Bit confused if anything is going on or not

[doofers]

Will try to shorten this down.. My Husband got a new job three years ago.

This woman, will call her Sue, made a beeline for my Husband right away, asking him if he wanted to go for breakfast together, asking him to have lunch with her, asking if he wanted to go out for drinks after work, if he goes out for a smoke she appears out of nowhere to join him (she doesn't smoke) She asked him out on a date, he told her he was married.

Sue started to be (what I believe) to be inappropriate, she would tell my Husband who she has been sleeping with, when the last time she got laid was (her words) she even came in work one day and announced to Husband that she came on her period that morning so would be "out of action" for a week.

She started to text him when he was at home, she wanted to know what he was doing when he had a week off, when he replied saying we were heading away for a week her response was to say "oh, you are spending it with her?" asked him out for a meal when he got back, it was just constant.

My Husband would come home saying he loved his job but she was "doing his head in" he felt like he couldn't be in work for five seconds before she was there around him (for the record they work in the same building but different depts)

His work have a cafe, and he sometimes asks me to call in to have lunch with him there, I turned up one day and as soon as she saw me she turned to him and said "Oh, thought you would go to lunch with me not her" then walked off.

It all came to a head a month or so ago when he told her (again) that he was married and not interested in anything other than working with her, he then changed his number and told his boss not to give it to anyone else, she then tried to add him on facebook. He made a big deal about him not wanting her to have his new number.

Was wrapping a birthday present last night and Husband told me to get his sisters address from his phone, she recently moved away and she text him her address, went to his texts and the top one in the list was from Sue asking if he wanted her to meet him so they could go for breakfast together, he had replied saying yes!

He has spent three years telling me she did his head in, how she was affecting his work, how he didn't want her to have his new number and now I am confused.

I gave him his sisters address then said "So you and Sue went for food after all then?" He just mumbled yes, I then got the whole "we work together so I may as well try to get on with her" thing.

I don't care about him having friends of the opposite sex if that is what she is, I don't care if they eat together at work, But I do care about the evil looks I get from her if I dare to be around my husband when he has asked me to meet him, I care about her texting him all the time when he is at home, I care about the whole "oh you are doing such a thing with HER"

Do I just let this play out and keep my eye on the texts? or do I talk to my husband? or am I being paranoid and this is just a normal work relationship?

Why in the blue hell did he change his number only to give it to her again?!

This has been going on for three years?! How on earth does she have his number?

To be honest I'd be doubting his version of events right about now. You don't need to go to lunch with a colleague in order to get on with them. And as your OP says, they don't work in the same department so don't technically work together anyway!!

Either she is harassing him to the point where he should be going to HR or he has done a masterful job of putting you off the scent.

I'm sorry to say but I think you know the answer to what is going on here.

Listen to your gut instinct

It's not a normal work relationship, no. She sounds unhinged.

I would be questioning as well why she thinks it's ok to talk to you like that...? What has your DH been saying about you? What does he say about her attitude to you? If a colleague (or anyone really) was that rude to my DH I'd certainly have something to say about it. I'd be very suspicious of your DH tbh, I think he's giving you one version of events to hide something quite different.

I agree with @Katnissk I think he spun you a yarn to potentially explain any erratic behaviour from her, effectively covering his ass incase she was to spill the beans on anything that was going on between them.

LTB sorry xx

Yes there is no way he'd simply put up with this her apparent obsessive behaviour for 3 years without escalating it to HR or the manager if it truly bothered him (surely?). Sorry, OP I think something untoward is going on with them. He definitely should have bollocked her every single time she spoke about you that way as well.

I agree with PNGirl.
Either she’s harassing him and he needs to go to HR or police or whatever or everything he’s saying is a smoke screen.

Hmmmm. Is there anything else going on that fits the script?
Has he withdrawn from your relationship? Mentionitis? Off sex?
I'd watch and wait.

Odd that he gave her his number again. Did he say why he'd done that?

Well he's good - I'll give him that!!!!

So he explicitly told you he had gone to extreme lengths in order for her not to have his number when in fact she has it, is texting him and he is replying and meeting her?

Suspicious as fuck

Whether u know if anything untoward is going on or not when she said in front of you "I thought you'd be having lunch with me not her" id have warned her off there and then in no uncertain terms with plenty of f bombs thrown in!

Calling the woman a crazy stalker is the oldest one in the book. How many times have I heard that about a woman from a man.

This type of behaviour is quite common in the workplace, from people who won’t take no for answer. I bet she’d back right off once they’d had sex, as he was no longer forbidden fruit & out of her reach.

He needs to report her to HR

Gives you an AWFUL lot of information about her doings doesn't he, OP? I think he's enjoying himself hugely - as are you a little, being the one holding such a 'prize' that another woman wants so much.

Deep down I think you know all this, you just don't want to face it. That's understandable.

What will you do?

I would tell him you are going to contact her to ask her to back the f off!! I think his reaction may well tell you what the situation is. Im unsure to be honest, like you are, but if she is indeed a crazy stalker, she needs reporting to HR

Wow. She knows about you but you dont know about her. She has probably told him he needs to end it and he hasnt so shes trying to make you aware with the looks and comments. Only he flips this by making her out to be crazy stalker lady.

Yes, that is really confusing. It sheds some doubt on the picture he had been painting of her as a crazy stalker. Did he have an explanation for how she got his new number?

Why on earth did she say, oh you are spending it with her, about his week off? You are his wife after all. What kind of impression is he giving her about your marriage?

Piece together what you know for a fact (i.e. what you have seen or heard yourself) against what he has told you about her. What are you left with?

Talk to your husband and see how he reacts. Present him with the contrasts he's shown, and ask which is the reality. On one hand, Sue "does his head in", is rude to his wife, issues unwanted invitations, they work in different departments and he didn't want her to have his number. On the other hand, he hasn't told her to stop, hasn't defended you against her rudeness, has said yes to one invitation and possibly many more without telling you, they supposedly "work together" despite being in different departments, and she has his number. Ask him why all those things appear to be so inconsistent.