criticism.

The last one strangled you, this one is fucking about with your head and your self esteem saying he isn't happy.

Please, talk to Women's Aid. You've found another abuser. You are easy pickings for him because of your history.

You've done a really stupid thing and worse involved your daughter. But I think it's happened because your ability to manage relationships is damaged, not because you don't care about your daughter.

Can you look into the Freedom Programme?

I wanted rescuing, you rescued him.

He loves what you do for him in that you rescued him and he’s dependent on that. He doesn’t love you though.

That’s why he’s conflicted. You filled a need in him from the first day together but you’re not right together as a couple. He can’t end the relationship because he still has those needs that you fill.

This is a very unhealthy relationship.

Ellis I wrote my post just after the OP went up on active however it took me so long to type it that several posts, including the update about having a DC, appeared ahead of mine. So I stand by what I say, I won't judge on the too much too soon HOWEVER I totally agree that that belief is smacked out of the park when a child is involved and moving in on day one is a pretty bad move (there were no children involved in my relationship).

Oh I didn't mean it to criticise your response DOOFUS! I just assumed you hadn't seen there was a child in this mess!

I was engaged after 3 months. That was 3 years ago and it'll be 4 when we marry and live together next March, because we have children.

I moved in with an ex after 3 months and felt that was far too soon. You can’t truly know someone after 1 date. They might seem perfect, but first dates can often go really well because you’re both on your best behaviour, and they aren’t a true reflection of what someone is really like. Is it your house that he lives in? If so it’s no wonder he’s dragging the relationship on if it means he gets somewhere to live.

Please read what Ellis says, she's got this nailed.

Just looking at your user name soon to be Mrs.. OP and assuming you're engaged to him? I'd advise putting the wedding on hold for now. Don't rush into this when you have reservations.

Doesn't sound like a healthy relationship

Please try the Freedom Programme as others have suggested and don't rush into marriage

It sounds like co-dependency to me and not necessarily abuse. He's not sure he can live without you but also isn't happy with you.

I've felt that way before about someone. I knew I had to end it but I didn't think I could be without him. Then he dumped me, it was shit for a few weeks, and now I'm fine.

Can I ask how you ended up moving in together so soon?

Sounds like he means is;

1 - he's too insecure or needy to live on his own and spend time on his own

Or

2 - he's using you to cocklodge. Why did he move in? Does he have his own home? Is he sponging off you financially?

Neither are attractive qualities tbh so I would just get rid.

Prob still on websites too if that's how u met