How to get over my ex now she's dating my friend

[samthoams98]

If you could take the time to read all the context it will be so appreciated

So me and my EX split up over a month ago. We was together for around a year and a half. Was an amazing relationship and she was also my first ever love I opened up to this girl and she did the same with me. It was one of those relationships where we was best friends and everything was just going great and she was happy. Towards the end of our relationship thins just weren't working out and we both became unhappy and never actually did anything to make these things right.

Anyway, she doesn't really have any boy friends because she's just a girly girly but she did occasionally get on with the one guy lets call him A. Anyway throughout our relationship she never saw anything in A, and we would go to college and she would see him and go to parties etc but there was never an inclination that she ever liked him whilst we were together. Anyway, when we broke up all of her friends were saying that the best way to get over me was to "get under someone else" as in start dating someone else. We'd only been split up a few weeks. What I can't understand is that multiple of her friends have done this when they ended it with there ex and she would always persistently say to me, I would never do that to you because It's so wrong and I care about you too much.

Anyway she's basically started dating this guy and as I'm still healing It's so hard to get over it. I see them everyday in college together acting like nothing happened. I know my ex really loved me but I can't see how she's acting like I was never in her life and that she's ready to just jump the gun. She also tried to text me saying she doesn't hate me but that she's told everyone she hates me alot but that she's in love with this new guy after only three weeks!

I know it's easier said that done because once you split up with your ex you never really have to see them again but I have to put up with her and this guy on a daily basis. I don't want her back I want to clarify that. I just feel as if though everything's hard for me at the minute but she's finding everything easy and she's extremely happy. She keeps claiming It's the happiest she's ever been which in way she's trying to say being with me was the worst shes ever been but throughout our honey moon period of our relationship was the exact same as what she's having now.

The guy is the complete opposite to me in every way. I can't help to think if she's trying to get into some sort of rebound relationship or whether she's needing the comfort for the pain she's going through to distract her from getting over it by being with somebody else. All of her friends are jumping on the band wagon like "you guys are so cute" and "you look great together" and it's just annoying to hear because this is my first every breakup. I don't know how to deal with things and it breaks my heart to see somebody i was with happy with somebody else whilst I'm here upset and hurting.

Any advice at all would be appreciated. Just be straight up, thankyou.

I think this is all relatively normal for a first relationship TBH.

You will be ok, just try to avoid her and him as much as possible, stay off social media if it is making you sad and spend time with friends and having fun.

Hi there.
I've been through it all and it's not how it looks like from the outside.she can say whatever she wants to make herself feel better but the truth is that she's actually using him to get over you and no she's not in love. So don't be upset by her just know that there's a real story behind all this acting and it's she's still healing too but in a different way. I think you should concentrate with whatever you want to achieve. Kill them with success. No point wasting time. I know it's easily said but I've been through it myself

Block her on everything. What she says and does now isn’t a commentary on your past relationship with her but you do need to keep your distance, as her current behaviour is detrimental to your MH.

Some people fall in and out of love very easily and are quite oblivious to the feelings of others while they are getting their fix.

I’m sorry you’re having such a rough time. The first heart break is the worst. I’d also second blocking them on social media and spending as much time as you can with friends who are good for you and go out and enjoy yourself. Going to the gym always helps me. Don’t drink and drown your sorrows, alcohol is a depressant. Pack away memories of your ex, she sounds very young and immature. Don’t engage with her and blank her and the new guy.

You will be fine and you’ll eventually meet someone else who is better suited for you. Best of luck!

Maybe you should try dating again as it might also help you to move on faster like it has for her. You don’t need to jump into anything serious with anyone if you aren’t over her yet, but maybe just having some casual dates and someone to flirt with and chat to will help (as long as you make your intentions clear to them that you don’t want anything serious).
Keep yourself as busy as possible too. Whenever you feel sad try and distract yourself by doing something else for 20 mins until the feeling passes.
Young love can really, really hurt and I remember being distraught when relationships broke down in my teens and 20s. It’s normal to feel a whole range of emotions and just keep telling yourself that it will soon pass. I don’t give some of my ex’s a second thought now, whereas at the time I felt like I was going to die from a broken heart.

Thanks for everybody's replies, I didn't expect a forum to reply this fast and to give such amazing replies. For the people wondering' I'm only 18 and yes still very young.

I can't help to feel if it is a rebound relationship because It seems as if she's very obsess with this new guy but I can't seem to pin point what she likes because he doesn't seem like the guy she'd go for. I am trying my best to stay off social media and she's been blocked on everything as I don't want to see anything that will upset me.

I'm not the type of guy to ever get emotional about anything but this has just completely wiped me out and It's even harder because with seeing her It's 10 times as hard to get over her.

It could be rebound but it doesn't really make much difference. She's gone and you're in pain. The pain will fade but it's horrible whilst it lasts. We've all been there I imagine. Lots of love

This won’t be the last time you experience love and it probably won’t be the last time your heart is broken either.

Your first real break up is really difficult.

Try to use this experience to learn how to deal with difficult feelings, nothing is really going to take away the sadness but I do think your way of staying in touch with difficult feelings is better than her way of trying to pretend she doesn’t have them.

Thanks Offred. I completely agree with you. I feel like such an idiot coming to forums asking for advice but I feel like it helps in that I want people to be honest and tell me how it is because I've never experienced a breakup before when my Ex had because she had one before me.

I just really want to get on with my life and with being so young I know in myself she won't matter in months to come and I know i need to focus on myself I just keep saying it.

As for going looking for other girls I don't think I want that but I feel as if i need to compete to make things normal. Girls tell me I'm very attractive looks and personality wise and I don't think personally I'm totally an idiot but I feel like I can't even talk to a girl now having shared everything with the first ever girl I had.

There’s no need ‘to compete’, being in a relationship for the sake of being in a relationship is no prize. You will meet someone, better to meet them when you’re ready and have healed, then put yourself and someone through the pain of a rebound relationship.

Take care and be mindful that she may well try revive a relationship that has passed its sell by date.

You're not an idiot at all for asking on here, on the contrary it is a sign of great strength to seek help when you need it. It really hurts when someone breaks it off, no matter your age. Give it time and just be very kind to yourself.
It's hard when someone seems to move on so fast. Some people just want to be 'with somebody'. It's bound to hurt seeing them together. Try to avoid them as much as possible and do remember that you are a worthwhile person (and you do sound nice) and there will be lots of other people who will like to go out with you, when you are ready. It's true that time is a great healer.

Sorry on re-reading your OP properly I see you both kind of broke it off. What seems to be hurting more, understandably, is how she's gone so soon onto this new bloke having said she wouldn't do that, and is kind of 'in your face with it' with friends commenting etc. That sounds annoying for you and hard to figure out. Sometimes people act in ways that we can't understand, or they're hypocritical, which is very disappointing.
It is very hard to cope with someone you were in a relationship being suddenly in a new one, while you are still trying to get over your relationship.
In time all will be well and you will have new and better relationships, however hard that may be to believe just now. You sound like a good catch.
Good luck

Thankyou very much Hatty, It's nice to read advice that actually helps than your friends just saying "have sex with someone else" I go out to parties I go clubbing I'm not really a stay at home person but I don't want to turn into something I'm not which I feel like she is doing.

The only thing I've said when people have asked me about it is as long as they're both happy together then everythings fine.

Take comfort from the fact that you've got your integrity, which is a very valuable thing and a cornerstone to self esteem imo. You are your own person and tbh you sound like you're handling the whole situation very well. That sounds like a sensible thing to say to people because what can you say really.
You sound mature, and you might find at this age that you are more mature than some of your friends. This will get easier later on (although some people never grow up of course!) Others might just not know what to say, as they don't have much life experience yet. You've reached out to people on here, knowing we have a bit more life experience, and that shows good resourcefulness.
One of the things I did after a break up which helped me was to make a list of nice things I could do for myself. Just anything I liked doing or thought of as a treat. Then I ticked them off as I did them.

Awh Sam, the first time stings like hell, but you're going to get through this, it's happened to us all.Forget finding another girl for the time being, throw yourself into your studies, you've now got a bit more time to yourself, so make the most of it.Give your college work all you've got, get into the gym, a healthy body equals a healthy mind.Make some plans to meet up with your school friends and spend some time away from social media.Dont spend time thinking her new relationship through, he's not her type etc, none of it matters.Its all about you now, I know it's hard to believe but when you're an old fart like me, you'll look back and smile about this experience.

Thank you very much for the advice, that's what family are trying to convey too. Need to focus on my studies all the way.

I just hope that she is in a rebound relationship then she can actually feel the pain that I'm going through

Woah Sam!
Cut that shit out now.

I know you're hurting - we've all been there.

But you said yourself, you both felt it wasn't working. You both ended it. Nobody cheated. So let's not start wishing a shitty rebound relationship on her now, so that she also "feels the pain!"

People move on a different rates.

It's not on to go around telling people it's fine as long as they're happy - whilst actually wishing her unhappiness!

I hope you feel better soon - time really is a great healer. But stop trying to wish pain and unhappiness on her, OK?

I apologise for wishing hurt onto my ex. At that moment I just got heated and upset. It's just so hard to see them both having a ball together and I don't have anybody

You honestly will be happy with someone again and won’t give her a second thought. I used to get given this sort of advice when I was your age and I never believed it and always thought I knew best. I genuinely wouldn’t even recognise half the people now that I dated back then and I couldn’t care less about any of them. It’s weird to think they meant so much to me at one time, and now they are complete strangers in my life. She wasn’t the one for you, so try and remain positive that someone much better in every way for you will eventually come your way and make you happier than you’ve ever felt

I hope so. I'm listening to all the advice I can get and i appreciate everybody's input.

Just real hard seeing them both together. I just don't get how after a month of us splitting up she's literally in a new relationship as if she's already healed and moved on as if the 2 years didn't mean anything.

I know I keep going on and it's stupid but I just don't understand.

Sometimes people’s ways of moving on are to get with someone else straight away to help them block out any thoughts they might have about their ex. He’s probably just a good distraction and I’m sure she’d be feeling the way you do if she didn’t have him around