Lonely this Christmas

[Starlet1]

I have realised how alone I am because for the first time I am spending Christmas on my own. Friends are too busy with their families which is understandable but what I cannot get my head round is how my family treat me. My mother passed away a year ago today with complications of her MS, I also have MS. Due to us living at opposite ends of the country I never saw much of them, but father has a woman he calls his daughter, no idea who she is , she was a friend of mothers apparently, but because she will be on her own he has driven some considerable distance at 82 years old I might add to spend the Christmas period with her - Excuse me , he has a real daughter who is on her own! I have a sister only 15 miles away from me who told me that she doesn't want any visitors , Christmas is just for her her husband and her son and daughter-in-law law. I don't have. Husband or partner any more, we split up eighteen months ago because of his infidelity , and my son is a medic and is working all over Christmas, so it's just me, billy no mates.
I keep crying, I suppose I'm depressed but I really honestly feel that I don't matter to anybody, not one person. I've got no presents to open, nobody to talk to ....... I've never felt so alone before.
I understand people are busy but I keep seeing them on social media out with families and friends, going for meals and to the pub, and it's just me .
I know I am moaning, but I'm just so unhappy. I struggle with my disability and not one person has telephoned me to see if I am ok.
I'm really shocked, I thought my friends were real. And my family, well, words fail me.

Hope you are all ok. Tomorrow we will all be stronger for having got through today. 😊

Merry Christmas OP

And you. Xx

How's your day been so far @Starlet1 ?

I have had a great day. Tired now. Strange to be alone, but it was ok. How about you?

Happy Christmas Starlet and all op's that are on their own today. Its lonelier in a relationship with no love at this time of year and family tensions are always highlighted as we're told we're all supposed to get on and love each other whilst sharing a lovely meal together!! Very rarely happens that way in real life!! Today on your own might be a good opportunity for a bit of self love..... and crappy TV!! Defo buy yourself a fantastic present next year!!

Just wanted to wish you happy Christmas Starlet1. I am glad you have felt okay today. Hope you meet some new welcoming friends next year. My day has been bittersweet as am lucky to be with my lovely daughter but have struggled with my cruel partner trying his best to make me suffer. I hope 2018 brings me the strength to leave him.

Thinking of you x

I have been there and I know how you feel. It's hard and nobody can make the decision for you, but you deserve better.
Christmas alone is much better than being abused. I am so sorry. Love to you, although words seem inadequate it's all I can offer you sadly 💖

Hi Mumm. Ive had exactly the same day today. H has isolated me from family and friends, just him, me and DD today. As well as being an emotional abuser he's also a cheat (discovered an affair this year, probably one of many I had no clue about). I am leaving him in 2018. It's so hard though because DD thinks the world of him. There's so many of us in similar situations. There's also so many strong OPs that have been in similar situations and left and are now stronger and happier than ever.

Merry Christmas, Starlet, and well done for not just pulling yourself out of your low mood but having a great day!

I always hate this time of year, it's the loneliest season. I have family but am only close to one of them really and he's away this year. My brother's wife doesn't speak to the rest of the family, for reasons known only to her, so I don't get to see him as he's not allowed to see the rest of us.

I have children but split up with their fathers so I have them for the morning and then they go off with their fathers/other relatives and the rest of the day is like a desert stretching off into the distance...and the only thing on the horizon is New Year's Eve which is equally desolate. I don't really have any friends to speak of.

I think if you don't have small children so you can enjoy Christmas vicariously through them it's pretty overrated and it's very easy to feel everyone but you is wallowing in a glorious feeling of togetherness. Not at all.

Hugs to everyone on this thread who's having a hard time.

I've had quite a pleasant day, one son and 2 grandsons popped in for a couple of hours and later watched some TV which I've enjoyed. The programmes/storylines prompted a few tears remembering past Christmas's and the people who were in them.

Good tears though, as I remember my mother and grandmother who are no longer here. Strangely I feel a bit better for it.

To all of you who posted, thank you, you are so brave.
It is definitely the loneliest time of year whether you have children or not. I felt that surely I would be invited somewhere or somebody would accept my invite and I started to panic as yesterday grew closer.i must admit I cried a lot.
In the end it wasn't too bad, I had a lot of contact from twitter friends so had virtual chats, which is better than nothing. I spoke to both my son's on the phone too. Both were working.
As to father I didn't bother with him or even think about him, if he prefers to go and spend a week with his new daughter well let him, I think his behaviour is appalling. What I didn't tell you is that he is clergy.
New year's Eve doesn't bother me, who wants to be out in the cold anyway.
What does bother me are the number of people who I know are being abused, verbally and physically. I was in that situation and I tell you Christmas alone is far far better than that! Twice I had my escape planned but each time I ended up in hospital because I was having cancer treatment. In the end I loaded my car with what me and my son could fit in it and just left in what we stood up in.
Leaving is the most dangerous time and you need a plan
Start by secreting documents somewhere else - I had a box in the safe at a bank. Make sure you constantly delete your computer history! Find somewhere to store some money, that was hard as he controlled finances , but I managed to save some. I went to a hotel for a few nights, found a rented furnished property then eventually a rented unfurnished flat. I had no furniture, nothing and it was tough starting again in my 50s . I needed councelling and you will too.
So start to plan, but take care as this is the most dangerous time, but go when you feel you can. It takes courage and strength but I have peace in my man-made free home now.n
I'd like to meet somebody and maybe I will, but as to trusting somebody again? Well, not sure about that, I think I would rather go to my own home on my own at night.
I hope that at least one of you finds courage to leave, it's not easy and recovery is slow but there's nobody telling me I am fat stupid of ugly or hitting me if cheating on me if gambling my money away.
It's your life, your choice, but your children's life too. Don't worry about schools, that can be sorted, just go. Please.
Bless you all and good luck. Xxx

Sorry, typo, meant to say that i have peace in my man free home now

Whoneedsaman - really sorry to hear you are suffering too. My daughter is v close to her Dad too and it makes it extra hard. I hope you manage to break free this year. I am starting counselling soon as a first step to getting strength to make a change. Thanks for the advice Starlet1. Let's hope 2018 is better for all of us. Xx

I'm going back to councelling too. So let's hope that next year will be OUR year. Xxxx

I was alone Christmas Eve evening until yesterday afternoon. Same every Christmas. I burst into tears in front of a total stranger and it was shit on a big scale. And am empathising massively. It's a shitty time.

Thanks for the advice starlet and thanks for your message mumm. My house is going up for sale on Jan 5th, once we have a buyer I'm free! Just got to deal with telling my beautiful DD, really really really dreading that, poor mite. This is not her fault, or mine. Be brave mumm. Life passes us by so fast we need to make sure we're happy before it's too late. Xx

I've been alone since 18th and won't see anybody until I see my son on 1st Jan." Friends " and " family" are too busy or can't fit an extra one person in. I realise that I need proper friends!
Yes it's depressing, it's scary - I could be dead and who would know? People say I am the most positive person ever, well maybe I am, but I don't want to be the one who has nowhere to go, I need somebody to care about me - I moved house so many times because of the DV that I have left all my friends behind. Anyway, I'm going out to the shops today just to make sure that I'm not the only person left alive on this planet.😊
We need to be loved, and I'm sending love out to you.

We're your friends Starlet. You've been through so much. Are there any mumsnet meet ups near you? I don't live in UK, so am not much use to you. I'm heading back to my cats after a few days away & can't wait to get there. Let's hope 2018 brings good things to all of us. Enjoy your shopping & treat yourself to a lovely coffee & cake