Wanting to know if £14000 is ok for me to live off as a single mum

[Leavingabuse]

Hello, i hope i have posted in the right place. Have n/c for this.
I have been planning on leaving dp foryears now. Lots of emotional abuse, gaslighting, financial control which took me a while to work out to see it for what it was thanks to women's aid. I got with him to escape my own abusive family so was a recipe for disaster to begin with but i trusted him with my life. Became a sahm and never really kicked off my career. Anyway after plucking up the courage i applied for a job and got it yay! it's a term time job but i only earn £14000. I'm wondering will this be enough to survive as a single mother or should i work myself up abit and then leave? Or change to a full year job. Problem is childcare have noone to help and dh refuses to take time off even though his job is flexible and he earns loads. Part of the way he tries to control me and keep me at home. Ihave some savings but rather not touch them if i can help it. I'm not expecting dp to contribute and don't want to coparent for obv reasons. I'm not in any physical danger but i'm just so tired and this job has given me the confidence to know anything is possible if i ignore his put downs and if i put my mind to it. It's taken me a long time to get to this place. Any advice welcome.

Please go and see a solicitor, and see what they say.
If your married and have equity in the house, your entitled to some of it. regardless of working as a SAHM is seen as a job.

Someone said it wouldnt be possible to pay school fees and i accept it so please lets not make it about this. I'm not some spoilt person. My dp earns the money but that doesn't mean i have money and want to keep up some lavish lifestyle. I drive an old car and wear my clothes til they rip. DD being at a private school is the only luxury thing in our life and only mentioned it cos dp keeps saying itll be my fault if i leave and he stops paying fees (it was my idea she went there in the first place but can live without it if it means being away from him) just didn't want her to resent me

Thanks mummy2017 no not married unfortunately. I will get onto the solicitor thing and contact CAB again cos they told me last time i could use a free half hour but couldn't find the right tkmw to do this

It's possible, it's always possible.

If your income is too low, you will be able to get benefits to top it up.

However, £16k is the cut off for housing benefit. Savings up to £6k won't affect your benefits. Between £6k and £16k they taper it off. You should still be able to get tax credits with that amount of savings (I think! Better double check!), but beware If you're in an area that has changed to, or is about to change to, Universal Credit, they will take your savings into consideration for EVERYTHING. The same: under £6k OK, £6-16k reduced depending on how much you have, over £16k nothing. Just another example of how fucking, fucking evil UC is.

Don't be an areshole LuluJakey1

The OP is trying to get out of an abusive relationship and came on here for help.

First of all, well done for getting ready to break away from an abusive partner. It's not easy to do but I don't think you should be "more patient" and wait for your daughter to grow up--she shouldn't have to grow up in a household with an abuser. So you are doing the right thing by leaving.

Are you married to your partner? You might get some useful advice from a solicitor about next steps if you need to divorce. Do you jointly own your house? You may have rights to it even if you are not on the mortgage, try a free consultation from a solicitor.

Can you find a place to rent privately?

Oops sorry I just saw subsequent posts. Definitely speak with solicitors for the free consultations, you may have a claim on the house you currently live in.

I live in a deprived area up north. I would stick to a similar area for the sake of low rent. I'm pretty sure UC is the thing here. I need to research but i find everything so overwhelming that i just give up and put my laptop away put off things again

Of course you can and should leave. See a solicitor if you are married, use your savings to put down a deposit on a private rented property. Look into a bursary at your daughter's school but prepare yourself for moving her to state school and choose your new home with a decent catchment in mind. Budget budget budget and see how you go, but you will have to use your savings to plug any gaps until you fall below the threshold where they affect your eligibility for benefits. For now you have a job and cash in hand to go, so go! Everything else will be adjustable and work itself out.

Just want someone to just explain everyrhing to me so i guess i should just go CAB once and for all

Any savings above 6K will be taken into account in terms of benefits.
Each £250 above that reduces your benefits.
It would be good if your ex to be could pay dd's school fees in lieu of maintenance / you could negotiate a bursary but you will have to look into that - it sounds like he'd rather punish you than put his dd's needs first.
A good CAB person is like gold dust. Took me 4 years to find one.
GOOD LUCK!xxx

@donners312 is it really 12% no wonder x is using CMS to his advantage!

Basseting savings don't count for tax credits, they do for HB and UC.

You need to go to CAB about benefits and a solicitor about his responsibilities.

Then you need to research housing costs, taxes etc and make a budget.

We can’t advise you without knowing a huge amount of info. You would be unwise to speculate or to act on any advice you are given here without finding out the realities first.

First steps are the hardest. Well done for taking some time to ask the question - it can be overwhelming trying to get out of an abusive relationship, especially when you are financially dependent on him.

I would recommend speaking to CAB and Women's Aid. Even though you're not 'in danger' they can advise you accordingly to your specific circumstances.

From what you've said, I think the risk of DD leaving private school is linked to you leaving your DP. Do you think it's worth a private education to grow up in an abusive household? Education is important, bit not over a loving, safe environment for a child to grow up in. Plenty of people aren't privately educated and do well in life.

Yes you could with a modest mortgage or rent. You’ll get help with childcare (up 70% of the costs), and working tax credits. Plus any maintenance you may get if your ex. It’ll be tight but you’ll be able to put a roof over your head and food on the table

If it's a very deprived area, ie with cheap housing, is that £16k enough for a deposit to buy a house?(sorry if that sounds ignorant; I'm so far away from being able to buy a house that I don't know that much about it).

Seeing as you wouldn't be able to get any help towards your rent because of it, anyway, you might as well try and buy if you can.

This is another nasty little thing about Universal Credit;- it immediately occurred to me how it would hit just about managing families trying to get on the housing ladder. I wonder how many people are planning not to claim and struggle on, because their savings towards a house deposit are too important to them?

Congratulations on getting the job. If you are looking to save on child care, then a term-time job is a great break. You should take the job: it will build your confidence, help you squirrel away more money and, a bit further down the line, when your daughter is older, it will help you get the next job, which will pay you more.

You don't say if you're married, and I really don't know whether that makes a difference in terms of what you can claim - but you may be able to get a share of equity in the house, financial support for yourself and daughter, an agreement that your husband pays school fees until the end of prep school as part of the financial settlement. See a solicitor and find this stuff out.

The school might offer a bursary to help/cover fees if family breakdown
is the reason and they want to help support a pupil's welfare. Make some discreet inquiries and emphasise the need for confidentiality.

Go to a CAB and find out what you might be entitled to in terms of benefits.

Find out what rent will cost and how much you will be expected to put up front. Draw up a budget.

You see the common thread here, don't you? Do your research and make a plan. Don't base your decisions on an anonymous forum.

Good luck. You've done really well so far, keep at it. PLAN!!

Go to women's aid, they can help you. Don't forget abuse covers a whole range of behaviours so just because you might think your safer or not as bad off as others that doesn't mean you don't deserve help

They can also advise and refer you to other places where you can get the type of advice your needing cab, shelter etc but because you can tell them your full circumstances (in a way you can't on here obvious) the advice will be targeted to your circumstances.

You cannot afford private school the s hook will give a bursary etc but that doesn't mean you should stay in an abusive marriage. It also doesn't mean you should leave your daughter worth a man who abused her mother.

How far in advance is school paid?
ID use savings to get a private rent - you'll struggle with social.I'll Is your name on the property? If so def no social housing property.

Your daughter will be far more damaged growing up in an abusive household than moving schools

It is really hard and overwhelming but you are taking important steps--it will be so much better for you and your daughter to escape.

Have you asked Women's Aid about advice on any of the practical next steps? They might be able to help talk you through it.

Would you be able to think more clearly and move forward more easily if you were living in your own space away from your partner?

Take a look at school catchment areas around your new workplace. You'll want to keep your commute costs down if possible. Then look for rentals in those catchment areas. You have your savings to use for deposits, moving costs.

You will need to seek expert advice but from what I recall, with16k of savings you won't get benefits at all (except the £20 a week child benefit).
Assume you won't get any benefits and plan accordingly.

Up north, you can survive on a grand a month if you cut your cloth accordingly and can rent somewhere cheap. Your car will have to go and you'll have to keep a close eye on bills but it is possible especially as your savings can buy capital items such as furniture and cover emergencies.

It won't be easy, but others do it. And the only way is up. Having a good degree and as your child ages you will have more scope to improve your lives in the future.

Good luck.

Leaving give the CAB a ring www.citizensadvice.org.uk/ they're help is free and they are usually really good at being able to tell you what your entitled to,where you can get help and they'll even help with filling out forms and making phone calls if you need them to.

Give them a ring and make an appointment to go and see them and don't let anyone else know(so your partner doesn't find out)when you go to the appointment I'd suggest taking a list of questions you want to ask(it's easy to forget some of the important things you need help with when the appointment comes around)take some ID with you and any proof you have of what your Partner is earning and tell them that you are leaving him and why and speak to them about your DD's school as well and about help with housing.

With him threatening to pretend he has no money coming in have you got any proof of that?Has he ever left you a voicemail or a text or a note with those threats?If he has collect them all up and keep them safe,somewhere he'd never find them because those can be used as proof if he trys to con you out of maintenance that you'd be entitled to.

You can do this and though it may be hard at first you will be so much better of emotionally and mentally and no matter how much you think that your DD doesn't know what's going on believe me they do pick up on these things.

I've been through it myself and my life and the lifes of my DC changed for the better almost instantly when I left my abusive ex Husband.

It depends on lots.

How much is your rent?
Are you running a car?
Do you have to pay for childcare?
Will you expect the same standard of living?

If you expect to be able to pay for private schooling, holidays abroad and a champagne with dinner probably not. If your housing is in a reasonably affordable area, you have no childcare cost and are happy to call a bowl of soup dinner some nights, you’ll be fine.

It depends obviously on where you live and how many children you have and what age they are etc but I would think it would be unlikely for you to manage on that without maintenance/divorce settlement/benefits.