Drunken Partner on Christmas Eve - Anyone Else?

[Fade2Grey]

All fine with the family enjoying card games - no one wanted to join in & watch a film on Netflix so that was the turning point - rude abusive comments, slamming doors & throwing remote as I left the room.

Result is DC dreading tomorrow & me waiting until he has passed out to go down & turn off TV & lights.

Pathetically wanting to know that I am not alone.

I'm not in the same situation but wanted you to know you are not alone. Does this happen a lot? Would he consider getting help? Sounds like he may have a problem.

You’re not alone, but that does sound miserable for you and your children. It’s not something you should have to tolerate,

My dad was like that without drinking, and I now realise that he just can’t handle ‘big’ events (or small ones really), so he ruins them by kicking off. It doesn’t help much though.

Bloody hell! Drunk, abusive and wrecking his kid’s Christmas?

They shouldn’t have to endure this. And shouldn’t be seeing him treat you like that.

Want to make a plan?

I used to be in your shoes. No more though. Life's too short.

What is it with blokes getting drunk on Xmas eve? Does he do this sort of drunk and abusive shit often?

Thank you both for replying - this is a recurring issue but feel so pissed off that he would do this on Christmas Eve. I have both my mother & brother staying so automatically try to minimise what is blatantly unacceptable behaviour. Waiting to do the stockings & crash out.

You either kick him out, and deal with it, or put up with it, potentially forever and all the repercussions of that.

Have been planning on LTB for years & know that is the only way forward but Christmas makes the shit feel all the more shitty.

He's done it in front of your family? Why are you putting up with this shit? Why are you putting your kids through it?

How about taking steps to remove this abusive pisshead from your lives and maybe next year your DC won't be dreading Xmas day?

It’s not easy to leave, or get him to leave - but I hope you do. It sounds like you’d be happier for it.

You've been planning to ltb for years, why haven't you done it yet?

Make it your misdion to LTB before March next year.

Wouldnt want to hear the same woes next year

What's stopping you op? Is there a reason you can't leave?

Part of me says if this is a common occurance and you just keep staying then at some point you lose complaining rights. You know what you signed on for and it's this. The kids didn't sign up for it though snd one of their parents needs to take control.

Is there a reason you can't leave? Money, scared of being alone? It's not easy to go, but planning to leave for years is a very long time.

I’m sorry to hear this. Is he apologetic when he’s sober? If yes, what with it being almost the New Year and resolution time, maybe you can encourage him to get help? I hope you’re OK. I’m sure you’re family are just worried and upset for you. They probably just think he’s a dick!

I had a similar situation where my husbands drinking was snowballing and one evening he was quite aggressive. I took my son and stayed at my parents for a couple of days to get out of the toxic environment. Luckily he saw his errors and there’s been a huge change and we’re happy now. I wouldn’t continuously live in an environment like that. It’s tough as a mother to expose your kids to that but seems even tougher to expose them to a broken family. Sometimes however it’s best for everyone involved. Good luck xxx

I know it's not easy to 'just leave'. It's bloody hatd to factor in everything, from money to DCs.

But it's very liberating to start to make a plan.

OP, that was me. Every year I would be wondering what he’d do to try and spoil things. I’d be on eggshells.

Please leave. Even now I struggle because for so many years I lived in such a way as to try and stop him kicking off, and now it’s part of me.

nb it took me years and years to leave. It’s not easy.

I've been sober for over four years now and dh still drinks. He's not unpleasant in any way but just annoys and irrationally irritates me with his complete dullness and not stop talking shit and last night was doing this!! It's hard when I don't drink and stil have the odd twinge but I do try hard to be ok with it. Grr

Let this be your trigger to get out and give you children a chance of some happy Christmases without being overshadowed by this shit. You're doing your best for them but there's a good chance that they will ultimately resent you for not getting you away from their father and lump the two of you together in these bad memories. Don't minimise to your family, why are you protecting him? Make today as good as you can for the children then get the fuck out of there!

It takes a lot to leave. It's not really just a case of okay I'll LTB. But on the other hand the door is open all the time and you make a decision every day to stay or go. It's a horrible and lonely way to live. Could you seek counselling for yourself to build up your strength and resolve?

This was my Christmas as a child. I still find Christmas incredibly stressful. Dads drinking would be out of control.

Make 2018 the year you get out.

Sorry, OP, if this is re-curring, it is an awful life for the kids.

Your whole life feels like being on eggshells, in a prison, in a vice when you live with a parent like that. Tne feeling of terror and doom and knotting anxiety when he starts to drink.

They will be battening down their souls and keeping their feelings clamped down out of fear

That’s how I was.

Sorry, OP.

But.... he has given you a new impetus, so use this thread as your launchpad. Good luck!

Please listen to pp I've been in an abusive relationship and had the drinking and me walking on eggshells.

My dad was like this every year around all big events for my white or childhood. He finally left my mum when I was 20. I'm now 37 and still get anxiety and sadness, also massive dread around Christmas and events like weddings.

Please please for the sake of your children protect them from this abuse. It's horrific to be a child and completely helpless with no choice and no where else to go in that environment. Every child should feel safe in their own home, not walking on egg shells waiting for the next thing to blow up.
You have my sympathy