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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Argh did something really stupid

34 replies

Secretlifeofme · 09/12/2017 17:32

So I'm bi, in an open relationship with my husband. Never yet done anything with a woman but husband is happy for me to do so and indeed I am actively looking for a woman now. Husband hae slept with 3 other women with my consent and enjoyment.

Tonight (I'm in different time zone) went to a Christmas party hosted by a colleague. Arranged in advance to sleep over.

Different colleague is bi but married. I knew this. Her husband is my head of dept. Tonight we (me and female colleague) ended up kissing passionately in 'my' bedroom at her suggestion. It was amazing and now I want more :( please talk me down!!

OP posts:
Original poster
Secretlifeofme · 09/12/2017 17:39

Ps I have always secretly fancied this colleague but never done anything as she is married

OP posts:
Houseofmirth66 · 09/12/2017 17:41

I am actively looking for a woman now? I’m not sure being bi really plays out like that. And if you are actively looking for a woman you’ve found one. So what’s the problem?

Youllneverlivelikecommonpeople · 09/12/2017 17:42

Depends - what does/would her husband think?

MillennialFalcon · 09/12/2017 17:44

Does she have the same arrangement with her husband or is she cheating? It could really complicate your career since he's your head of department.

Original poster
Secretlifeofme · 09/12/2017 17:44

That's the thing - her husband knows she is bi, but they don't have an open relationship like we do :( I know this is wrong but I just want to meet her again!

OP posts:
Original poster
Secretlifeofme · 09/12/2017 17:45

I guess she is cheating. Fuck.

OP posts:
Houseofmirth66 · 09/12/2017 17:49

You knew that when she invited herself to your room to kiss. I’m trying to imagine that sentence coming out of the mouth of someone over 15.

Original poster
Secretlifeofme · 09/12/2017 17:52

Oh dear. We were both very drunk. Nonetheless I guess I would not have done that with a man Blush fuck fuck what do I do now?

OP posts:
Gazelda · 09/12/2017 18:00

You message her, tell her it was a mistake and you'd like to go back to how things were. Forget about her.

Noextremes2017 · 09/12/2017 18:36

‘What do I do now?’

Grow up?

f83mx · 09/12/2017 19:05

Out of interest - Why wouldn't you have done it if it was a man? Is your relationship only open on your side in that you can sleep with women, not other men?

Original poster
Secretlifeofme · 10/12/2017 10:22

No, I am free to sleep with men but I have no desire to at the moment.
I have come back on to say that I was very drunk when I posted and am now Blush at the content of my posts! I think forgetting about it is the best plan and we have messaged each other to say that today.

OP posts:
wannabestressfree · 10/12/2017 10:25

Maybe stop drinking so much and putting yourself in such vulnerable positions?

Original poster
Secretlifeofme · 10/12/2017 11:14

Ironically, I never usually drink Blush maybe that's why!

OP posts:
username7979 · 10/12/2017 11:23

If the husband is not on board, this could turn very nasty. Back off now.

GriefLeavesItsMark · 10/12/2017 12:22

I have to say your drunk typing is far more accurate than mine.

Original poster
Secretlifeofme · 10/12/2017 12:44

I think I may have been sobering up by then! It was 1 . 30 am and I had stopped drinking at about 12

OP posts:
MsGameandWatching · 10/12/2017 12:46

I was reading this thread looking like 😒

And then I read this post:-

‘What do I do now?’

Grow up

Do that.

Emmageddon · 10/12/2017 13:23

Yeah Grow up and maybe cut down on the drinking?

Skarossinkplunger · 10/12/2017 14:09

I rather think the responses would have been entirely different had you not been in an open marriage and this was a married guy you had got drunk and snogged.

Either way you need to stay away. Even if she was in an open relationship too, the fact that your boss is her husband is way too much baggage.

Original poster
Secretlifeofme · 10/12/2017 14:24

But if I had not been in an open marriage I wouldn't have done it Ska Confused. She came on to me as well, not the other way round, although I didn't exactly stop her Blush

But you're right. Too much baggage.

OP posts:
Skarossinkplunger · 10/12/2017 14:48

What I meant was, if you were heterosexual, weren’t in an open marriage and you’d got a little tipsy at the works Christmas do and kisses a male colleague I don’t think the replies would have been quite so snippy.

Original poster
Secretlifeofme · 10/12/2017 15:09

Oh sorry I misunderstood you! You may be right I suppose. Anyway it doesn't matter, because much as I would love to do more with her, I won't because it would truly be appalling if anyone found out! Not to mention that it's wrong to get involved with a married person.

OP posts:
Butterymuffin · 10/12/2017 15:13

Be honest with her. Say 'Look, I really like you, and I'd be free for us to have a relationship because me and my husband are OK with that, but I don't get the impression yours is, and since he's my manager it seems a bit foolish to try and take this any further'.

LoverOfCake · 10/12/2017 15:15

If you were single and actively looking for someone to shag it still wouldn't be acceptable to kiss a married colleague while their partner was oblivious.

You're the OW, you've been complicit in a woman cheating on her husband. There is nothing to say about that other than grow the fuck up and back the hell off. In fact I'd be looking for another job if I were you.

Your open relationship is entirely irrelevant here. Nobody cares. If the other party isn't free then you're not able to be with them. The end.