How to get over my ex now she's dating my friend

[samthoams98]

If you could take the time to read all the context it will be so appreciated

So me and my EX split up over a month ago. We was together for around a year and a half. Was an amazing relationship and she was also my first ever love I opened up to this girl and she did the same with me. It was one of those relationships where we was best friends and everything was just going great and she was happy. Towards the end of our relationship thins just weren't working out and we both became unhappy and never actually did anything to make these things right.

Anyway, she doesn't really have any boy friends because she's just a girly girly but she did occasionally get on with the one guy lets call him A. Anyway throughout our relationship she never saw anything in A, and we would go to college and she would see him and go to parties etc but there was never an inclination that she ever liked him whilst we were together. Anyway, when we broke up all of her friends were saying that the best way to get over me was to "get under someone else" as in start dating someone else. We'd only been split up a few weeks. What I can't understand is that multiple of her friends have done this when they ended it with there ex and she would always persistently say to me, I would never do that to you because It's so wrong and I care about you too much.

Anyway she's basically started dating this guy and as I'm still healing It's so hard to get over it. I see them everyday in college together acting like nothing happened. I know my ex really loved me but I can't see how she's acting like I was never in her life and that she's ready to just jump the gun. She also tried to text me saying she doesn't hate me but that she's told everyone she hates me alot but that she's in love with this new guy after only three weeks!

I know it's easier said that done because once you split up with your ex you never really have to see them again but I have to put up with her and this guy on a daily basis. I don't want her back I want to clarify that. I just feel as if though everything's hard for me at the minute but she's finding everything easy and she's extremely happy. She keeps claiming It's the happiest she's ever been which in way she's trying to say being with me was the worst shes ever been but throughout our honey moon period of our relationship was the exact same as what she's having now.

The guy is the complete opposite to me in every way. I can't help to think if she's trying to get into some sort of rebound relationship or whether she's needing the comfort for the pain she's going through to distract her from getting over it by being with somebody else. All of her friends are jumping on the band wagon like "you guys are so cute" and "you look great together" and it's just annoying to hear because this is my first every breakup. I don't know how to deal with things and it breaks my heart to see somebody i was with happy with somebody else whilst I'm here upset and hurting.

Any advice at all would be appreciated. Just be straight up, thankyou.

Aw you sound smashing. First love hurts a lot. Happy Christmas and you will have a great 2018.

You do sound like a lovely young man (I realise that makes me sound like a perv!) and you will be fine, I know it.

First love hurts like hell and it's hard to believe that it will be OK. But it will, promise.

Do stuff you enjoy
With people you like
Keep off social medium
Things like this are never really how they look
It’s all a front
No wonder it confuses you
It’s not real
Good luck x

Thanks to every single person that has given me advice throughout this thread you're all true hero's.

I've decided to not let this hit my self-confidence because I feel like I'm worth more than that but I've secured myself a date tomorrow night which is pretty cool.

Starting to now get over her and move on; she wasn't worth it.

Wish me luck!

Good :)
Very healthy attitude.
Good luck x

Didn't really want to post again as I had a some what positive mindset. Until today where a swarm of my friends were messaging me letting me now that they've been having sex and Iran sent me back to square one.

Hate it.

Well, that was helpful of your friends
Have you told them thar you don't want to hear anything about it?

If you have ant contact with her, put a stop to it for the time being. Heal first, then be friends at a later date.

any*

Still don't know what to do.

I'm trying so so hard to get over everything. She some how keeps social media stalking me I'm hearing off people but I don't wanna hear it.

We ended up seeing eachother in a club on New Years because all of our friends met up. I really didn't wanna see her but she's kept trying to leave her new boyfriend to speak to me and dance with me. I wasn't having any of it. She seemed really unhappy with him that night like she was bored.

Anyways any idea on how to control my mind? It's driving me crazy, I just keep thinking of all the amazing times we had and now that they're seeing eachother all the time it's hurting me :/

Avoid the people who talk to you about her.

Leave places where she is.

They're like my best friends that and sometimes I feel as if though they're kind of doing it to have my back but to piss me off at the same time.

It's the New Year and I'm already stuck back in the same boat..

Stay strong, just get lots of things planned to keep you busy. She can clearly see that you’re not rushing off in a big pretence to get over her and that’s making you look more mature and interesting. So if you’re paths do cross, just remember it wasn’t meant to be, otherwise you’d still be together. Use the time to make some good friends. As soon as you stop thinking about her, there will be someone else....

They aren’t you best friends though if they are being so insensitive. Have you told them you find it insensitive?

Getting your heart broken is called that for a reason, because it’s broken. It hurts, it’s the reason for all of those sad love songs and the inspiration for many creative works of art. It takes time to heal but it will heal. You will find the next time you love will be different as your heart will be a little scarred. Broken relationships can be a great learning experience for us, I know you say you loved her but there was obviously something not right in your relationship. Focus on that. Focus on the game playing you noticed at the club. Is that the kind of person you really want to trust your heart with again? No? So you have learned a little about what you don’t want in your next partner. Spend time with friends and family that love and care about you while you heal. Don’t put yourself in situations that can be painful and take a break from social media. Remember as Winnie the poo once said “You're braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think” and ps don’t change the kind sensitive side the right woman will adore you for that one day x

On NYE, your ex wanted your attention because you weren't giving her any attention. Silly ego playing there.

You need to take time away from it all. Dating etc. Retreat a bit. Take two weeks of quiet time.

It's not about not being loyal and with your best friends right now. It's about taking stock of your relationship; licking your wounds and most importantly, thinking about what you want for the future which includes how you behave around your ex. She may well seem to or actually pursue you again. Then what?

Breaking up like this at 18 is so very painful. It shapes you. Make sure you behave with dignity and respect where it's due including to yourself.

Really appreciate all the messages.

It's just so stupid because I don't want her, I want to heal. I slowly start getting back on track and then get swallowed up by finding something else out.

Everyone has respected me so highly with how I've dealt with the situation and not just moving on after three weeks.

It's my first love, what can you do really :/ ?

This is why I’m saying to address this with the people who are doing it.

If your friends tell you things then tell them firmly to stop. If they continue then don’t spend time with them until you are feeling strong enough to cope with it.

If she arrives somewhere you are then leave straight away, if you arrive somewhere she is then leave straight away.

Not having any contact, directly or indirectly through your friends will help you move on.

Well, you never forget your first love!

And I would most definitely take your ex saying she's in love again and how happy she is with a big pinch of salt.

When you're ready to date again and she finds out you're dating, she may well ask to get back together with you. Be prepared for that too.

Take your time. Immerse yourself in this things you love to do.

It feels like the unhappiness will never ever end. But you will notice longer gaps in between your thinking of her. Other interests and definitely other people will start to take over your heartbreak.

Yeah thank Cobbler!

I'm started to notice the gaps and I don't think about her as much.

It's so stupid because It seems like why am i still obsessive over a girl that completely fuc*ed me over?

I think you should get yourself on tinder , if nothing more than to obtain an ego boost and maybe to have conversations with other girls. I think it will take your mind off this girl you mention.

What you have to remember is she got with someone else really quick , therefore she will probably do that again to this current boyfriend too. She's easy , I liken people (that are inclined in this way) to cheap watches , easy to obtain, easy to afford , may go with a couple of outfits but ultimately you wouldn't want them as a long term piece of Jewellery. That's where you look at the rolexs 💁🏻. The rolexes are the women who are reliable , thoughtful, not easy , classy and loyal. You'll find someone much better than this girl, trust me!
In 2/3 months time you'll be wondering why on earth you were so gutted

Urgh... women are people not watches!

He loved her, this was his first love. Of course it hurts that they have broken up and it probably will do for a while.

What she is doing now is best kept out of his mind. The relationship ended, they do, it doesn’t mean she is ‘cheap’ etc etc

And how would him going on tinder not be cheap if she’s cheap for dating again?

Already started moving on.

I've had 10s of girls text me since the breakup but I don't want to even try start anything serious as it doesn't feel the same.

What are the best tips to train my mind to not think of her, because I'm fine when I'm not thinking about her.

Honestly,

What she does and who she does it with is really none of your business or concern.

She may or may not be 'in love' with this new guy but it's really egotistical of you to assume that what she is doing is directly related to you.

You broke up, you started seeing someone, and so did she. You are just butt hurt because she is happy and for some reason you think she deserves to be miserable.

Put your big boy pants on and suck it up. Break ups hurt, but your obsession over your it isn't doing you any favours.

What are the best tips to train my mind to not think of her, because I'm fine when I'm not thinking about her

Great question! One tip I got from a counsellor when trying to avoid negative thoughts was this:

Think of your thoughts like trains (think "trains of thought"). Negative thoughts are like accidentally getting on the wrong train, so the destination is Shitsville rather than Happy Town. What would you do if you realised you were on the wrong train, going to the wrong place (destination Shitsville, ie sad mood)? You'd think "woah, I don't want to be on this train, going there!", you'd get off ASAP and go back to where you started, and get on the right one wouldn't you. You then try and work out how the hell you got on the wrong train. This is trying to recognise triggers to those trains of thought that cause a bad/sad mood. It takes some practice but it really helps stop those downward spirals in their tracks.

An example would be, say she had a pug and every time you saw a pug you'd start thinking of her. When you're practiced at recognising the triggers you will say to yourself "Ah, a pug! Ex had one of those" but before you think any more about her you can stop yourself getting on that train to Shitsville by distracting yourself with thinking of something that makes you happy. You've got on the train to Happy Town instead. It's like saying to yourself "No, I'm not going there!".

Otherwise you carry on on the wrong train (of thought) and end up all the way into Shitsville.

You're doing the right thing by blocking her on social media. Also tell all your friends that you do not want them to tell you anything about what she's doing. Also add that you don't want them to relay any messages, in case she tries that. If they don't respect your wishes block them until you feel more healed. As others have said, avoid places she's likely to be when possible. It hurts like hell but it will pass. You could also look up the process of loss and change as losing a relationship is very much like bereavement. Be kind to yourself.