Is there a word for people...

[Leo07]

Quick background... Yesterday I had a word with dp about how I find him so 'standoff'ish' with me all the time, he can't take a joke and constantly sees me as some kind of threat. I put this down to emotionally immature.

Fast forward to 10 minutes ago, dog ran to the letterbox to snatch the post, I picked the post up in time and then dog snapped to the post in my hand but caught my hand... "Dog's name, NO!" DP said "what's happened?" I said "dog's name bit me by accident" his reply was "bite the fucker back then" I said "what are you talking about?"(as in like dont be mad!) His reply was "I'm only joking, now who can't take a joke?" (Referring to our conversation yesterday about him not being able to take a joke) I looked at him and said "don't try that one with me!" He said it was a joke fuck off and stormed out.

Basically I understand in some abusive relationships people say awful things and then mask it and wiggle out of it with "I'm only joking". He has been abusive in the past I must add.

I'm genuinely fuming. How dare he talk about my furbaby like this!! We've been together almost 2 years just to add. I know he's wrong but how do I handle this? He will use the I'm only joking to mask this, he can pull the other one. Is there a name for this type of tactic? I see it as manipulation.

Um...it sounds like an obvious joke to me
Sorry

It sounds like you’re tryinh to make something bigger out of absolutely nothing

What do you tell him that you think is funny and clearly isn't? Because maybe your 'jokes' are as inappropriate/hurtful as his was, just that you have a different definition of inappropriate/hurtful. Maybe he was making a point?

Because he has been abusive in the past I'm going to possibly take things wrong. Fair enough if it was a joke but I didn't find it funny

It does sound like your trying to make this in to a big thing when it’s realky not.

Maybe your jokes are as bad as his? Saying bite the dog back then was clearly a joke and you know it you just want something to over react about

No he wasn't making a point. Maybe I'm very overprotective of my dog, which is fair enough. Still... I don't appre being told to fuck off.

Appreciate#

You don’t need anyone’s permission or to have an acceptable excuse to leave you know.

I know he's wrong but how do I handle this?

How about you stop trying to flog a dead horse?

So he's been abusive, you're fuming at him, he told you to fuck off, he thinks your 'furbaby' is a revolting, spoiled, snappy little shit (I'm guessing) - seriously, why not just call it off and go and do something more enjoyable with your life?

“ I had a word with dp about how I find him so 'standoff'ish' with me all the time, he can't take a joke and constantly sees me as some kind of threat”

Don’t you sound lovely

You sound completely up your own arse

The word for people like this is 'ex-husband'
HTH
You don't sound compatible or happy.

I think you sound quite confrontational and as if you don’t like him. I’d call it a day, if I was either of you.

My DH would never say that, but if he did I would laugh, and be delighted that he could still surprise me.

I’d say there are two issues here.

1. you know or feel your dp is emotionally abusing you yet you allow him the time and space to do this! What are your own boundaries? What is your self worth? You have been with someone for two years whom you say is always standoffish towards you?! WHY? You are facilitating his behaviour by allowing him to treat you with such disrespect. Personally if someone was standoffish with me or told me to fuck off they would not get another minute of my time!

2. a badly trained dog is not a nice dog to be around! Your dog is showing very poor manners and disrespect to you as it’s owner! It should not be snapping or trying to grab the post before you or snapping atyour hand! Iin effect it sees you as below him in terms of status and the fact you refer to it as your “fur baby” is cringe worthy as well as you referring to your dog with more affection than your dp! It is your responsibility to train and teach your dog good manners and to respect you yet you facilitate it’s behaviour by allowing it to treat you like it does. Can you see the similarities in the two issues above?

I gave a example of something I'd had a word with dp about and you overnightangel have took what I said, judged me and assumed I'm up my own arse? How can you fathom that from a snippet of information? I'm curious....

Just to answer a few questions regarding the dog, he's on a heavy dose of steroids which have resulted in aggression, don't all jump to conclusions at once. I'm sorry but the dog was in my life before I met my DP.

The word 'standoff'ish' could be taken a million ways, I may of used the wrong word, I can't find a word to express what I mean.

I don't think I need permission to leave a relationship, never have.

Zena1973 I didn't know for sure if it wa abusive, some of the other PP said I took it the wrong way, I was unsure. Sometimes I take something completely innocent and brand it abusive because of his previous behaviour.

It's hard to tell just from what you have put here whether or not your OH is a pillock OP. You can leave of your own free will though. You say he has been abusive in the past. You can leave because of that and that alone, let alone the recent stuff that I think you are seeing as an escalation or maybe a change of tactic? Life's too short to stay with someone that doesn't treat you well.

It sounds like you don't like your DP very much and your DP doesn't like your dog very much. DP says you can't take a joke and then you are the one who can't take the joke. Since humans don't ever typically bite dogs, I don't see his comment as a mask for an abuse/just joking thing. Had he say Kick the dog or Hit the dog, maybe - maybe - but BITE the dog? No.

Anyone that makes you feel less of a person, insults you, makes you feel unhappy or inferior is emotionally abusing you! They gave no right to make you feel that way about yourself. YOU have the right to decide what is best for you and act on it. Know your worth!

Sounds as if he's on the defensive...you're on the defensive... its hard work this relationship is it not?

He's jealous of your dog

He's winding you up and you took the bait.
Chill out

I'm jealous of people who get post on a Sunday

You get post on a Sunday?

Is she having an affair with the postman
Perhaps the dog is jealous