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Original poster

Rebuilding finally.. social ideas for 55 year old Mum

40 replies

ChipmunkDance · 26/12/2017 22:50

I know it is totally wrong to feel that way and people will want to reply ‘you aren’t responsible, it is her life etc’ but reality is I’m the only one who really cares about her and will never back away.
Mum went through horrible abusive relationship and nasty divorce. She was left to pick up the pieces and keep things going for her kids. She did an admirable job. The issue is myself and my sister are in our twenties now. We have our own lives and relationships and mum’s purpose has changed.
What do you did when you’re on you mid 50s, lonely, single and wanting to make a life for yourself?
Mum is willing to accept help and try things but I just don’t know what to suggest. Any ideas of groups to join, things to get stuck into and ways to rebuild a life no longer about your kids? She works but has little life beyond that. Please give me things I can suggest.
Thanks

OP posts:
Original poster
ChipmunkDance · 26/12/2017 22:51

Sorry changed the thread title so the start doesn’t make sense! First sentence is referring to knowing I shouldn’t feel responsible for my mum’s happiness/life.

OP posts:
NK346f2849X127d8bca260 · 26/12/2017 22:52

What are her interests?

MyBrilliantDisguise · 26/12/2017 22:53

Whereabouts is she?

annandale · 26/12/2017 22:55

Ramblers, if there is a local group for working people. Unprepared fresh air and company.

Is there anything she would have liked to do but never did? Learn the piano, singing lessons/choir, archaeology, travel to the Black Forest? Maybe set up a holiday with an organisation like Exodus or Explore and go together?

annandale · 26/12/2017 22:56

Unprepared?? Unpressured

BackforGood · 26/12/2017 22:59

Obviously depends what she would like to do.
What about a choir ?
A rambling group?
Some sort of dance group / exercise?

Would she volunteer ? Possibilities are endless, and it gets you out and about meeting people. There are o many hundreds or even thousands of different ways to volunteer.

Book group. Craft group. Knit and Knatter.

A class - flower arranging / car mechanics / cake decorating / wine tasting / cocktail making / calligraphy.

The possibilities are endless really but it is down to what she wants to do.

Bridechilla · 26/12/2017 23:00

Trying to do the same atm. It's tough. She's tried a few adhoc local craft classes, but no one else turned up! 🙄 Volunteering may also be another option. I'm hoping work locally will build a few connections too.

onanotherday · 26/12/2017 23:04

..rambling..choir...Christ I'm the same age and still want festivals and travel and so do my friends. Confused

Original poster
ChipmunkDance · 26/12/2017 23:04

Thanks all!
She is quite crafty. Likes things like gardening, maybe flower arranging. Likes to keep her house nicely.
She is trying to loose weight so the ramblers group could be good. She likes cooking but I doubt would want to join anything which would conflict with the weight loss!
She’s a well educated professional. Lost a lot of confidence so something gentle and easy to get into but jay potentially could make solid and lifelong friendships from rather than just acquaintances would be good.

In the Surrey area mostly.

OP posts:
MidLifeCrisis2017 · 26/12/2017 23:09

Slightly concerned that you may be my DD (I have two in their twenties and I’m also 55), but this is some of the stuff I do:

Meetup groups, mainly for walking, but I’ve made friends through them and we now go to the cinema, have a book club and, my favourite, go to pub gigs where I do embarrassing mum dancing.

Evening classes - some craft ones which led to a way of supplementing my income, but also languages, which led to....

Rented out my house and took a five month sabbatical from work and travelled around Europe with my dog in a camper van! I was terrified before I did it but it was an amazing experience. It’s made me realise that I cope with my too quiet life much better if I’ve got things to look forward to, so this year I’m booking some very cheap weekends away every few months. It’s a struggle financially but worth the improvement in my happiness.

ALLIS0N · 26/12/2017 23:10

I’d suggest the C25K running Programme and then her local parkrun. Great for losing weight and making new friends.

Cricrichan · 26/12/2017 23:13

Get her to join the gym or a running club. Both for fitness and social stuff. Also like others say to join some classes she's interested in. Maybe you could go too and help her to break the ice with people?

gybegirl · 26/12/2017 23:14

Look into the U3A (University of the 3rd Age). It's a National organisation which is for older people who want to do stuff. Groups can range from photography, walking, country dancing, theatre, local history etc etc. It's really welcoming and you can dip in and out. Really recommend it highly!

BarchesterFlowers · 26/12/2017 23:18

I would say walking, sometimes local groups (village initiative sort of things) are better than ramblers, local WI (plus courses at Denman), RSN Needlework, anything RHS locally if that is an option. Local museum memberships = open/special evenings. Community orchestra if she is remotely musical (or singing group).

I am 50 and these are all things I would do if I were trying to build a social life with people who I shared hobbies with.

MrsFezziwig · 26/12/2017 23:19

onanotherday I travel and go to festivals. I also sing in a choir. Not sure what the Confused is supposed to signify.

MistressDeeCee · 26/12/2017 23:20

Meetup groups. Meetup has groups for numerous hobbies/activities

Active Facebook forums about interests similar to hers (Whilst being mindful to stick to that and stay away from relationship forums - any I've glanced at are draining to say the least)

Depends what she likes really. I'm 54, 55 in 6 months I still have an active social life, as do most friends my age. I'm a big fan of old 60s/70s/80s soul/funk music so I go to concerts and events. Off to one in The Algarve next May. Loads of people aged mid-40s up to 60s. Some Meetup groups are related to these and I've seen that women who've no-one to go with, arrange to go together as a group.

Your mum is only 55. Therell be loads out there for her to do in Surrey based on her interests.

Volunteering is also good. I haven't heard that it's brilliant for meeting people but at least it gets you out and about and chatting. But if it's a social life/forming friendships thing then I'd say Meetup is better for that, especially as you can pick one local to you.

Harvestmoonsobig · 26/12/2017 23:20

Midlife great suggestion to have something to look forward to. 👌 your Europe tour**

BarchesterFlowers · 26/12/2017 23:23

festivals - not my bag at all and I am younger than the OP's mum.

Thankfully we are all different. No need for Confused at all!

BackforGood · 26/12/2017 23:38

..rambling..choir...Christ I'm the same age and still want festivals and travel and so do my friends.

Another who is not sure what the Confused face is for. I've sung in choirs since my teens, and done a lot of hill walking too. Never realised there was a MN imposed lower age limit Hmm

rightknockered · 27/12/2017 01:06

It depends on what she likes doing. I'm in my 40's so not far off from that age. I still like going to gigs and festivals. But also like walking/trekking/knitting. I've been trying to find a book club recently, but one with a feminist leaning if such a thing exists.

Rainbowsandflowers78 · 27/12/2017 01:11

Walking Group - doesn’t even need to be ramblers - there’s some quite gentle ones if you look locally

Golf? She’s meet a lot of men there!

Volunteering like in a national trust or charity shop?

Vernazza · 27/12/2017 05:08

The gym is a great idea, especially the classes where you slowly get to know other regulars.

The gym is great on all levels:
social - meeting people,
physical - weight-bearing exercise to keep bones healthy is crucial at that age,
mental/emotional - exercise pumps out those lovely endorphins!!

I'm 54 and started Body Pump and Boot Camp last year and it was the best thing I've ever done for myself. Also golf is a brilliant idea!

annandale · 27/12/2017 07:35

Sorry, yes I'm 48 and would think of rambling or singing for myself, I've been to a couple of festivals and just been bored so it doesn't occur to me. Tbh if this person was going to loads of festivals with her mates I doubt the op would be posting.

VictoriaPeach · 27/12/2017 08:26

Well I'm not quite in this age demographic but I am 46. You honestly make her sound about 85.

And I can confidently predict that I won't be wanting to join the ramblers association when I'm in my 50s.

Maybe ask her how she'd like you to help, if at all? She's hardly in her dotage

blueskyinmarch · 27/12/2017 08:35

I am around the same age as your DM and took early retirement 18 months ago. I am married but my DH works long hours and is often away and my 2 DD's don't live at home. It has taken me a while to sort out things i like doing. Here is my list:
Dog walking (alone and with a friend)
Volunteering for Home-Start (love going to visit my family and playing with small children)
Sit on LA permanence panels (Ratifying adopters/children for adoption/matching children and adopters - very worthwhile).
Doing an evening degree at a local uni (like suing my brain and meeting new people).
In the summer doing a voluntary 'meet and greet' for tourist buses as i live in a very touristy area.

No choirs or flower arranging!

There is loads to do but your DM really needs to take time to look around and find things she loves and will suit her.

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