My ex still loves me but says we can't be together

[averagegirlbadfringe]

I'm 20 weeks pregnant, split with my boyfriend before I knew I was pregnant (we split because his family gave him an ultimatum- me or them), when he found out I was pregnant said he didn't want to be involved with the baby and that was that. we had no contact for a number of weeks. Then a couple of weeks ago he got back in touch, said he'd changed his mind, he'd like to be involved. Great.

He came round to talk, we ended up saying how much we still love each other, slept together, and before I knew it he was staying over at my house every other night. But then he said to me he doesn't know if he wants to be with me.

He doesn't care for the single life, he says, loves being with me again, it makes him so happy, to think of us all as a little family, but he doesn't think we can be together.

I know that his family dislike me a lot. Is it to do with that, or is he just wanting a shag so he's come back? Though it hasn't been all about the sex at all, though it's been lovely and great we've done other nice things like go out to nice places Christmas shopping, going out for food, often we wouldn't even sleep together we'd just do something boring like sit and watch a film. I'm so confused

I told him I can't do it anymore (the acting like a couple again when he's not even sure he wants to be with me and it was really messing me up and he sent me this message (below)

Obviously nothing changes in terms of him wanting to have contact with our baby whatever he decides but it just hurts a lot and it's so confusing. Sorry if I sound like a total foolish idiot I just want some advice on what other people think this is all about

What exactly are you and your families political views that his family don't like?

Agree no one is lecturing the OP, but financial stability and support come and go and I was only advising the op not to make her life more vulnerable than it currently is. She can take the high road and call me shitty, but I could also say two "unplanned" pregnancies in your early student twenties is one more than a shock mistake.

I thought I was financially stable and in a good relationship when I had my DS twelve and a half years ago. I was in my thirties and a director. Three years ago my partner walked out, due to stress of a heavy workload and responsibilities I had to leave my job, claim benefits, find another job and also down size life for myself , my career and my DS.

When there's Sickness it's sometimes time off x2 (or three in the OPs case), add to that the feeling of stress around the working day, career travel, school events, random days off and holiday not stretching to cover school ones.

She hasn't even embarked on a full career yet, by the sounds of it she's still studying. So these problems are all in the future and just could exacerbate that's all.

It doesn't sound like he's going to step up. And like a lot of men, more mature than the OPs ex they can walk away. It's not right, but they can, and they do. How will he pay maintenance now without his families support? What if he decides to go travelling after Uni? Will you be chasing maintenance around the world - it's hard enough in the same or neighbouring country, believe me.

Offred is right - just concentrate on your life plan and the baby and dc. It's ultimatum time for him - how will he step up and be a father? That's the important thing, not the relationship.

Your "boyfriend" is young

You are young

Neither of you are financially independent or set up to be a family

Add to that you have a child and now you are pregnant again

I don't want to be harsh but I can see why they are not a bit keen. And that's without whatever these controversial political views are?!

This guy is clearly not mature enough for any of this as has more heed of his parents than the fact he has a baby on the way. The baby is not real to him . Rightly or wrongly he is way too young for this and is not going to support you or allow you to live as a little family. These are wild dreams of yours and you are going to have to let them go.

What does your own family say about him treating you like this?

And FGS Stop sleeping with him.

Another thing to throw into the mix is his parents readiness to be grandparents. They don't get a say in this and I don't expect anyone's heart to bleed for them, but their reluctance to embrace the situation might not be as horrible and cold as it might appear to the op.

They could very easily be my age, and at my stage of life. If I were to become a grandparent now, I wouldn't be able to be the nana most people might hope for. I could help a bit with childcare in the evenings for example, but I need to work full-time to keep a roof over my head. I would also have to give up a lot to support the parents of my grandchild as much as I'd like, before I've had the chance to enjoy fully the freedom that middle age brings once your children have grown.

As I said, I'm not expecting sympathy for them; I'm just trying to be realistic.