DH is a professional sportsman. He’s not so good that he’s earning millions, but he is above average to the point that he is a professional.
We have three very young DC and because at this particular point we cannot afford childcare, I am a SAHM.
We also move around to where his
work is, so our schedule, and everything really, is very much dictated by DH.
He goes through periods of doing well and earning money, and then periods of lower fitness or injury and gets dropped/less money. In these times he becomes despondent and depressed and moody. And he blames me for his failures or losses. He thinks that if I supported him more, he would be more successful. And for him, supporting him means doing everything he asks, 100%. Jumping when he says jump, basically.
Illness, physical health and injury to him is a big deal. But that also means that most of my needs get relegated to second place. If I am ill or tired it means absolutely nothing to him, and i am still expected to cover for him constantly, make meals, all childcare day and night and go where the sport takes us.
At the moment he’s going through a particularly bad down period. He is injured and can’t pick up any work. He is not making any effort to earn in any other way, so we are really short of money. He will not look after the DC because he is depressed and injured which makes it hard for me to go out and earn money. He says this is our lot, and me expecting more is me being spoilt.
As I write this he is curled up on the sofa refusing to speak to me because he thinks that I am down on him. He is a massive victim. Meanwhile I am simultaneously making the DC dinner, changing nappies and trying to pay our bills on the phone. I’ll put them to bed alone tonight while he sits and watches tv.
I feel completely disempowered and stuck. The idea is that this sport is the “only” thing he can do and he is otherwise unemployable. So he says I have to be satisfied with what we have and everything that goes with it.
I can’t seem to communicate to him that we need to discuss other options, other ways of living or earning money. He only sees one path. He seems to enjoy the constant upheaval and up-down of our fortunes. For me I feel completely out of control, especially with young DC. If I say that, he says I am a control freak. What can I do?