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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Boyfriend comments on my eating- is this ok?

60 replies

Red281 · 27/11/2017 17:06

I'm 31 5'5 and around 150lbs size 12 (upper end of a healthy BMI).
I have to admit my weight has fluctuated over the time we have been together (4 years) I would say I am probably a stone heavier than when I first met him, so not vast amounts!
Last night I popped over to his and he asked me to pick up some chocolate on the way amongst a few other things. When I settled down on the couch after dinner later that evening with the chocolate he made a 'jokey' comment about me eating them. I quipped back saying I will eat what I like and besides he was the one that asked me to buy them anyway. He then asked if I had been to the gym recently! Being a normal girl with lower than normal self esteem this did sting a little. I asked him if he was insinuating anything and he said no but it's important to eat well and go to the gym for 'health reasons'.
He is a big eater but gyms a lot so maintains his weight well and he does take care of himself. I go through peaks and troughs of dieting and not- as many of us tend to do!
He didn't specifically comment on my weight but I got upset and now I'm feeling paranoid. He said he couldn't understand where I was coming from, as all he said was that it's important to eat well and exercise regularly. AIBU? Is he?

OP posts:
Handsfull13 · 28/11/2017 13:25

My partner makes comments about me being healthy but it's only when I bring it up. He knows it's not a subject I want to discuss. I've fluctuated in size from a 10 up to almost 18 but he's fine with it as long as I'm happy.
I would call your bf out on it next time and just tell him bluntly you don't like what he is insinuating so can he please not mention weight, food or the gym unless you bring it up. He can talk about himself and those things but not you.
If he continues to make those little dogs afterwards then a bigger chat will be needed

Isetan · 28/11/2017 16:46

Are people really saying that a partner can not mention their weight, even if it's impacting on their partner's health or their attraction to their partner?

ZigZagandDustin · 28/11/2017 17:11

Isetan, that's pretty much it I guess.

IJoinedJustToPostThis · 28/11/2017 17:21

He didn't comment on OP's weight (she's 5' 5 and a size 12, so not exactly massive). He asked her to buy chocolate then criticised her for eating it. I cba with that.

TammySwansonTwo · 28/11/2017 18:23

If anyone gets together with someone and assumes their weight will not fluctuate with some degree / their appearance will change / their activity levels will remain the same, that person is being unrealistic and that relationship is unlikely to last.

I'm completely sick of the health card being played - funny how no one was concerned about my health when I was a size 6 and starving myself (all I got were compliments about having lost weight), but hit a completely normal and healthy size 12-14 and suddenly everyone is gravely concerned.

Perhaps feign concern in his obsession with exercise. Also, eating shit and then working out heavily aren't great for your health either - not sure why no one is mentioning that?

He's not concerned about her health FFS. She's a size 12. He's a shallow prick.

Be3Al2Si6O18 · 28/11/2017 19:22

I am going against the (whole) grain here.

A bit more information would indicate the context of the conversation. But, at face value (which is all we have by the way), it was at worst a dig. So what. If I didn't get digged by DW and DC's I would be half the person I am.

Maybe he loves you enough to have chocolate AND exercise AND good health AND not have to justify anything including your dress size. Nothing in your post suggests anything nasty the way I read it.

Of course I could have read it a different way. But I read it the way I did.

haveacupoftea · 28/11/2017 19:34

Tell him to piss off. Then have a massive bar of dairy milk.

Goldenbear · 29/11/2017 00:39

It was definitely a dig and it seems worse that he asked you to get chocolate for him. My husband comments on my eating habits but it's always concern over whether I have eaten. I am unsure if that's ok either though as I think sometimes there is genuine concern as I am prone to dizziness, other times I think he's making an equation about my lack of food and moodiness. He's never ever commented on me eating too much or the wrong things but he knows I'd be very hurt if he did.

Disquieted1 · 29/11/2017 01:11

These guys who go to the gym and 'look after themselves' are the worst. They are just the biggest, vain, most insufferable bores. Avoid.

Pick a bloke who's comfortable in his own skin and couldn't give two hoots about a six pack unless it's made of beer.

mummwest · 29/11/2017 09:35

Tammyswanson, in my experience people comment all the time on weight loss and tell a person to be careful not to go too far with it, even though they could probably still lose more.
I've also never seen a thread on here where someone worried that someone had lost a lot of weight where the vast majority of posters didn't respond to ask the person if they were ok!

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