I can’t loose momentum, I need to end this

[Nevergiveupdreaming]

Crappy DH
Possibly abusive or definitely in the past.
I know I need to leave after this morning but I want to wait until after Xmas.
Help me not loose momentum

Shameless bump but I can’t bring myself to do it!
If any of you are bored enough read my old posts by tryingmybestforthem.
I can’t tell anyone In real life yet as I know they will all think “here we go again” and so will all of you after reading that.

Op, maybe it would be better if you did tell people the truth. You're going to need support irl. Maybe admitting it out loud and seeing their reaction will give you the resolve you need to leave him for good.

But then there is no going back .....
I know I’m pathetic

Your current rental is in your name?

I would pack his stuff and put them outside. Have your locks changed. Get your kids some place safe and out of the way. Then message him explaining he can pick up his stuff and go to his own flat asap. He is no longer welcome in your home.

If he does kick off, the kids wont be present and you can call the police. You could even call them beforehand so that they are aware that they might be needed quickly.

The longer you wait, the harder it will be for you.

No going back sounds like the best way to be.

Just tell him this needs to end and that you are not happy. You don't need to say a thing else. Just that you cannot justify being miserable in the relationship anymore. He needs to leave. Don't tell him about your rental option!
Don't say "you're x, y,z" because he will just make excuses or turn it back to you. If you just say you feel unhappy and want out he cannot disagree.

I’ve just text him, I feel like I’m going to throw up.

Stay strong. Remember why you are doing this. We are all here to hand hold

You don't need this shitty half life and neither do your kids. Tell him to go.

You don't need to explain, just tell him it is over. And tell friends and family. Once it is out in the open it is easier.

You can do this. You and your children deserve better than him. He sounds awful, he really does. Easy for people on the outside looking in but the fact your current house is in your name and he has a flat where he can bugger off to, means he could be out the door and you and your children could have a peaceful, lovely Christmas. Stay strong, you can do this

Sounds like your parents and at least one friend have a very good idea of what's going on, so be open with them, ask for their support.
A step into the unknown can be scary but 'hanging on for the children' is obviously not for the best. Think how brave your eldest 2 are if they have told you their Dad scares them. Give them a really good Christmas present - a calm and safe home. Then they can re-build their relationship with their Dad from a safe position.

You can do this for them

Well done. Stay strong and believe in yourself and your decisions

Thanks everyone, your support means a lot.
I viewed the house and I really want it, it would be perfect for us. I’m just waiting for a call from the agent as to whether they will accept me. Finger crossed
I feel so sick, I can’t concentrate at work.

Fingers crossed for you the agents get back to you soon.

You and your dc’s deserve a happy life.

Be strong, it will all be worth it in the end. My dad was a controlling man, He has mellowed with age but seeing him beat my mum up along with being abusive meant I was on anti depressants from the age of 10 - 12 yrs old - please do not let this happen to your dc’s.

Your parents and friend will give you lots of support by sounds of it.

Be strong xx

You can do this op.

Did they call you?

No, I called them and their computer system was down so hadn’t been able to contact landlord. I’m trying really hard not to get my hopes up, I’ve stupidly focused on this as the answer to this horrible situation.
I told my colleagues today, they have been supportive.
I told my mum, she was not so supportive. She said that I will go back, this always happens, I need to just accept him as he is. The dc are hard work, it’s no wonder he struggles with them
I told her about the house, she told me they won’t let it to me as who wants a tenant with 4 kids and a dog.

I feel really low now. I want more for my dc and myself than this.

Ugh who wants to listen to a naysayer?

Dont worry, I'm sure it will be fine. And even if you dont get this one there will always be another. You know what's best for you and your kids.

I didn’t get the house, so upset, it would have been perfect.

Sorry to hear that. There will be another!

I’m loosing momentum
I can’t do this it’s too hard, I’m just about holding it together at work.
He hasn’t left or isn’t showing any signs of leaving
I can’t find another house that will accept 4 Children and a dog, I’ve tried on and off for 2 years!
I’m so tired, I can’t do this anymore. It is just easier to try and work it out again. I’m exhausted

Then you have to give away the dog or some of the children. I'd go with losing the dog.

Are you now going to tell me that the dog is a part of your family and the children would be distraught if the dog went and so you have no choice but to stay in an abusive relationship and subject the children to it too?

You can do it. You can be free but there will be some shit bits along the way.

Alternatively, make him leave. The house is rented in your name. He has another flat already. You can make him leave. You can get the locks changed. You can call the police if he won't go or comes back. Yes, you want to move, this place has bad memories, but you could make him go now, this evening, and then look for a new place in a more relaxed atmosphere.

Maybe this is just a shit bit.
DH isn’t being good or terrible, he’s just kind of ignoring me.
I don’t think I will find another house, I have thought about trying to make this one work better for us but there is no way I can give my 11yr old dd her much needed own space.
Yes I could re-home our dog but I have told the agents that and I still can’t find a property, I’m not on benefits, I work! It’s just so frustrating. I’ve been in this home 5 years and have never been late with a payment, have caused no problems and have actually improved it. I just want to make a better life for my dc and it feels like everyone’s putting obstacles in my way. I’m starting university in September so need to get settled before then.

So get him out. That's the easiest solution. Say to him you can't get somewhere because of the kids and dog but obviously you won't be leaving them and there's no way you will be with him so why would he stick around? You need to make it fundamentally clear to him you won't just give up. He needs to know this is final and that really he should just go.

I think you're making things more unnecessarily difficult for yourself.
He already has somewhere else he can move to so all you need to do is tell him he's out and make sure you change the locks so he can't sneak back in.

Once he's out of your hair (and home) you will be able to breathe and relax - and i've no doubt that all your future plans will start falling into place.