Those who have given up alcohol, or love someone who has

[HoneyCombOver]

Under what circumstances would you buy them alcohol as a gift?

MissConduct that’s fantastic. Did you do the steps etc? I was thinking “if I had a sponsor I’d ring them right now.”

TheMostInept, well done. Keep on keeping on!

Squeegle I never sat them down to talk about my drinking but certainly discussed theirs, begged my dad to seek help repeatedly. But yes, sobriety is to be discouraged. It’s not how my family are.

My SIL received a 6 tier gift of confectionary, he is a diabetic, sometimes I think people just don't think.

Why on earth would they do that? Congratulations on your strength and sobriety, OP, and well done to your DH for being so supportive.

Thank you Honey and Miss!
Honey that would be exactly the time to call your sponsor 😂
Or any AA friend, any of whom would be there for you. I seriously could not have done it without AA.

They didn’t get my husband anything. He still drinks, but never ever at home, only in his mate’s pub. They’ve offered as his Christmas present, to drive him to the pub twice a week to save him getting a cab. No mention of this to me, incidentally.

Dustymaiden that sounds like a shitty regift. Although 6 tiers! I never even knew they did them that big

Shit thing to do. It's like when I gave up smoking (some 2 decades ago,) I had people at work blowing smoke in my face, and calling me a 'boring cow.'

Arseholes.

Well done you for giving up booze.

Absolutely disgusting thing to do

I have been sober since March 2016, so this is my second sober Christmas. no one would ever ever give me alcohol as gift. They just would never do that. What a truly horrible thing to do. I would be devastated. What are you going to do ?

Several dry alcoholics in my family. I would never give alcohol as a present!

Congratulations on your sobriety honey and I'm so sorry your parents have been so insensitive.

Thankyou all, and well done to other soberistas.

Lilybetsy I don’t know what to say or do

Congratulations on your sobriety
Your parents were bang out of order.

MissConduct that’s fantastic. Did you do the steps etc?

Yes, I did, and went to meetings for about 6 or 7 years. Then I moved house and never felt the need to find a new home group. I never really had a sponsor. I asked one woman early on, but it turned out that she had lost her drivers license and just wanted me to drive her to and from meetings. I realized that she was just a SCF (sober cheeky fucker) and relied on some friends in the program when I needed advice and support, which worked out fine for me.

Honey, if it's practical, I would give it back to your parents and tell them that it was a wildly unsuitable and thoughtless gift. If it's not practical, just bin it or give it to someone who can enjoy it and let them know what you have done.

It really doesn't bother me to have alcohol in the house or to be around people who are drinking at this point, but in the first year or two it would have been dreadful.

Keep up the good work ladies!

I've been sober for four years now and there is absolutely no way anyone would even contemplate buying me anything to do with alcohol. It's my life now and, although I have the odd twinge, if I ever mention it, all I get is support and talked out of any thoughts! Two years is great - I'm so sorry this has happened to you.

Hi Honey, I've been in AA for nearly 10 years - congratulations on your two years and I second what everyone else has said.

However - if you're trying to make some kind of sense of it, many people (including lots who join AA) believe that once they recognise that they have a problem with alcohol and are prepared to admit this and accept that a period of sobriety is necessary, they can then revert to drinking "like a normal person". There's a long passage on this in the Big Book and I believe that I too felt this way before I realised that I would never be a normal drinker. So, if you haven't shared how you feel with your parents and your ongoing intentions (and no reason why you would), they may think of it as if you are going on a diet, after which you'll resume eating normally. It just shows that they don't "get it", as we say, which is why I go to AA, really - the relief of recognition in so many people.

I can’t get my head around whether it was a deliberate sabotage or what. If I hand it back there will undoubtedly be a scene, and I expect what will be thrown at me is that I have never discussed it with them (especially my mum, who seems to expe to be involved in all decisions) and therefore they “just didn’t know.” I feel caught between a rock and a hard place.

And WTF is offering to take DH to the pub about??

Well done str4ge, 4 years is awesome.

Lobster that is an interesting idea - I’ll ruminate in that.

We have an alcoholic in the family who has just been hospitalised because of it and was also given alcohol this Christmas as part of a hamper - thankfully it went to their DP first and they have extracted the alcohol but the mind truly boggles! Well done op - can you regift?

I've had people close to me give me things with alcohol in - posh fruit/Christmas cake and champagne truffles - I think they just don't think. One relative understood that I'd passed it on, the other - who judged me most harshly for my alcoholism - thought it was outrageous I'd not appreciated the gift.

If deliberate it is absolutely sabotage and it says more about them than you. I don't do AA any more because I have friends from church I can talk to about this stuff - whoever your support is now's the time to talk through the hurt.

keep going OP!

It's the sort of gift people give if they feel that someone else's abstention is a judgement on their own consumption of alcohol :(

Personally I wouldn't make a scene about it - just get rid of it.

On the subject of whether you can ever drink safely ... my OH is a recovering alcoholic, the type who will never be able to drink again. Alcohol even in small quantities literally scrambles his brain. OTOH my mum went through a period of heavy drinking that looked close to alcoholism when she was getting divorced, but she now drinks infrequently and moderately. Alcoholism comes in different shapes and sizes.

Congrats on giving up btw!

I know I will never ever be able to drink safely. I’m
Not in denial at all. I can’t control my alcohol consumption once I’ve picked up so the only solution is to not pick up.

Yes I agree this is about them not me. I don’t quite get how they could do something so potentially damaging.