Anyone else married and dreading Christmas?

[Kevintheminion]

My marriage has been pretty crap for the last couple of years. I finished work tonight for the Christmas break and I return to the work in the New Year. I left the office tonight with a heavy heart knowing I have to spend the next ten days with my OH. I am dreading the prospect.....anyone else similar?

This is so sad. Please find the courage to change something. You're only here once.

Last year, on Christmas Day, I was so unhappy in my marriage. Tired of pretending it was ok. I went to the park with my dogs and cried and cried. Went home, made it through the day and decided that I couldn't do it anymore. Everyone deserved better than that. In January I called it off and its been a hard road. I'm looking at spending this Christmas mostly without my son. I will feel sad that I couldn't give him the family I hoped for when I got married, but in spite of the loneliness I'm expecting I will not be at that park sobbing ever again. And i was far lonelier in that marriage than I have ever felt since leaving it.

for you all

Thanks all. MrKaplan I'm in a similar financial position to you. I've seen a solicitor this year and have a divorce petition ready to go. I just can't seem to 'press the button' as we have two DCs and, as a child of divorced parents, I knoow the impact. We will be very focussed on the DCs and will make the most of it for them but still feels shit....

The first step is always the hardest. They you will find you can just keep walking.

Good luck

Kevin I am on the opposite side to you in that my husband has decided to leave. I’m also very worried about my DC and the impact on them. I probably wouldnt have left because of that.

I just wanted to say though I am the child of parents who stayed together for the kids - and that equally has an impact. I could sense the lie in the house and the underlying sadness in my mum. It hung over the house and was very oppressive, despite my parents I’m sure thinking they disguised it. My DF died last year and my mum is now very bitter about her wasted life.

I obviously can’t compare it to having divorced parents but I don’t think either option is impact free for the kids.

Its all going to depend on how he takes it. If he gets all bitter, he’ll ruin her life fighting over her. If he’s sensible, it’ll be ticketyboo.

He is a far far better parent when I’m not there to pick up everything. Totally disengaged when I’m there but if I have to work away for the week then they have a nice little bond going when I get back.

Not married and I naively wasn't dreading it but third day off and quite frankly right now it's shit.

I was just sat here thinking I haven't even bothered to open my advent calendar each day. I am normally the most excited for Christmas but it just doesn't feel right this year.

I almost took our Christmas cards down earlier. I don't know why I just felt like it. Keep thinking about opening the wine too which can't be good.

I was in exactly this position last year. I couldn't wait to get back to work. I promised myself that that would be my last Christmas with him and I asked for a separation in late January. I'm now much happier - I'm worried about feeling lonely on Christmas day as I'll only have my son for half the day but I am so relieved not to have that horrible dead feeling anymore.

This was me last year. Every Christmas/New Year I would dread having to spend it with my OH. This is the first year I'm a single mum, 32 and left him. Whilst it's sad that we are no longer a family, I am happier on my own. I think when you get that dreaded feeling you know there's no going back. Do what is right for you in the New Year, don't let this continue for years.

i recognise these sentiments all too well.

fear of a negative reaction is what held me back. fear of being blamed. he did try to blame me for destroying the family. but i didn't and wouldn't accept his pov

its been psychologically very hard BUT not necessarily harder than being in an awful relationship; to me its a different type of difficult.

you learn an awful lot about yourself in the process, including a sense of your own worth and spirit.

I think Christmas can be stressful even for those of us in a happy marriage, due to all the family pressures / expectations etc. Maybe now is the time to plan some time for you both in the new year to try and work through the issues or maybe leave if that's what you want to do.

I know from bitter experience of having two parents who stayed together but fought relentlessly every Christmas (and every other holiday) just how miserable and damaging it can be. :(

I've put up with it since I was 18 im67 now kids grown gone
Another dreadful xmas hate looking at him scared financially and of all the stress as I had a breakdown in past because of him but even at my age now I'm going or will kill my self out of despair

Oh Poppy. That sounds so terrible. Please leave.
Things were pretty shit chez moi too. 😢

Longing for work tomorrow.
We are a toxic family.

Hey ho xmas over
Happy new year to all is ladies

I can really relate. Apart from the married thing. I’ve been trudging through life getting through various milestones for a long time in a relationship that is dead and it’s wearing me away. I need to get out but financially am finding it impossible to leave but I know I can’t carry on like this, it’s just miserable.