feel I cannot carry on and am in danger of flouncing out. Would much rather not. Help.

[zizou]

Ok,so this week has been shite, with both me and Dd2 ill, dd1 irritable at having to cancel lots of fun activities because of us being ill, and dh away every night with work things. But I am totally stressed out and we haven't even gone back to school yet.
This is what I do:
work - have demanding job but have to fit it into school hours and need more hours.
help at the schools with specific project.
do all shopping, cooking, household admin, kids' activities, playdates, relatives' birthdays, social calender,washing, pet related activities, thinking about the children's lives and where they are going and what they are doing.
have to stay in most evenings whilst he is off out with work.
Oh and I am trying to finally lose the post baby weight, 6 years on.
I want some serenity in our lives, and I also want to live at a less frenetic stressed pace, but his job won't allow it, and he says he can't give up for 2 years.
We have a cleaner 4 hours a week and I have tried to find good childcare 2 afternoons a week so that I at least feel I can get my work done properly, but I can't find anyone.
Any advice? We are talking about this tomorrow night so I would welcome some wisdom before then. Cheers.

EWell,finding someone to do the childcare you talk about would be a start.

Yes, it would, but I can't find anyone to do such few hours - two school days 3-8. After school club is shit, they just eat jam sandwiches and watch tv, don't get any help with homework, etc, so we have to do it when they are tired. Oh and it only runs till 5 o clock which is ridiculous. Have asked friends if they would like to do swaps 2 days/week but everyone round here is a yummy mummy who just jogs and plays tennis, noone seems to work. Grrrrr.

A bouncy sixth former who will play with them?
Or why not get afterschool care 5 days a week?

I am pressed for time (two small kids,dh abroad for weeks on end,demanding job,studying for MSc) and can honestly say that the charming,creative,kind and energetic childminder my dd goes to (and my sone will go to) is the best thing out.

That's interesting moondog - I don't know any bouncy sixth formers, but could research some - but how old are your kids? Mine are quite old and have complex homework/music practice etc, which I would want to be done.

You need that childcare. My aunt who lived in Hampstead at the time (which is FULL of rich women who don't work) advertised for a mother's help. That worked. Or can you not get an au pair for the time you need? Where I live there are a couple of au pairs who do those sorts of hours. Often people seem to share them. I have a young Brazilian cleaner who does part time cleaning/part time childminding. Where do you live? If in SW London I could ask around for you. Certainly sounded familiar with the yummy mummy's comment!

Hmmm maybe not au pairs with complex homework/music practice but a mother's help would do. My FIL's wife is a headmistress and says she will think about doing that in future. Anyone who got her helping out would be extremely lucky.....

PF? Really? A rentagranny? That is EXACTLY what I would like! Where in SW london is she?
This could be the answer to my dreams!

Sorry zizou but she is still a headmistress at the moment - oops got your hopes up there! I am sure a mother's help is what you need though as you would tend to get the more 'mature ladies' responding.

When does she retire?
Just read thread title, how hilariously melodramatic I sound. But it does feel like that.
Mother's Help it is then I think.

A granny type would be great.
My kids are 2 and 6 so I just want someone who is kind and fun.

Did I read the OP correctly, that you are doing some voluntary work at your childrens school? I would drop that first, tbh.

Have you thought about getting an au pair?

Oh, I just realised, you rejected that option!
Round here, many people have their children in homework clubs.

Have you tried looking here? hth.

Oh meant to say childminders are quite flexible and do pick up from school, do homework, dinner and some will work til 8pm.

work - have demanding job but have to fit it into school hours and need more hours. CAN YOU WORK LONGER HOURS TO GET THE WORK DONE? OR GET YOUR BOSS TO PRIORITISE THE TASKS?

help at the schools with specific project. DROP IT, AS SOMEONE ELSE SAID

do all shopping, DO IT ONLINE
cooking DO A LOAD IN ADVANCE AND FREEZE, GET TOGETHER SOME FAST RECIPES
household admin GET ALL BILLS ON DD. CANCEL PAPER STATEMENTS DO IT ALL ONLINE
kids' activities; MAKE THEM RESPONSIBLE IF ITS STUFF LIKE SWIMMING, GET A CALENDAR AND THEY HAVE TO REMEMBER SWIMMING STUFF, GET THEM INTO HABIT OF LOOKING AT IT EVERY DAY
playdates - DON'T DO THEM FOR A BIT UNTIL YOU HAVE STUFF UNDER CONTROL
relatives' birthdays. GO TO MOONPIG.COM AND SET UP REMINDERS FOR ALL OF THEM NOW.SEND THEM ALL THINGS FROM AMAZON, INTERFLORA OR HOTEL CHOCOLAT, WILL TAKE MINUTES TO SORT PER RELATIVE
social calender WHAT'S ONE OF THEM?
washing GET CLEANER TO DO MORE HOURS GET CHILDREN RESP FOR I,E, PUTTING CLEAN CLOTHES AWAY
pet related activities. WHAT PETS? GET RID IF THEY'RE TOO MUCH WORK OR MAKE CHILDREN TAKE RESPONSIBILITY
thinking about the children's lives and where they are going and what they are doing, CALENDAR AGAIN, CANCEL ANYTHING THEY DON'T NEED/LIKE. ARRANGE TRANSPORT SHARING WITH OTHER PARENTS.
have to stay in most evenings whilst he is off out with work. JOIN SITTERS IF YOU WANT TO BE ABLE TO GO OUT, THEY'RE FAB IME
Oh and I am trying to finally lose the post baby weight, 6 years on. JOIN MY 10YY THREAD IF YOU WANT! OR DO SITTERS AND GO TO WEIGHTWATCHERS

I want some serenity in our lives, SO YOU NEED TO DO THE ABOVE STUFF IMO

and I also want to live at a less frenetic stressed pace, DO THE ABOVE STUFF

but his job won't allow it, and he says he can't give up for 2 years. FINE IF YOU DO ABOVE

We have a cleaner 4 hours a week and I have tried to find good childcare 2 afternoons a week so that I at least feel I can get my work done properly, but I can't find anyone. YOU CANNOT WORK WITHOUT CHILDCARE. YOU NEED MORE CHILDCARE OR LESS WORK. GET A CHILDMINDER OR MOTHERS HELP

Any advice? We are talking about this tomorrow night so I would welcome some wisdom before then. Cheers.

typed in caps to make sure it stood out from your qs not to shout btw

They key really is good child care.

Six former is great. My kids love ours but they are often committed with matches etc. - check out local school

mothers help may have to live in? This would give you baby-sitting options as well

I advertised in local paper when looking for childcare.

Ask EVERYONE you know. Someone always knows someone.

all the rest as WWW says!

Sorry if I have read this wrong, but I was pretty gobsmacked because it would appear that your dh does nothing.

Is this true?

He may have a difficult/time-consuming job but so do you, and surely he can do more to help with the household management?

Agree with the others, you definitely need more childcare. Why can't you arrange this?

Sounds like you're being a bit of a martyr. Sorry if this seems harsh - but we are often our own worst enemies.

Get help and don't feel guilty about it.

Thanks for all your messages. No, I'm not a martyr. I am lazy and dreamy and want time to play the guitar and read. That's why I want some help. I don't get off on being this stressed uber mum. I don't want to be the one doing everything. As for dh,he is just very work-preoccupied and works about 90 hours a week. So he doesn't "see" the stuff that needs doing in the house. He's great with the kids though.
WWW - thank you for your suggestions. I will mull. Some I already do - online shopping for instance. Some I have been in denial about - batch cooking and freezing for instance - as that would be an admission that I am a grown woman with a job and two kids and a busy husband.Perhaps it is time to admit this at last.
The school thing started as a letter to governors about one aspect of the school, and has blown into a huge thing - again, not my intention, but should be over soon.
But it is the childcare which I really need, I think. I am about to ask all the mums again, even to pay them, as that would be the easiest thing.

Where do you live Zizou?

I am sure there would be someone around who could help.

What about grandparents? are they around?

Could you adopt a granny?

Please, please, investigate childminders for after school care. Some of them are absolutely fantastic.

Oh and: I would suggest, in the strongest terms, that your partner takes on his share of the advance cooking and freezing - and that you leave all his relatives' birthdays and so on. They are not your business.

Am in an area of sw suburban london known for its rugby stadium.Do you have a spare granny who lives there? That would be fab. Ours are too far away/too old/too busy on cruises.
Ooh MI. But really? If he forgets his 90 year old aunt's birthday,who is alone and recently bereaved, am I supposed to let that happen? That seems wrong to me. Moonpig it is, I think.
Yes I will get on to childcare.Have asked friend who lives opposite with kids same age if she could take them one day a week, I would pay her. She was flattered to be asked and is thinking about it.

you're in my neck of the woods - have you advertised through the school (do you have a sort of classified thing that comes out? we get one once a month with childcare offers, second hand toys etc.). There are lots of families with full time nannies/au pairs round here who will probably offer up their childcare for an afternoon or two a week.

I must admit, childminders are like golddust round these parts. Have you tried the council? here's their childcare search . They were actually very helpful when I spoke to them (but there were no childminders available but I'm probably slightly further out than you).

Er, yes, I would let that happen in my house because my dh is responsible for his own relatives, he's not a child!