Advice anyone?

[Stickstickstick]

Not really sure why I have left it so late to post but to say I'm devestated is an understatement.

My grandfather recently
Passed away so I know I am
Grieving at the moment also and I'm shocked that this has happened.

So my "DP" of 4 years went out last Saturday night, all fine, nothing unusual and went to work on Sunday but left one of his phones and asked me to find it (we both have two at the moment as waiting for contract to finish) anyway I found the phone and my gut was telling me to look (this is not something I have felt I needed to do previously )

Upon looking through his phone, I found screenshots of women in their underwear he had been sent (apparently because they get bored they send him naked pictures), he had text his ex on the night out to apologise for everything and a series of very flirty texts.

Anyway I confronted him about this and he explained was just a bit of banter and that he respects me enough not to actually go and do anything with another woman.

Anyway, I still had a gut feeling something wasn't right but he convinced me all was ok and we were fine, or so I thought, until the following day when he goes ape about me going through his phone as it means he can no longer trust me and I have no respect for him?

He then said he still loved me etc and would be there for my grandfathers funeral etc whilst continuing to stay in my house (he's adamant he's going back to his parents next week) and I then establish today that he got another woman's number last week - but he told her he was single and he lived with his parents and we were just good friends when he met her last Saturday - when I asked him about this he said he wanted her number as a friend as he doesn't have many (in my mind this is BS):

I feel completely alone/upset/angry/stressed I've not eaten in a week, currently waiting a message for him to let me know if he will be home tonight or not (as he has gone out again - we have two small DC aged under 2) and I just have no idea what to do - I love him and really want to sort this but doesn't seem to feel like he does - despite him continuing to say how much he loves me :(

[Stickstickstick]

And now I look like the crazy one because I have lost my shit so many times with him this week and I know I need to not but I couldn't help myself :/

[BrokenBattleDroid]

Don't worry about looking crazy, he'll think what he wants to about you regardless. And you have so much on your plate I'm not surprised your losing your rag with him, I'm sure anyone else would be the same.

Do you have a plan? Might help to channel some of that anger and frustration into doing useful/practical stuff.

And keep posting here, post the messages you want to send him. Even if nobody responds for a while, they will, and just writing and hitting send may be cathartic.