Advice anyone?

[Stickstickstick]

Not really sure why I have left it so late to post but to say I'm devestated is an understatement.

My grandfather recently
Passed away so I know I am
Grieving at the moment also and I'm shocked that this has happened.

So my "DP" of 4 years went out last Saturday night, all fine, nothing unusual and went to work on Sunday but left one of his phones and asked me to find it (we both have two at the moment as waiting for contract to finish) anyway I found the phone and my gut was telling me to look (this is not something I have felt I needed to do previously )

Upon looking through his phone, I found screenshots of women in their underwear he had been sent (apparently because they get bored they send him naked pictures), he had text his ex on the night out to apologise for everything and a series of very flirty texts.

Anyway I confronted him about this and he explained was just a bit of banter and that he respects me enough not to actually go and do anything with another woman.

Anyway, I still had a gut feeling something wasn't right but he convinced me all was ok and we were fine, or so I thought, until the following day when he goes ape about me going through his phone as it means he can no longer trust me and I have no respect for him?

He then said he still loved me etc and would be there for my grandfathers funeral etc whilst continuing to stay in my house (he's adamant he's going back to his parents next week) and I then establish today that he got another woman's number last week - but he told her he was single and he lived with his parents and we were just good friends when he met her last Saturday - when I asked him about this he said he wanted her number as a friend as he doesn't have many (in my mind this is BS):

I feel completely alone/upset/angry/stressed I've not eaten in a week, currently waiting a message for him to let me know if he will be home tonight or not (as he has gone out again - we have two small DC aged under 2) and I just have no idea what to do - I love him and really want to sort this but doesn't seem to feel like he does - despite him continuing to say how much he loves me :(

[Stickstickstick]

I live in a rental property and we aren't married thankfully!!! His family are aware - it's just really sad, I'm devestated about my life falling apart and all he keeps saying to me is life is too short and I have more important things to be thinking about aside from this. He wants to talk today - I don't I said everything I had to say last night sat here feeling physically sick and just want to cry :(

[AnnieAnoniMouse]

I hope you got some sleep.

Please tell me that you’re not thinking about staying with him?

For me, texting his ex & apologising & flirting with her and but he told her he was single and he lived with his parents and we were just good friends are both acts of a man who would (if he hasn’t already and I’m sorry to say, I think he probably has) jump into bed with someone else if given half a chance.

The naked photos aren’t just ‘porn’ type things (a whole other debate), but women he’s led on enough to get them to send photos.

You’d be in for a lifetime of shit like this, and worse, if you stayed with him.

I’d ring up his parents & tell them exactly why it’s over & that’s why you won’t be spending Christmas there, that he can take the kids to see them Christmas Day & that you’re happy to visit with the kids when he’s not there. I would also, def8niteky, tell them what he’s said about ‘just getting a Council place’ and how worried you are about ending up in temporary accommodation with the kids. Even though they can’t help financially they might give him a bollocking or be able to look after some of your stuff for you if it does come to that.

Do not listen to any of their ‘he’s so sorry, it was just a bit of flirting’ type nonsense and if they say ‘think of the children’ tell them YOU are & that’s why it’s over.

It’s going to be hard, especially while you’re grieving, but if you brush this under the carpet it will be far worse later on.

[ChippingInLovesTheApprentice]

all he keeps saying to me is life is too short and I have more important things to be thinking about aside from this

Such as?

Personally, I’d have thought him destroying your family would be the most important thing. Seemingly not.

Talk to his parents, make sure they have the full picture & not just ‘Ah I don’t know what’s with her, she’s gone off on one & chucked me out because I said hello to my ex’. Or some such shite.

Also, what’s all the ‘he gives me some money every month for the kids already’ all about? That doesn’t sound much like you’ve been living as a family.

[Namethecat]

Make a list of priorities.

1. Getting proactive in finding a home
   
2. Ensuring your health for your children (I.e start eating even if just soup to start with )
   
3. Attend your Grandads funeral ( not sure you could stop ex going but you don't have to go/talk to him )
   
4. Find out about available benefits / finance etc
   
5. Forget about him as he doesn't deserve you.

[Stickstickstick]

No we have been living as a family but since our eldest was small he transfers a set amount when he gets paid which has always worked fine for us

He thinks I should be focusing on the loss of my grandfather instead of what he's done because life is too short and that's all I keep getting along with 'I'm sorry you feel that way' it's like I'm banging my head against a brick wall

[LastOneDancing]

He's taking no responsibility and trying to shove it all in to you. He thinks what he did was okay, so what stops him carrying on?

He's right though. Life IS too short... to waste on men who put other women before their family.

[Stickstickstick]

Yes, you are right, I just wish I could snap out of being angry and peeved off with it, I hope he doesn't attempt to talk to me today as I won't be able to control my tounge (I wouldn't use the kids as a weapon or anything like that) which he seems hell bent on convincing me I will be doing next :/

[Stickstickstick]

Hes been round and said hes sorry for everything but hes happier on his own ffs 😣😣

[LastOneDancing]

After the way he's behaved I think he's done the best thing he can - if he wants to play the field (vom) he shouldn't be in a relationship.

But he's still a turd. And you are well rid, although it might not feel like that today.

I'm sorry this has happened OP. The timing is so awful.

[Stickstickstick]

I completley agree - i think i need to allow myself time to grieve for the loss of my relationship alongside losing my grandfather - well at least this year cant get any worse 😂😂

[Stickstickstick]

Hes now said he will have a rethink to see if we can start dating and try again WTAF

[Stickstickstick]

Now.im having a flap - please.can someone slap.me to.make.me.see.sense

[AnyFucker]

What are you in a flap about ? You think this sexually incontinent dickhead is worthy of you ? Think again.

[Annelind]

Hes now said he will have a rethink to see if we can start dating and try again WTAF

Dating? So you become a part of his harem? There if he can't find anyone else to fuck on a certain night? I DONT THINK SO!

[Stickstickstick]

No I know but there is a tiny part of me that wants him to sort his shit out so we can go back to being fine :( I'm sorry ladies just having a really shitty day and not thinking straight why is this so shit

[AnyFucker]

Because he is shit and you need to jettison him from your life

If you carry on nibbling at shit sandwiches, thst is all you will feast on. Not a great prospect.

[Stickstickstick]

I know you are right, bastard feelings and all that jazz, sucks :(

[Annelind]

The only feeling this man has is for sticking his dick in yet another gullible 'conquest'.

[Stickstickstick]

😓😓😓 I've just been admitted to hospital as they think I've been experiencing mini strokes - he's at home with our kids now, I actually couldn't make this shit up

[AnyFucker]

Hope you are ok

[Annelind]

So sorry, OP. Wishing you all the best

[IHadOneWish]

Hi there, going through a breakup of my own right now and I'm confused but this is as clear as they get. He's been cheating for a while, no women get bored and just text pictures of themselves, that's a laughable reason I'm afraid and you're more than well aware of it.

He's treating you like a doormat, get up off the floor and stop allowing it to happen, as harsh as it sounds that is the only way you can regain your self respect. You're as low as you allow yourself to be and trust me I know the pain of heart break all too well as my partner of 15 years just left me and my 9y/o a month after my Mother died, but truthfully it would be much simpler if this is what I found as I'd know it was completely over immediately.

[BrokenBattleDroid]

Given you latest update all you can do at the moment is focus on your health; he is so unimportant right now that if he even mentions anything about dating or similar you can laugh in his face.

Really hope you are doing Ok, it must have been scary. X

[HeebieJeebies456]

Tell him you will NEVER 'date' him again cos he's a lying, cheating shit bag!

Tell him he can't sit next to you at the funeral if he goes.
Was he close to your grandfather or have any sort of relationship with him?
You could tell him not to go but i think legally anybody is allowed to turn up at a funeral.

the thought of temporary accommodation scares the crap out of me and I feel that may tip me over the edge health wise
Stay put whilst you contact the council and start sorting out alternative secure accomodation.
Keep paying your rent in the meantime.
The landlord will have to issue eviction proceedings to get you out in the meantime - which actually works in your favour.
It takes a few months for evictions to happen so you have enough time to find alternative accomodation.
The council will also place you in a higher priority banding if you're being evicted.

For now, just focus on eating and looking after yourself so you can be there for your kids.
After Christmas you can focus on re-housing.
Contact CAB/Shelter also for advice.

Chin up, OP

[Stickstickstick]

Im ok.just my head all.over the place, today i feel angry he told.me.he still cares and will be there to.support.me.etc but not even a text or call to ask if i am.ok - its taking every ounce of strength i have not to send him.an angry message 😣