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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Anyone else married and dreading Christmas?

42 replies

Kevintheminion · 21/12/2017 18:48

My marriage has been pretty crap for the last couple of years. I finished work tonight for the Christmas break and I return to the work in the New Year. I left the office tonight with a heavy heart knowing I have to spend the next ten days with my OH. I am dreading the prospect.....anyone else similar?

OP posts:

LazyDailyMailJournos · 21/12/2017 18:55

No, but didn't want to read and run.

If things are bad and you aren't happy, is leaving an option? Life is short - too short to spend it in an unhappy marriage.

CathysGhost · 21/12/2017 18:57

Me! Told him about 2 weeks ago that I want out. He's just not having any of it, won't engage, won't discuss. Gonna spend my time with the kids and I've planned stuff with my friends. Hey ho, it's up to him how he behaves.

nutnerk · 21/12/2017 18:59

No but this sounds pretty bleak. If you aren't happy you need to leave. Sounds like you don't have kids so just get out and don't waste any more time being miserable!

Rainbowandraindrops67 · 21/12/2017 19:01

Yep - you aren’t the only one.
Just focus on the kids as much as possible

TheSquashyHatOfMrGnosspelius · 21/12/2017 19:03

Get Christmas out of the way and crack on OP. No medals for sticking out in a shite situation. for you. It's tough but doable.

Crushedwhite · 21/12/2017 19:04

Yes but at least I have the kids and other family to occupy us.

pointythings · 21/12/2017 20:43

Me. But I'm cracking on with divorcing - the papers are in, he is moving out early in the New Year. This will be one shit Christmas in trade for very many great ones with my lovely DDs.

Keepithidden · 21/12/2017 20:59

Me too. No answers though, just sympathy. We have kids so at least I can focus on them, it's the evenings post bedtime that I really dread.

Crushedwhite · 21/12/2017 22:14

It’s sad that so many of us are in the same situation.

Longandleggy · 21/12/2017 22:20

Yep. Just trying to focus on the children and take one day at a time. And watch lots of Netflix!

AnyFucker · 21/12/2017 23:00

What is the point ?

Stickystickystickstickstick · 21/12/2017 23:06

Yep. Not looking forward to it at all. I just want to have a lovely time with my DS and see my family. But I have to pretend to like dh and his insufferable family too. Ugh. It's depressing. I want to leave him but I don't know how to tell him. I don't even really like him anymore, let alone love him

HeddaGarbled · 21/12/2017 23:12

There have been periods in my marriage when I've delayed going home from work because of the feeling you describe.

But these have been short-lived periods and we're sorted now.

Is this fixable, do you think? Or is it time to make a New Year's resolution? It's commonly known that January sees an upsurge in people consulting solicitors about divorce.

Catrabbit75 · 21/12/2017 23:16

I know exactly how you feel, I spent several christmas' like this, each new year,promising myself that I would change things next year, but never having the courage to do it. Then this year I found my courage, announced that I wanted to separate in february, started divorce proceedings in June, and my divorce came through in September! There is hope, you just need to find your courage and the right time. It won't be easy to speak those words, but you will feel so much better once you do. Life is far too short to spend it unhappy, you only get this one life

SausageChipsAndCurrySauce · 21/12/2017 23:19

You have the power to change it by leaving.

scrabbler3 · 21/12/2017 23:24

I know from past experience exactly how you feel. I'm relieved that I don't have to put up with that any more.

wtf2015 · 21/12/2017 23:27

So sorry for you, I was the same 7 years ago. I decided to leave a few months later and it was the best decision I made. Life is less lonely alone than in a bad relationship.

ChinkChink · 21/12/2017 23:36

What scrabbler3 said.

I stayed in a long, very unhappy marriage because of my child. It was a bad decision.

Make some plans OP. Too late for this year. Make plans and think of next Christmas and freedom. Hold on.

MissesBloom · 22/12/2017 00:04

Came on here looking for a thread like this so I know I'm not alone.

Have planned in my head a million times how I'm going to leave but can't bring myself to do it and terrified to go it alone

Sorry no advice here just a little hand hold, and want to let you know you're not alone.

No idea how I'm going to get through it. Dreading the working week finishing tomorrow.

MrKaplan · 22/12/2017 04:47

After being called a fat lazy lard arsed cunt in one of his 0-60 escalations last week I have high hopes of this being our last Christmas.

I just need to figure out how to bring the subject up, cos if he flips it’s gonna be a nightmare.

IDismyname · 22/12/2017 05:09

I've already made an appointment to see a solicitor in mid January. Thought I'd get in early. I've yet to make any kind of announcement, but am hanging on through Christmas clutching that appointment very closely to my chest.

I recommend getting out on your own or with the kids every day for some headspace. I bloody love having a dog!

MrKaplan · 22/12/2017 05:26

I’ve booked a week in Jan for just me and dd. We’ll go to a caravan park, hang out on the beach, swim, surf. No devices.

I saw a solicitor 5 yrs ago (YIKES I’m sleepwalking my life away) and they gave me the financial truths. I’m a high earner so I’ll have to pay HIM to get out. Now I feel like it’s worth it.

stickytoffeevodka · 22/12/2017 06:05

No. I can't wait for Christmas and I wish I could spend it with him instead of being stuck at work while he has two weeks off!

I feel sad that so many people feel like that about their husbands 😔

MrKaplan · 22/12/2017 06:28

Didn’t used to.
The only sad thing will be if we’re still here saying the same thing this time next year.

pointythings · 22/12/2017 07:34

Toffee I used to feel like you. Then the alcohol took over his life. Sadly people change.

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