Last Christmas as a family

[peppageorgedannyzoe]

I've made my decision- this will be the last Christmas I spend with him. I'm not having another year of sadness and arguments. I've known our relationship has been dead for a long time but haven't done anything about it. After Christmas I'm telling him it's over. I can't stand being in a miserable house any longer. It's Christmas Eve and he's already stormed out in a strop whilst my DC are sat on the sofa wearing their Christmas hats wondering where he's gone. I will make this Christmas special for my DC but in 2018 I'm ending it. I feel strong at the moment but I'm sure that will change over time. I'm going to use this thread as a safe place to vent.

Well done OP and, you will remember this Christmas as special because it's the one where you chose happiness.

Good luck OP, stay strong and be kind to yourself. Xx

Good for you. I found it really useful to give myself a date once I'd made the decision.

Well done, stay strong and enjoy this Xmas knowing next years may be fabulous.

Good luck. Wishing you all the best for 2018 x

Thank you @CheapSausagesAndSpam its getting to the point where I'm beginning to hate him and I don't want that for the DC sake. Evenings and weekends when he's home with us are hard but Christmas, Easter, holidays etc are unbearable. We don't seem to be able to spend any substantial amount of time together which I know isn't normal and isn't something I want. I must admit - I don't want him but the thought of him being with someone else makes me sick

Good luck OP. Pop on a Christmas film and snuggle with your DC for a bit if you can.

I'd take a photo on my phone of your kids sitting there on Christmas Eve wearing their hats and if you wobble at any time, look at that photo and remember how miserable he's making their Christmas....and make a promise to yourself and them this is the last time you're putting yourselves through this.

Good luck

Well done OP, go for it. I've been where you are and it's awful. Don't waste your life away in a miserable man!

You don't need this behaviour. Keep strong good luck

@Olddear This is a good idea- thank you!

I'd be really interested to read experiences of people who have been through or are going through something similar. What made you make your decision to end it? What did you say to your partner? What did you say to your DC? How did you feel after? Thank you so much. I have a feeling this thread is going to keep me strong (and sane!)

I don't want him but the thought of him being with someone else makes me sick

If some poor sap takes him on that's her lookout. You can't go staying with a miserable git forever just to stop him making someone else miserable.

That sick feeling will wane when you're feeling relieved that he's gone.

I used to be you.

The last three Christmases were just as you have described.

I have cried ocean's but now I'm lying in bed, he had them from yesterday til lunch tomorrow and I'm ready to be happy again.

It's not been easy but I'm so relieved not to live with a moody, rude, angry bastard anymore.

Please pm me. You will never regret it. Also, mine didn't at all bother with the kids and now fancies himself as father of the year. I actually get time to myself.

Well done OP, this is our first Christmas apart after splitting 2 months ago and I'm really looking forward to spending the day with dc but also spending some time on my own, doing exactly as I please with no one taking a huff over nothing and spoiling things!!

@ferriswheel my h is the same, can't do enough for the dc despite doing bot all for 5 years, I'm finding the time ti myself incredible!

My decision to leave, since you ask, was kind of made for me. I felt trapped, we had 4 DC and I was the main earner, we couldn't afford to split, I needed him for childcare etc. Then he rang a relative and told them we were getting divorced, painting a lovely picture of how it would work; obviously a ploy to put me back in my box, but it totally backfired. Of course the next day he denied it, even tried to pretend I'd imagined the whole conversation, but once I'd seen the light there was no going back. When he'd realised I was serious he began to behave, promise me all sorts, so I thought I had to give it a try, but fortunately he couldn't keep it up for more than a couple of days before the true colours showed again. It was no fun sharing a house while all the legalities went through, and he played some nasty mind games not only on me but on the DC, but everyone survived and I've been divorced for nearly 10 years now.

Really lambro, it's quite amazing isn't it? How long has yours been playing at father of the year? Mine was utterly crap when he lived with us. Worse than that in fact. I think he thinks I cry myself to sleep when they are away. I miss them but I can get on and do things. Op, do it. You won't regret it ever.

Agree with the post about taking a pic of the kids.

I'm in a similar boat this Christmas, but am trying to hold out until May when he finishes his course and to give me time to think thru the implications.

In many ways my DH is a good human, but he seems to care more about strangers/political and social idealism than actual people we know. And then once he starts drinking, he will at most take it slow, trying to stop much less eat properly goes out the window...

Thoughts for you and the kiddos this Christmas,

That was how I felt a few years ago. I knew at some point early in the New Year i was going to leave. It took me three weeks. That was the easy bit. Trying to make him understand that I was serious and to break the patterns of control was the much harder bit.

Op I had this shit with my exh and with my exp who lived here to my shame.

No one will ever come her again who can create an atmosphere. Never.

Op you won't look back I promise - who cares who his next victim
Is you and the kids will be happier and healthier and free of this rubbish.

Thank you all so much. The thing is he can be nice if he tries and when he is I end up feeling sorry for him. I know that ending things is what I have to do but I am so scared of all the emotions that are going to come with it. What if I regret my decision a year down the line? What if he really can change but just needs another chance? What if I haven't tried hard enough to make it work? All of these things go through my head but I'm not going to know the answers unless I do something about it am I? He's already messed me up, messed out eldest up and I'm sure as hell not letting him mess my youngest up. I want me DC to grow up with a happy Mum. That really is all I want my by partner has dragged me down so much that I'm not me anymore.

My exh was having an affair, I chucked him out within two hours of him telling me making him return his door keys (he tried to keep them, till I told him I would knock him out)

All I could think about was him and the woman he was seeing in bed together, laughing and joking.

My main thoughts was how would I manage financially. There was a lot of bad feeling, resentment etc

It was like mourning a loss but he was still around. My dc’s who were 15 & 19 at the time got me through the dark days

I feel once your mind is made up there is no going back.

Everyone said how much happier I was after he left.

I recall not having that pulled down feeling in my shoulders

I think it’s a great idea as someone said, but maybe just mentally- take a picture in your head of your kids sitting in their Santa hants, upset and bewildered about their dads behaviour on one of the few nights a year that they are supposed to feel magic and happiness was and excitement. If you start to question why- imagine that picture. That’s why. The look on your face, their face, and the feelings you all have now. That’s why you are leaving. Because you are strong enough to protect your kids, the heal your eldest and yourself, and ensure your youngest never had to feel what you and your eldest child have. Good luck xx