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Original poster

Why do some men get angry when you finish with them?

60 replies

lottieandmia22 · 12/12/2017 10:22

This has happened to me quite a lot. Not every time but it’s noticeable. They seem to want to say I’m the problem not them. They ask why and don’t want to hear why. And they throw my Autism in my face as if I’m not going to find anyone else because I have autism. Why would anyone want to be with someone who doesn’t like them? My mum always says ‘oh well yes he would be angry’. I actually don’t think this is right.

OP posts:
RestingGrinchFace · 12/12/2017 16:15

You don't get a choice in personality, it's very hard to alter and requires a lot of therapy. People who behave the way that you described usually do so because they have a personality disorder. This is not normal behaviour. I'm not saying that makes it ok but just stating the obvious.

To answer the OPs question they are either reacting this way because you are choosing aresholes or because of your attitude. You don't 'finish' with people. They're not disposable like that. It's most likely a combination of the two.

TheNaze73 · 12/12/2017 16:16

I think it’s the rejection thing & applies to both sexes.

drspouse · 12/12/2017 16:18

Many men are conditioned to believe that anger is the only acceptable negative emotion for them to feel/display, so they may be hurt/upset/embarrassed etc to be dumped but will show this as anger.

I think this is part of it, as well as "I'm really great so you must be worthless if you don't want to be with me".

I've had the waterworks turned on me and also mild to moderate anger (e.g. punching the sofa but then apologising). It's similar to my 5 year old who shouts or hits when he doesn't get his way. Not right, childish, but slightly understandable.

Skarossinkplunger · 12/12/2017 16:21

I think it’s completely natural to be angry when someone hurts you, male or female.

Dustbunny1900 · 12/12/2017 16:23

Ok, I was confused at first because "finishing" means orgasm where I'm from.
I'm guessing you mean dumped.
I get angry at being ghosted because its cowardly and dishonest, but if someone is upfront , well that just how the cookie crumbles.
It's a hurt to their ego. So they lash out by bringing you down and hitting at a sensitive spot.
It's not just men, but it's a shitty response that seems to be common

drspouse · 12/12/2017 16:33

Oh I've also been pretty angry too - at them being stupid and at them behaving badly to me. By stupid I mean something like, flitting from woman to woman and making bad decisions (not, they are stupid because they don't like ME). It tends to make me a bit angry when people behave stupidly.
I haven't hit anyone or shouted at them, though, but I may have told them they were behaving stupidly and that I was angry with them.

SandyY2K · 12/12/2017 16:41

Rejection hurts and people show that hurt in different ways.

Although I fail to see how anger is helpful.

Funny enough I know a woman who was dumped by her BF by text.

She replied saying "no worries. Take care" and he became so angry with her. So angry that she wasn't hurt and he proceeded to tell her she didn't care about him.... blah blah blah....it was his ego, even though he was the dumper.

Original poster
lottieandmia22 · 12/12/2017 16:47

What's wrong with the term 'finish with'? It mean end the relationship that doesn't mean I see people as disposable ffs.

I ended it because he was attention seeking and very hard work and also selfish. I felt he was using me as a sounding board / for sex.

OP posts:
Eolian · 12/12/2017 16:47

People feel sadness and anger when they are rejected or when things don't turn out their way. Rejection feels like a criticism, so rather than take that criticism lying down, they lash out by criticising the other person. Not rational and nice behaviour, certainly, but a pretty understandable and normal human reaction.

RainyApril · 12/12/2017 17:43

Well then it sounds like you did the right thing breaking up with him, and his angry reaction should have served to confirm that.

overnightangel · 12/12/2017 17:47

Yes Coz women never go nuts when they get dumped Confused

KioskKeithForPresident · 12/12/2017 18:13

It's just like the Fox and the Grapes. Read it here:

read.gov/aesop/005.html

Cognitive dissonance. It's a psychological mechanism of coping with things life throws at you.

People (men and women) do it all time - and anger is just a manifestation of this.

You get it everywhere and it's a form of revisionism- "never really wanted that job anyway"; "if I'd got into Bristol University, I'd never have met Brian"; "he's the love of my life" (conveniently forgetting all the other "he's was the love of my life" who dumped her cruelly who she now never really wanted anyway).

For people who behave like this the best form of defence of their (understandably) bruised ego is attack.

It's always unpleasant being rejected and not everyone is able to fake a calm that's perfectly find response.

KioskKeithForPresident · 12/12/2017 18:14

*a calm "that's a perfectly fine" response

Slaylormoon · 12/12/2017 19:08

Ignore the idiots who can't accept that someone might be posting about a specific gender, without needing to be the 7th person to point out oh so cleverly that DID YOU KNOW NOT ALL MEN/WOMEN ALSO-

Yeah, fuck off you lot.

I'm autistic too, I've dated and broken up with women and men, it's usually an instant reaction to hearing something they don't like and having their ego challenged.

LesisMiserable · 12/12/2017 19:50

Ironically, you're the angriest sounding poster on the thread slaylor

Slaylormoon · 12/12/2017 20:06

I didn't mention anything about people being angry.

LesisMiserable · 12/12/2017 20:14

I didn't say you did.

pollydollymolly · 12/12/2017 20:15

When a man ends a relationship with me they "ghost" me, every single time. I've never done that I've always told them and without exception received a bad response. I was particularly upset when I ended it with one guy and he gave me a
character assassination . I had been very fond of him but just wasn't in a right place for a serious relationship and ending the relationship was not an easy decision. I was surprised because he was still friendly with all of his exes except his ex wife and me, then it dawned on me that we had both ended it with him whereas he had ended it with all the others.

HappenstanceMarmite · 12/12/2017 22:22

I had that very same thought LesisMiserable 🤔😊

CharisMama · 12/12/2017 22:26

They have low self esteem and big ego and being rejected by a woman their inflated ego was settling for enrages them. They believed they ought to be able to do better than you and yet you had the temerity to end it. They were going to reserve that right.

Original poster
lottieandmia22 · 13/12/2017 12:22

Yes Polly - exactly the same in my situation. The guy in question would say 'oh no I don't stop speaking to people just because it didn't work out' but it didn't work out because he ended it on those occasions!

I was only with him 2 months and his idea of a date was dragging me around Dunelm while he looked at pillows. He would say he couldn't afford to go out anywhere but spent £££ on video games and was always out with his friends in the week.

OP posts:
falange · 13/12/2017 12:27

It's not just men. Some women get very angry too.

ReanimatedSGB · 13/12/2017 13:51

It's OK to be angry when you get dumped, but it's not OK to berate or even try to punish the person who dumped you. Everyone has the right to dump a partner who is not making them happy even if the reasons might seem trivial or 'unfair' to someone else. (If you have shared finances/live together/there are DC to consider then you need to sort these matters out but you *still get the choice to dump and do not need the other person's permission to do so).
When it comes to women dumping men, a lot of men still don't really accept that women are human and have the right to make independent decisions. The whole longstanding social structure we have around dating/sex/relationships is all about ensuring that everything is controlled by men and that women don't have any choice over which man owns them or impregnates them.
A lot of the time this stuff is sold to women as: men are a prize you must compete for, life is incomplete without a man, a man-free woman is wicked/freakish/a failure - and courtship is all about making yourself appealing so that you are chosen not choosing for yourself. That's the attitude that's behind all these men whining about the 'friendzone' and complaining that Sally in payroll chats away to John in marketing, but when they ask Sally to have coffee with them, she says no - they cannot accept the idea that Sally likes John's company but has no wish for theirs, because Sally is a woman and women don't get to choose between men.

Remember, when a man acts like this if you dump him, it's just proof of how right you were to do so, because he's a dick.

CharisMama · 13/12/2017 14:45

I agree. Im sure women get angry too sometimes but more often they feel sad and rejected. A lot of men dont properly grasp that a woman is entitled to reject them, that the relationship is over if the woman decides it is. This is so common.

CharisMama · 13/12/2017 14:48

And the cliché is that a dumped woman is a scorned woman. Im sure women feel anger when they are betrayed but men feel anger when they are rejected.
Men have no clue. Every woman i know has experienced this at least once. Ive been dumped many times (altho only ever in short relationships, the longer ones i end) and i have never behaved as though the other person had no right to end things!!

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