Husband always criticising my hometown

[Jaded85]

Wierd post alert! So frustrated. I've always know that my DH had a derogatory opinion of my hometown. He made no secret of this before we married but only made a few fleeting comments that I gave no deep thought to. Once we were married I realised that these thoughts were heavily influenced by my mother-in-law. She claimed repeatedly in her generalisations, all people from my hometown were crooks, sharp and cunning. I found these very bizarre comments and again tried my best to ignore them. However over the one and half years we've been married, my husband has gone as far as saying certain member of my family are the way they are because of our hometown. My family are all working professionals who live comfortably in a reputable area. This has started to irk me now, as I find it strange that a highly educated man can make comments like this. I've tried to challenge him and his argument is so weak but he still thinks it's ok to insult members of my family, who have done nothing but be pleasent to him, purely because of where they live. Most recently he said my young teenage niece was sharp and manipulative because of where she lived. She is such a pleasent high achieving young girl. I'm utterly baffled.

Tell him that his constant stupid generalisations about bradford are very tedious and really starting to piss you off. Theyre not clever, observant or funny and you want it to stop

I get comments about my hometown too and tbh I dont really get it. Its a perfectly normal town with good points and bad points, like anywhere. I really dont feel in on the joke

He needs to know his own mind and not regurgitate everything mummy says. I would try and express that you find it hurtful.

I am from Bradford originally too (Low Moor). Where is he/MiL from? I bet it's Leeds.

Every time he mentions it, reply with something along the lines of 'well at least it's not as bad as [insert his hometown] because everybody knows that everybody from there is [insert something that he will find insulting and hurtful, particularly if it is true about his mother]'

And then sit back and see how he reacts when he is subjected to the same treatment...

Sounds like a bit of a superiority thing - are they from a town that thinks it’s ‘superior’ to Bradford? I would also find it hurtful and wearing OP

Jaded85

I’m in Halifax, so just around the corner from you! I have the same with my partner, he is from Plymouth originally although has lived up north for a good 10yrs, he always has digs at Yorkshire folk and says nasty things about people up here, it is really annoying and I personally find it quite offensive as this is where I have grown up, our son is a Yorkshire lad, born and bred and always will be. It does feel like a passive aggressive personal attack. I just say to him ‘you know what, why don’t you fuck off back down south then?!’

What a spineless fraction of a man.

First your city, next it will be your education, then your looks, then the way you speak, then your education or lack of. Where will his nasty judgements of you stop?

You already sound very deflated and it must really be knocking you already.

Tell him not to do it, in very strong terms. Do not let him bully you in this way. If he persists, despite knowing you object strongly, LTB.

🙄

Is his family from a town that is near to Bradford but posher than Bradford?

I’m from a large town near Liverpool and there is this pattern in all the suburban surrounds of Liverpool where people as teenagers are desperate to prove they are screffy so they can feel hard (despite not being). Teens from lydiate, formby etc hang out in places like netherton to prove they are hard then they move away as adults and get ribbed about nicking stuff as adults and suddenly it becomes VERY important either that they grew up in lovely lydiate OR they continue being desperate to prove they are WC...

Some people from poor wards in Bootle, for example, move to lydiate, formby, southport and Crosby etc when they are older and wealthier and proceed to hand wring about council houses being built to house screffs from scotty road or in southport’s case there is a MASSIVE paranoia about the ‘bootle mafia’ and taking southport back into Lancashire.

Anyway, my point is really that it is really common (but really stupid) for people to engage in different kinds of one upmanship based on class anxieties related to local geography....

It’s deeply embarrassing and pathetic, for him and his mother, that they are doing so as adults though.

He's from Cleethorpes

Sorry OP but that made me laugh out loud

I have told him how hurtful and spiteful he is but he continues to persist. He does have a superiority complex and thinks he has travelled and therefore wiser. I didn't see this side of him before marriage

Ilovetolurk

I know...the irony

Ha ha! Cleethorpes? It’s a bit of a shit hole!!!

Generally poorer and less educated. Very white though, wonder if that’s behind the issue re Bradford?

He doesn't have anything decent to say about his own hometown. He claims that he moved away in his twenties and became the person he is. I just hate the constant jibes. First they were general and now very personal

I know this isn't the point but I visited Bradford and Halifax recently and loved them and W Yorkshire. Amazing historical industrial buildings, beautiful surrounding countryside and friendly people.

I'm not from the UK and am always perplexed by this snobbery over where people are from, especially with northern towns. It's snobby and insecure and just dull to listen to - and must be especially so within a relationship.

Cleethorpes? Bloody hell!

"thinks he has travelled and therefore wiser"

I've travelled to 30 countries and lived in five and am settling in my DH's northern "shit town". Travelling has taught me that there is good and bad everywhere and the deciding factor as to your happiness and success is your attitude. I'm not British and despise the snobby attitudes to people and places that you find here.

Be blunt - rude if you have to and tell him you’re beginning to lose respect and love for him because of his constant bullying of you and his nasty comments about your family. Keep saying it every time he starts - don’t defend Bradford, don’t start slagging off Cleethorpes, just say that and then walk off until he gets the message that you don’t want to even discuss it.
He’s being a bully and needs shutting down hard.

And if he became the person he is by moving away from Cleethorpes maybe he should move back there and become someone better!

CLEETHORPES?

Haaaaaaaaaa
aaaaaaaaaa
aaaa

I was fully expecting him to be from Leeds. I'm from Leeds and i fully admit to ragging on Bradford sometimes, but it's a neighbour thing honest.

I think my future response to any of his jobes would be 'and you are from Cleethorpes', and leave it at that.

Where has he travelled to? Buckingham fecking palace?

Lol.... Cleethorpes... ha ha ha....

This isn't about a particular town, it's much bigger than that. It's about how he views you, how he treats you and how he wants to make you feel. This isn't the behaviour of a loving husband or a nice person.

I have to agree with Amatree
I'd tell him that if this crap doesn't stop you won't be sticking around to stay married to him.
You didn't sign up for this and you are NOT prepared to listen to it a moment longer.
Then follow through if it carries on.
You cannot live like this.
Really.
And Cleethorpes!!!
You have SOOOOOOO gotta love the irony!
Showing him this thread might help?????

I remember my Father in law telling my now DH go bugger off and go and live with his "Scouse Floozy!" ..... 17 years and 3 kids later he is still with his floozy !!!