Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Not sure what to do...

30 replies

FabulousUsername · 15/12/2017 13:49

Although I'm not sure posting in a forum is the right thing but I'm at work and can't think or talk to anyone. I just got 2 texts from my stbxh the first saying I hadn't parked my car properly (so he must be near my place) and the second saying he was going to write down what my terms were (?) then end it all.

Is this a suicide threat? I texted then tried to call, got nothing. I can't go home unless I get a taxi as I left my car there, office Xmas party tonight...not sure if I should panic or ignore. WSID?? WWYD?

OP posts:
OrangeCarpet · 15/12/2017 13:52

Let the police know. Then go out and enjoy your xmas party.

Original poster
FabulousUsername · 15/12/2017 13:54

Thank you, good idea. I'll text first and tell him I'm informing police and see if that gets a response.

OP posts:
Thefutureisbright2017 · 15/12/2017 13:58

Yes agree, likelihood he's embarrassed when police show up for adult welfare check and he wants a response from you. Enjoy the Xmas party tonight.

FooFighter99 · 15/12/2017 13:59

Hopefully it's just an empty threat to get a reaction from you. report to 101 then you have covered yourself.

Try and enjoy your office xmas party, don't let him get to you Flowers

OrangeCarpet · 15/12/2017 14:00

I’ve had this scenario twice with different people. The first was an sbusive attention seeking twat and I dropped everything to sort him out. The second was someone with serious mental health problems. I informed the police who sent someone round to check on them. The second way of dealing with this was better. I had a responsibility to inform the professionals. But I was not and will never be responsible for someone else’s actions. And neither are you.

Original poster
FabulousUsername · 15/12/2017 14:00

No response...think I'll call neighbours. Hard to call 101 as I'm not the office...

OP posts:
Original poster
FabulousUsername · 15/12/2017 14:02

He doesn't know it's the Xmas party tonight, we are living apart...

OP posts:
Animation86 · 15/12/2017 14:05

please try to call 101 and not involve neighbours, that seems like quite an unfair thing to drag them into

Original poster
FabulousUsername · 15/12/2017 14:14

Ok... haven't had response to my text from the neighbors, I just asked if they were home, can brush it off. Will leave office and call 101.

OP posts:
ChickenMom · 15/12/2017 14:15

Don’t let him ruin your xmas party. Are you SURE he doesn’t know? Could somebody else have told him that you are out tonight?

Tinselistacky · 15/12/2017 14:18

I am not on fb but my exh used to trawl through the fb of my friends to find out my plans /whereabouts.
He sent me pics of myself in a pre booked to us only restaurant - I sat in the porch and cried, felt quite violated.
Make it clear to people he is unhinged and you need privacy and their support.

Original poster
FabulousUsername · 15/12/2017 15:27

He is ok. I called police and they said to go home but i have no car today so took train halfway. Am now stuck and need to get back for colleagues... Didn't tell them where I was going. No ubers. Buggeration!

OP posts:
GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 15/12/2017 16:22

You OK, OP?

OrangeCarpet · 15/12/2017 16:52

I think this is exactly what he wanted.
I would have said to police, no I’ve informed you and I’m not going home.

Original poster
FabulousUsername · 15/12/2017 17:18

Got back just in time, on way to Xmas party now. Police did respond and went to house, neighbours saw, H very angry and calling me bonkers BUT..
The wording of his text was cause for me to worry wasn't it??
And he didn't reply when I texted/ called.
I am quite sure I wasn't bonkers to be worried and if he'd been in trouble I'd have been blamed for not responding. He's been texting me some dark things in the past few days , like 'i am worthless' so I did have grounds to worry Confused

OP posts:
GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 15/12/2017 17:19

RUDE BASTARD.

No, I don't think you're bonkers.

Enjoy your party if you can, you've definitely earned a bloody huge glass of wine for starters...

OrangeCarpet · 15/12/2017 17:39

He sounds like a narcissist. Have a lovely evening and forget about him.

SnowGlitter · 16/12/2017 08:28

Grin he's calling you bonkers because he looked like an idiot! Well done for doing the right thing.

However, in future say to the police "no i am not going home, we have separated and I have plans. I have fulfilled my responsibility to him by telling you"

Oh and I wouldn't be too sure he wasn't aware of your xmas party either

Pinkpillows · 16/12/2017 08:59

Calling the police shows him you care, its all a game

Your not responsible for a grown man, next time he texts just ignore it

It's a form of control and you played right into his hands

Don't listen to the political correct people here but what if what if....yeah what if he was a decent man who left you alone. ...sounds far fetched

Original poster
FabulousUsername · 16/12/2017 13:13

Party was fun last night but he kept texting. I only responded once to tell him to stop contacting me. The only thing I keep wondering about is whether there was any ambiguity in his message... He says he was referring to the marriage re: end it all but I still think it was a threat! Especially as I got no response. I seriously thought that he might harm himself in my place as I final 'Fyou' ...and his parting message was that I'd parked my car wrong...

OP posts:
Original poster
FabulousUsername · 16/12/2017 13:14

We have decree nisi already and just need to get financial agreed! So. I need to get on with it!

OP posts:
thedevilinablackdress · 16/12/2017 13:18

Can you block his number. Direct any future contact through solicitors?

Trills · 16/12/2017 13:27

You told the police what he wrote. They decided that it warranted them going to his house. They are the experts here and they don't think you reacted wrongly.

OrangeCarpet · 16/12/2017 14:04

Have you got kids together?

SnowGlitter · 16/12/2017 18:24

Pink is right to a degree. It is a form of control.

By replying to him, even once, you are giving him what he wants.

However, calling the police, in the event of a suicide threat, or inpkied suicide threat, you are right to pass it on to them. They won't take too kindly to a timewaster, given how limited their resources are, and he is more likely to back off if he realises you're not going to respond but the police/a psychiatric crisis team are.

And don't you dare feel guilty or responsible for him. He's an idiot and an adult who knows exactly what he is doing.

Don't keep wondering about any ambiguity in his message. Everything he wront was deliberate. Put him out of your head and just get on with your life.

I'm being serious when I say that his "bonkers" and angry response to you were not because he was correct; it was because you'd exposed him as a manipulative fool and he was embarrased. And so he should have been!