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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

So much going on, will I cope?

36 replies

Humptyhump1 · 04/12/2017 00:19

So tonight, I've had a glass of red wine thrown in my face. Screamed at, told I'm useless etc etc.

I'm exhausted, I'm at rock bottom, I want out.

There is red wine all the over the walls, which he will go mad at. Even though he did it, it'll be my fault.

So much history, so much nastiness, so much hate of me.

I feel so dreadful.

Not sure what I expect you to say or do.

OP posts:
pog100 · 04/12/2017 00:22

You want out, you absolutely need out, you cannot live like this. What can we do to help. There is advice to suit every situation here. Have a hug though, you sound like you need it.

LineysRunner · 04/12/2017 00:23

It's ok.

You want out.

I agree that's the best plan. So how do we help you? The rest of your life starts today, ok?

QuiteLikely5 · 04/12/2017 00:25

How long have you been together?

Are there children?

Do you live in rented or own property?

Do you work?

Do you have family nearby?

Original poster
Humptyhump1 · 04/12/2017 00:27

Thank you.

He's been so mentally abusive I can't tell you.

I just feel "done in"

He has single handedly made me a complete shell of who I was.

I hate myself both mentally and physically.

I'm fat, ugly as he tells me. I feel totally worthless.

OP posts:
LineysRunner · 04/12/2017 00:28

Well, you're none of those things. You've posted on here which makes you very savvy.

Original poster
Humptyhump1 · 04/12/2017 00:28

Married 30 odd years, grown up sons, own property.

But I've no strength left.

OP posts:
LineysRunner · 04/12/2017 00:29

Well help you find it.

pog100 · 04/12/2017 00:30

You may feel that but you have enough distance to see this for what it is. Keep hold of that, use it, make your plans and split. You must escape. You honestly can enjoy your life, but without him. Good luck

LineysRunner · 04/12/2017 00:30

Lots of us have been there. It's hard, but it's very survivable. Making the plan is liberating in itself.

Original poster
Humptyhump1 · 04/12/2017 00:31

Thank you.

The thing is if I suggest splitting he cry's, begs etc.

Why won't he just let me go? He clearly hates me but wants me to stay.

OP posts:
QuiteLikely5 · 04/12/2017 00:33

He sounds like a vile disgusting excuse of a man.

You can definitely leave him; definitely be happy; be free from abuse.

You could see a lawyer.

Don’t spend the rest of your days with him

Original poster
Humptyhump1 · 04/12/2017 00:34

It's like I don't want you, he appears to hate me.

But he won't let me go?

Why is that?

OP posts:
LineysRunner · 04/12/2017 00:36

Because his dysfunctional relationship with you props up his fragile ego.

LadyB49 · 04/12/2017 00:36

He may cry and beg..... But obviously doesnt mean any of it.

Ate you going to be treated like this for the rest of your life.
Think about that.

LineysRunner · 04/12/2017 00:38

And that is his problem. HIS.

It honestly isn't your life's work to pander to this crap.

ferrier · 04/12/2017 00:38

Are you married? Is the house yours alone?

If he can't do the basics of treating you with respect then ignore the tears and any other emotional blackmail. Just get on with getting him out of your life.

Original poster
Humptyhump1 · 04/12/2017 00:38

I would like to leave tomorrow and fast forward a year.

It's awful

OP posts:
LineysRunner · 04/12/2017 00:42

Put that future place in your head. That's yours. That's where you're heading.

He does not need to know that yet.

Original poster
Humptyhump1 · 04/12/2017 00:46

I just do not understand him. Clearly hates me both physically and mentally.

But doesn't want me to leave? Why is that?

Honestly he hates me, verbally so bloody nasty to me. But I say I'm going and he doesn't want that either.

OP posts:
LineysRunner · 04/12/2017 00:51

Look, I'll be blunt. Your prescence in his life, and his antipathy towards you, fills a void in his head.

Because his head is fucked.

That's it, basically.

Original poster
Humptyhump1 · 04/12/2017 00:55

That's blunt, but bloody hell its true!

OP posts:
LineysRunner · 04/12/2017 00:58

Detaching from him will be the best thing you ever do for yourself. Honestly. Grab that ball and bloody run with it.

I am cheering you on from the touchline of life.

ferrier · 04/12/2017 00:58

He likes exerting that control over you.

Original poster
Humptyhump1 · 04/12/2017 01:03

I've given him every bloody opportunity to end this. He sometimes says he will and he won't make life difficult for me and then he bloody changes.

I am beyond exhausted!

OP posts:
ferrier · 04/12/2017 01:19

But he doesn't want to end it. He wants to keep you dancing to his tune.

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