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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Ugh feel stupod

26 replies

user1484050576 · 26/11/2017 10:03

My boyfriend cheated on me - that's all fine now we sorted it, drunk mistake done with. Anyway when that was all going on, and he sent me the drunk message apologising and explaining, I woke up to that with his phone not being one or in contact - so instantly I panicked not cos of the incident but he was drunk, upset, probably not thinking straight. I assumed he went out with his best mate, so asked, turns out he wasn't but I had to explain what happened then and just said if he talks to you basically say it's okay. He didn't go back to his flat (he went to his Mams didn't sleep with the gal) but again same happened with his flat mate to the best friend. He's now found out and basically saying I was manipulating him by doing this and that he didn't want me just stayed to shut me up ect... And I Know its anger but I didn't mean it to hurt him, I was just worried!

OP posts:
Original poster
user1484050576 · 26/11/2017 10:04

Great spelling there too 😂

OP posts:
AnachronisticCorpse · 26/11/2017 10:05

Say what now?

NotTheFordType · 26/11/2017 10:07

You're going to have to explain what happened because your OP is incomprehensible, sorry.

How old are you both?

sooperdooper · 26/11/2017 10:07

I have no idea what any of that means....

Kellyopio · 26/11/2017 10:09

I'm lost...

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 26/11/2017 10:15

OPs partner cheated on a night out, and text her to apologise. He seemed upset in the text but when OP read it this morning, his phone was off so she worried. She called his friend and told him the whole story and asked him to pass on the message that she forgives him. Turns out OPs partner was at his mums, not his friends; and is annoyed that OP has told his friend what happened.

I think?

Oysterbabe · 26/11/2017 10:18

Well done Anchor, I had no clue.
Um...so what's the question?

Finola1step · 26/11/2017 10:19

I don't get it. Your bf gets drunk, cheats on you, apologises, you forgive immediately and he is angry at you? If so, he's done a number on you. Got you right where he wants you.

NotTheFordType · 26/11/2017 10:19

But where does the flat mate come into it and what does "it happened again" mean? He banged someone else again? Or OP phoned the flat mate?

RJnomore1 · 26/11/2017 10:19

Whatever it is it allsounds j credibly stressful and as if he is playing the victim.

Get him to fuck you don't need that in your life, you don't live together, presume no kids? No ties, you can do better.

Barbaro · 26/11/2017 10:21

Why did you forgive him? He's a cheater.

GrumpetLikesCrumpets · 26/11/2017 10:22

I think the OP means that her boyf is annoyed because she was phoning around looking for him and telling people who she called about the cheating, the apology, and then asking those people to be kind to the boyf and make sure he's not upset.

For what it's worth, my view is that your boyfriend's reaction is immature and shows that he's not willing to take responsibility for his actions. You have done nothing wrong. Continue to act with dignity, and if he doesn't, leave him behind and continue to do good things with yours with people who appreciate a thoughtful loyal person

ItsHuge · 26/11/2017 10:26

I read the OP as the guy had already cheated once but then nearly cheated again but went home to his Mams instead. 🤷🏻‍♀️

OP, it doesn't matter who is or isn't reasonable in this relationship. It's clearly a crap relationship. He cheats once and then nearly cheats again ad he gets angry with you. Why would you settle for someone that behaves like that. He doesn't sound like the type of 'man' that would make a good life time partner.

Original poster
user1484050576 · 26/11/2017 10:27

Sorry I'm at work so I was trying to type quick. Basically yeah he cheated and we made up, all okay sorted dead and gone with it.
When I got the message it was something I woke up to. So he sent it at 4 and I woke up at 8 or whatever. I didn't know where he was, you could tell he was distressed and everything like that through the message so I texted his two best friends to make sure he was okay. They had no idea where he was but asked what happened so I told them, they're his best friends, I can also trust them so thought nothing more of it.
Like I say we made up, therefore forgotten about it all.
Now my boyfriend has found out that I told his friends - it wasn't something I kept hidden I just totally forgot about it! Now he's kicked off, which I understand. But it's got to the point where he's nasty - saying he shouldn't have took me back. That I'm the manipulative one just being vile - even though he cheated.
Like I say sorry, at work so just wrote it as quick as I could. Thanks!

OP posts:
Gazelda · 26/11/2017 10:29

Bin him. He's cheated and is being nasty to you for something you did out of concern.

ItsHuge · 26/11/2017 10:30

Don't stay with someone who is nasty to you. I'd rather be single than with someone who behaved like that. Wouldn't you?

How old are you both? You sound young. (That's not meant to be a snippy comment). It's just if you are young and don't have kids and a house etc etc it makes even less sens to stay with someone who doesn't appear to like you very much.

Mumguiltisabitch · 26/11/2017 10:32

He took you back?! He really turned that around didn't he? Tell him not to do you any favours and to fuck on off out of your life.

Barbaro · 26/11/2017 10:36

He said he shouldnt have taken you back? Jesus he's done a number on you hasn't he?

Run away. Things won't get better, he's a manipulative dick.

f83mx · 26/11/2017 10:37

Sorry - he took YOU back? say what?

nibora · 26/11/2017 10:38

So his friends know he cheated and that's your fault?

Isn't it his fault because he cheated?

Nellyphants · 26/11/2017 10:40

It sounds to me that he is trying to get you to bin him.

Mulch · 26/11/2017 10:41

Your relationship sounds grim, what would you tell your mate?

NoFuckingRoomOnMyBroom · 26/11/2017 10:50

He took you back? Well that was big of the cheating wanker Hmm
Tell him to go fuck himself & anyone else he fancies for that matter because you're done with him-at least that's what you should do...

AnneLovesGilbert · 26/11/2017 11:01

I wonder why you feel it’s okay for someone who is meant to care about you and be kind and faithful to you to cheat on you and be mean to you.

Please take this opportunity to think about it and whether this relationship and this man is what you really want. Or if you’d be happier and your life better if you walked away now and gave yourself a chance to meet someone really wonderful who deserves you.

You don’t cheat on him or insult him. Why is it okay for him to do that to you?

Get an STD check as you don’t honestly know what he’s been up to. And tell him it’s over and you’re not putting up with his antics any longer.

Fucking around when you have a partner really isn’t alright and you deserve so much better than to just accept it.

ItsHuge · 26/11/2017 11:07

It sounds to me that he is trying to get you to bin him

This is a possibility. Some people are too cowardly and dishonest to break up with people so behave awfully to try and make the other person break up with them.