Last Christmas as a family

[peppageorgedannyzoe]

I've made my decision- this will be the last Christmas I spend with him. I'm not having another year of sadness and arguments. I've known our relationship has been dead for a long time but haven't done anything about it. After Christmas I'm telling him it's over. I can't stand being in a miserable house any longer. It's Christmas Eve and he's already stormed out in a strop whilst my DC are sat on the sofa wearing their Christmas hats wondering where he's gone. I will make this Christmas special for my DC but in 2018 I'm ending it. I feel strong at the moment but I'm sure that will change over time. I'm going to use this thread as a safe place to vent.

What if he can change, just needs another chance.

How many chances does a man get !?!?

What if I regret my decision a year down the line? What if he really can change but just needs another chance? What if I haven't tried hard enough to make it work?

Ask yourself if your DH is agonising about trying harder, regrets, etc etc.

No he is not and the most common problem is the wronged person is always the one (sorry for this term) hand-wringing about doing more and more - when all the while the rude, arrogant PITA does less and less.

You know this already but..... Get his sorry arse out of your life, he doesn't deserve you, and you've known that for a long time, hence your OP above being about how you won't put up with it anymore after Christmas. Stay empowered! Make Plans!

@daisychain01 YES!!! This is what I need to hear. Looking forward to a happier and healthier 2018. I know there are devastating lows to come but also massive highs for me and my DC. Time to concentrate on me and mine. Thank you so much

Good for you! Your intentions are a great way to start 2018, and when you leave him, there will be ups and downs but you’ll end up on a massive up and life will be so much better. 365 days until Christmas 2018!! Good luck.

Thank you @Angrybird345 Its funny how messages of support from complete strangers on the internet can help so much.

Well he's making my decision easier as the day goes on. He's just made my eldest (from a previous relationship) cry fro breaking something completely by accident. I hate him. I don't even know if I can make it through Christmas

My eldest has said it's the worst Christmas Eve ever and it would be a Christmas miracle if he would die. I hate this

Well, that's all you need to know.

Either strangers on t'internet or just friends you haven't met yet - either way, you definitely deserve the very best for you and your DC in 2018

You know what, you don’t have to make it through Christmas. You could just ask him to leave, so you and DC can have Christmas in peace. Admittedly the nuclear option at this stage, though.
Can you minimise DC time and your time with him?

You will get through this.

Peppa store what your eldest just said to you in your memory, and everything you feel yourself weakening, pull it out and vow your DC will not have another Christmas like this. Leaving a relationship like this is really hard, no doubt it's taken a toll in your self esteem and sense of self worth, but I promise you that once you're free of this miserable bloke you'll feel so much better. I won't lie, being a single Mum is tough... but it's a thousand times easier than being in a relationship like this.

Yeah, if you do what iced said he might behave himself. But better to line your ducks up and start preparing.

Well done. This will be our last family Christmas too xx

Sounds like you've come to a very sensible decision. Sorry you're having a shit Christmas Eve but think how great next year will be. It will be hard but once you get over that it will all come good and you'll wonder why you didn't do it sooner. Take care

NaplingFern do we have the same H?! Also last Christmas as a family too though I have yet to tell H and follow through but I've been in this situation so many times these last 15 months and it's time to let go.

Your dc said he hopes your husband dies??

Well done OP. I was in a similar position in that I just decided I had enough of the misery, mood swings, anger and criticisms. We are separated but living together till we exchange on the house and it is horrendous living in such a hostile environment. He is even being snappy and angry for nothing on Christmas Eve! But I know I’m on my way out. My new Home and a more peaceful life without worrying about his temper are just round the corner. Next Christmas I won’t be anxious about being snapped at for being alive. He hates that I’ve finished the relationship and sees it that I hate him. I don’t. I just have enough self worth to not continue this unhappy life. It will get better. Next Christmas will be better for you and me :).

Oh I just read your post above. That says it all really. You and your kids deserve so much more than this. X

Dear OP

In 2009 I was in exactly the same position as you.

I Have not regretted it for one moment.

My ex was abusive. My life was a living hell.

6 months after making my decision my DS 1 thanked me for letting him now live in such a happy home.

That was 8 years ago. The kids are now well adjusted happy teens.

I have found love and happiness with a guy who respects me and treats me with immense kindness.

Life will go on and once you are through the tough changes you will I hope never look back.

Wishing you peace this Christmas.

Maybe you should give yourself an Xmas gift and tell him tomorrow. Hopefully then he'll piss off and leave you to enjoy the day with your DCs?

I split with my XH over 5 years ago. We get on better now than when we were married so are able to spend Xmas day together with the DCs. I also have a loving DP and have already celebrated with him.

Life's too short to spend it in a miserable marriage. Good luck for your happier future.

Another one separated but living in the same house - told him I couldn't do it anymore about 6 weeks ago. Have spent the last 2 hours in tears, he was an utter shit at bedtime telling our 5 year old to shut up when he was having a melt down. I can't wait to be away from him

I'm a great believer in you only live once. You and your kids deserve happy Christmases, happy summer holidays. Never mind who he might end up with, you might end up with someone who makes you happy and that won't happen whilst you're married and miserable.

Coming back to this the next day, don't know if you're still reading but:

he can be nice if he tries and when he is I end up feeling sorry for him

So why won't be be nice? Why won't he try unless he thinks you're at the end of your tether? If he knows how he ought to be behaving he should jolly well make an effort to do it most of the time. Nobody's perfect, we all have our off days etc, but being a pleasant person to be around should be the norm, not a rare treat.

This was me this time last year. I left early 2017. I'm currently spending Xmas with my family while he has our kids. It's tough, but the BEST decision I ever made. I've had a great year. Stay strong and do what's right for you x