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Original poster

STD tests ABU

29 replies

user1497643032 · 23/12/2017 08:17

Ok, my relationship of over 13years failed 2months ago because of his lies & cheating.

  • He moved out (he said to his mum- but can’t be 100% sure because he lies).
  • now he wants to come back & I do want to give him another chance
  • but I want him to go for STD tests. ABU?
  • I also want him to put a tracker on his phone but he does not want to or ABU? WHERE CAN I SEND HIM TO HAVE STD tests DONE PLEASE. HELP
OP posts:
category12 · 23/12/2017 08:23

You don't trust him even about where he's living and want to track him.

Yes, perfect basis for rebuilding relationship. It'll be great.

NHS walk in STI centres - google it.

lasketchup · 23/12/2017 08:32

You clearly don’t trust him. Why bother??

Instead of insisting on a phone tracker (which he’ll just disable or he’ll leave his phone at home or at his mums and then go and do his cheating) why not insist on counselling if you REALLY want to stay with him Confused

How old are you both?

And I wouldn’t be going anywhere near his dirty dick wheather he’s to the clinic or not. Get some self respect and move on.

Chippyway · 23/12/2017 09:02

Good god

If you have to put a tracker on your partners phone then you shouldn’t be with them

Indigo911 · 23/12/2017 09:04

Just re read what you have written. You want him to do STD tests and you want to be able to track his every move. How is this a healthy relationship to be getting yourself back into? The moment you lose trust in someone the relationship is doomed

DotCottonDotCom · 23/12/2017 09:13

He’s not exactly ready to be transparent is he?

He’s not willing to do anything.

It sounds pretty doomed

NeilPetark · 23/12/2017 09:15

He’s a liar and a cheat? Why on earth do you want to give him another chance?Confused

magoria · 23/12/2017 10:16

30 second Google search would have given you the answers as to where your nearest STI clinic is quicker than people on here.

As for for a tracker if you want to do that that and monitor your OH what is the point.

You clearly don't trust he is where he says he is either.

He also isn't going out of his way to reassure you is he?

JonSnowsButtocks · 23/12/2017 10:19

Your not unreasonable getting std tests for both of you.

The tracker is to much though. You either have to work on trusting him or you don't but tracking is not the way forward.

TheNaze73 · 23/12/2017 13:58

YABU. Why the hell would you want get back with someone like that?

Any putting a tracker on someone’s phone is a bit unhinged

WantingMuchMore · 23/12/2017 14:00

Dont do it!

Save yourself the heartache and the pain. If there's no trust, there's no point

KungFuPandaWorksOut16 · 23/12/2017 14:20

Not unreasonable asking for him to take an STI.
Very unreasonable asking to put a tracker on him.

Comekittykitty · 23/12/2017 14:25

Makes zero sense. He could just leave the phone and get a pay as you go. There is no trust and rightfully so. Leopards don’t change their spots.

GUM clinic near you, just google and don’t take him back. Take the tests yourself. He could have something but not spread it to you yet.

Notreallyarsed · 23/12/2017 14:27

Tracker? Good grief. Cut and run, before he takes the last shred of self respect you have.

You can get yourself an STD test for your own peace of mind.

fastfrank · 23/12/2017 14:27

Wtf do you wanna get back with him for? Normal people don't stalk their partners. What are you, 14?

Bombardier25966 · 23/12/2017 14:36

You should both have STI tests. If he contracted an infection before you split up he could have passed it to you. Since that time he may have had antibiotics for another reason that would have also cleared the STI, but you would still be carrying it.

The other stuff is freaky.

SandyY2K · 23/12/2017 16:09

He's still shifty if he is refusing to have a tracker. A truly remorseful person would be grateful you're considering reconciliation.

SandyY2K · 23/12/2017 16:39

Having a tracker following infidelity isn't uncommon. It's not a path is take personally...but it's intention is to help the betrayed person to heal and build up the trust again.

Being cheated on leaves most people feeling insecure and unsafe... that's normal. It doesn't mean the OP is '14'... it's much more complicated than that.

What reassurances is he giving you?
Feel free to PM me if you have any questions as I dont always return to threads.

DotCottonDotCom · 23/12/2017 16:51

^ im with sandy on this one. It’s not uncommon.

category12 · 23/12/2017 16:57

It may not be uncommon but it's pretty fucked up.

DotCottonDotCom · 23/12/2017 17:02

To be fair it should really be a case of

Cheat: look if it reassures you, i’ll add you on google 360/find my friends/whateverthefuckitis

Rather than

The betrayed: I want to know everything you’re doing, every step

gamerchick · 23/12/2017 17:05

Ah OP do you really want to go there? Maybe it's time to move on and bin this one off?

Google your local STI clinic and times. Don't sleep with him until he's had his screen but the tracker route might be just putting off the enivitable.

ElephantsandTigers · 23/12/2017 17:13

The STI tests are a minimum and he could go to a walk in surgery at a hospital. If he refuses then I'd be hugely reassessing his second chance tbh.

Notreallyarsed · 23/12/2017 17:47

Having a tracker following infidelity isn't uncommon

Then things have gone seriously wrong somewhere. Cheats are bastards, plain and simple. But for the cheated on innocent party to use control at that level makes me very uncomfortable. Either you forgive and move on (not an option for me) or you leave. Becoming a control freak and tracking your partner just makes me so uncomfortable.

Original poster
user1497643032 · 23/12/2017 20:22

Thanks all for making me feel like I am a mad fucked up controlling freak except SandyY2K who seem to understand.
I can’t just build trust out of thin air and believing he is where he said he is going.
Can anyone tell me how they have built trust in a relationship after broken trust. Have u all ever heard once trust is broken it can never be built or it is hard to build?
I didn’t post that to be judged but it is nice to read people’s thought & opinions. But, wanting to know where he is is not a bad idea.
DO NOT JUDGE ME pls

OP posts:
Sparrowlegs248 · 23/12/2017 20:28

Op I think the sti tests are a good idea, for both of you. But if he would take even do that, he's hardly trying get to win you back is he?