Doesn't want sex ?

[raggycarrot]

My DH and I have been having a rough patch but I was led to believe things were getting better. He’s always been a bit lacking in sex drive but I recently found out that wasn’t true and instead he’s been looking at porn regularly and masturbating. I’ve been hurt as we live a fairly sexless marriage of 3-4 times a year.

Anyway I asked him to give up the porn and masturbation to see if he had more a sex drive or desire for me. He said he did but it’s clear he hasn’t. He’s still doing this several times a week. But It’s been about two months since he touched me.

I’m starting to wonder if he’s having an affair, or if there could be another explanation. He says he isn’t in the mood for sex and that masturbation and sex are not the same thing.

I don’t think I can live like this forever. Is it controlling of me to be asking him to stop the porn/masturbation?

He might peck me on the lips but he doesn’t even kiss me. He holds my hand but that’s about it. He says he has “intimacy” problems but although we never had huge amounts of sex, we did used to at least have some.

I’m fed up of crying about this and I don’t know what to do.

And I know what ‘intimacy issues’ means. I have difficulty with intimacy too (though I make an effort). For me I find it frightening to be vulnerable enough with someone else in the ways necessary to building intimacy. I know this is my problem though, I make a big effort to push myself outside my comfort zone for people that I care about and I would never just withdraw and avoid like he is. People would find it hard to understand just how difficult I find intimacy (of all kinds) because I put so much work into not letting my anxiety stop me from building intimacy.