First Christmas NC with MIL

[IMissGin]

So this is first NC Christmas and she’s sent gifts for kids via BIL despite no apology and not having seen DS since he was 4mo. She has also sent a gif for my mum - no idea on rationale? Nothing for us. No card or note. What should we do? Post back? Bin? I feel like she’s trying to make herself look like the victim again but likewise I don’t want her to think we’re happy to accept gifts but NC. The kids don’t need gifts they need GPs that give a shit. Any advice?

THanks again Attila, I totally agree with you. How can I make him
See when he doesn’t want to? His view at the moment is that if she were to die he would hate himself.

Ps I’ve binned my card/gift- his are staring at me from the sideboard

I would let him contact them. It's his family but have a chat with him first about what is needed to get past this.
If they stop send big gifts and just sit down and talk about what happened and apologise will that make you feel better, if so then that's what he needs to tell them has to happened.
I'd let him deal with it but make it very clear you won't be involved unless xyz happen

Thanks handsfull. Sadly we’ve already told them we need an apology and to sit down and talk, their refusal is why we went NC.

His own inertia when it comes to his mother hurts him as well as you. He has to address this along with FOG (fear, obligation and guilt). He will never be free of her toxic influence otherwise.

There are plenty of resources online re such toxic parents, will he be willing to read those or more preferably see a therapist (and one at that who is well versed in the ways of such dysfunctional families). That person will need also to have NO bias about keeping families together despite the presence of mistreatment.

I would tell your DP not to go down that rabbit hole re her future demise. She has had a lifetime to make all the difference when it came to him, her son, but she chose instead to repeat with him what she already knew. It is NOT his fault she is the ways she is towards him and you as a couple, you did not make him that way.