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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

How to approach / handle this?

53 replies

Username7654321 · 21/12/2017 21:08

Basically FIL keeps trying to kiss me.
Not a 'snog' or anything (hate that word), a peck on the lips but it's definitely becoming inappropriate.
I always give him a peck on the lips when saying hello or goodbye, but often he'll approach me later and kiss me again. And again.
On Tuesday was at PIL's house for MIL's birthday. FIL was cooking in the kitchen, I said I'd give him a hand. We get on very well. I have a bad relationship with my father and see FIL as a father figure (which is why I find this hard to deal with I imagine).
Anyway we'd already done the obligatory hello-kiss. In the kitchen he says "you look beautiful tonight darling", and goes for a peck on the lips. I oblige and say thank you and give him a little hug and kiss. Then again "no but you really do look beautiful tonight" and then goes to kiss me again Hmm
I think he was a bit tipsy so I just said "ha, come on now, FIL" and tried to laugh it off.
But this isn't the first time he's done it, and actually it's starting to make me feel a) pretty grossed out and a bit sickened by him, but b) actually makes me feel quite sad. I saw this man as a positive male role model in my life, and actually I just now am starting to see him as a bit of a creep. It doesn't give me much hope (aside from DH I find it quite hard to trust men generally).

I mentioned it to DH the next day and he sort of laughed it off and said just to next time say "FIL you're making me feel uncomfortable now", but I would find that uncomfortable and difficult to actually execute. He also suggested he speak to FIL, but I don't know whether I'm blowing it out of proportion and it'd just make the dynamic weird - as I say, we do get on very well.
When he's done this before its often infront of DH or MIL too so it's not like he's always being sneaky about it, which also makes me think maybe I'm reading too much into it? Regardless though, it makes me feel uneasy and that's the bottom line.
How would you make it clear he needs to stop without causing a drama??

OP posts:
pollythedolly · 22/12/2017 11:52

No it's seriously not OK what he's doing. Ergh 🤢

Username7654321 · 22/12/2017 12:53

If you'd like to know about the cultures of peck on the lips greeting, Google it or start another thread.

OP posts:
Jayfee · 22/12/2017 13:31

Just Googled and lip kissing said Italians and some Africans. Cheek kissing now very common everywhere.

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