Feel so sad

[Nowhere2turn]

Cutting it brief
My partner and I split up 3 months ago.
It was definitely the right thing to do, and I had wanted to do it for a while, but once he had gone, it hurt like hell.
Anyway... I've gradually got better and stronger, but today when I checked the bank, I saw he what he had bought and it's clear he has someone else and has been last minute xmas present buying for her.
A little bit of me expected him to turn up here with gifts declaring how sorry he was etc etc etc... but obviously didn't!
I just feel so hurt and so lonely on my own.
I can't understand why I feel like this as I absolutely do not want to get back with him..... so why does it make me so sad knowing he must have someone else!
Please tell me it's just cos of the time of year 😞

I'm just crying all the time thinking of it 😢

It's always difficult knowing the other person has moved on, even if you wanted the split and know it's the right thing to have done. Christmas just makes it worse.

Can you buy yourself something to cheer yourself up? A present from you to you to say 'well done on making the right decision, you won't regret this'. I predict that before long you'll be looking back and feeling glad that you had the courage to make the split, so consider it a gift from your future self!

Sorry you're feeling so bad, Christmas just magnifies everything too.
I'd get rid of the access to the bank account and any other connection to him. No contact is the the only thing that really helps.

Yep, it's cause it's Christmas, in a few days you will be feeling better. Don't check his bank again, no good comes of looking for things and you might get in trouble for it.

It's a joint bank account, and he's really dragging his heals getting his own bank sorted, getting rest of his stuff from my house etc.
When I saw it today, I felt like reporting the card lost as I feel he's just flaunting stuff under my nose!
Like a £400 spending spree last weekend too.... and a subscription to a dating site!
I know I sign bitter... but it's just hurtful!
I asked him 3 weeks ago to come get rest of his stuff... but apparently he's too busy working.... yet can go shopping today!!!

I intend to get in touch this week to remind him to get rest of stuff.... I am also giving a deadline to close joint bank account.... I don't want to see what he's doin😢

I have posted on here as I just can't talk about it anywhere else.
And I've been doing so well coping with it, and I obviously don't want to burden my family and friends with it with it being xmas eve.
I just had to tell someone how I felt😢
Thank you for listening

I hope he's not spending your money?

No.... I've taken mine out, but I check it as because it still has my name and address on it, I do not want it going into debt! If I see it is... I will report card lost to stop him spending it.... I don't want a debt in my name, that's the reason. I've never been in debt, and don't want someone else doing that

Ahhh right, thought you were checking his bank account. Try not to overthink him being with someone else, he's more than likely using the dating site as a distraction. In 2 days Xmas will all be over, tell him to get his stuff out by next weekend, start 2018 with no reminders.

He moved in with me, and he's struggling apparently to find someone that's why he hasn't got an address to put a bank in. He's currently living rent free with friends!

*somewhere... not someone

Although who knows if that was actually a typo!

Is there an overdraft on the account, if so get it cancelled. I'm not surprised he's struggling if he's spending £400 in one weekend.

It's quite a way off overdraft yet.... but again today.... £200 cash withdrawn, and £150 spent in stores.... one of which was perfume store

Get that bank account closed! You can't take your name off one without the other person's consent, but you can close it. I did this with XH as he refused to meet me to get my name off the account we shared. So I went into the branch and closed it. I only got a quid, but peace of mind is very important.

Get this guy told, and remove him from your life! You're liable if he goes cuckoo and runs up debts etc!

This is exactly my worry!
I want absolutely no ties to him.... and I feel he's making a fool of me!
I've basically been free storage since we split up and I feel he's moving on.... yet I'm sat waiting for him to get everything sorted so I can too!

I have zero interest of going and meeting someone and starting over again.... but that doesn't mean I want my house mine again... and all his stuff gone!
I feel I am being used

Bobbinthreadbare123

I absolutely do need to get him told!
I need to grow a pair and stop being nice and stop him doing what the hell he wants.... whilst I'm lumbered with his crap

It's ultimatum time. Deadline to remove stuff etc or you're binning it.

Bank account closed as soon as it gets to the black again.

Why have you not closed this joint account?

So what if he hasn't got his own bank account yet, not your problem.

If you both have to close it and he won't then you need to get a new one and stop using the joint one.

Who puts the money into this account?

Is he spending your wages?

Report the card lost but you won't be able to get the money back that he has spent.

It takes all of 2 minutes to get a new bank account. Give him a deadline. If he doesn’t stick to it, just close the account

You’re better off without him

Him getting a bank account is not your problem any more.

On Wednesday go into the bank and explain the situation and close the account.

Stop letting him use you.

Persiancatlady

The answer to most your questions is because I'm stupid!!
I trust people when they clearly lie to me and say... I'm trying to sort it!
So many people say to me.... just shut the account... he's not your problem , he isn't respecting you.... so stuff him!!

I just wish I was that kind of person.... but I am giving deadline now. I've had enough!

No it is his wages... so I know I have no right to say what he spends it on.... I'm just hurt that's all

Next week, pick a day and put his stuff outside, text him the details and then go out to avoid him.

Tell me he doesn't have a key to your home any more.

And yes .... he is using me!!

I've said this to him... and he says he isn't.... but he is!

But I've been stupid enough to let him 😢

I will not go into the new year like this!
Enough is enough

Thank you all for being direct... it's exactly what I need!

Close the bank account as soon as you can and get yourself a new account.

Otherwise what's stopping him from taking your wages next month?

No he doesn't have a key... I took it straight away.

He offered to come get his stuff 4 weeks ago after an argument and asked me to leave him a key.... but I said absolutely no way!!!
And that apparently makes me unreasonable!!