He told me cheated to 'wipe the slate clean'

[aliceralice123]

Here goes - My partner and I were going through a rough patch and today he told me that in order for us to move forward he wanted to wipe the slate clean and tell me some truths...

Oh but first...
His previous girlfriend of 5 years he cheated on a LOT, so red flags were up at the start.. I gave him the benefit of the doubt.
He slept with someone else when we were dating and lied to me about it, 8 months later he told me.

What I found out today -
A few weeks into the relationship he slept with another girl, at this point we were living together (yes, it moved quickly!). Half way through the relationship he 'snuggled' with a girl on our sofa. Then about 7 months in he kissed someone else whilst on a work trip but 'declined the offer to go back to theirs'.. I found Tinder on his phone by month 10, questioned him, he said he only downloaded it the other day when we were arguing. By month 11 he was in texting convo with the second girl he slept with to arrange seeing her again..

So my question is.. would you get back with someone who had done this all within the first year of a relationship?!

No you deserve better once a cheat always a cheat he's clearly only interested in sleeping around

No!!!!

My ex did this when caught cheating. It's nothing to do with wiping the slate clean and all to do with control and their own warped idea of a conscience.

He can look back and say he told you what he was like so anything he does is your fault. You chose to stay even knowing he was a cheat therefore anything he does is partly down to you... you can't expect him to not cheat.

Run like the wind.

No, of course not.

And you were a bit of a fool to give him the benefit of the doubt in the first place. You're outraged that he did something that was never in any doubt.

This man isn't monogamous and never will be.

If that's a deal breaker for you, then bin him off.

Get rid.
He's never going to change

He's bragging about all this stuff because he has absolutely zero respect for you.
Get rid because IME a serial cheater never stops ever!

Yes he's really telling you who he is. So in his mind that clears his conscience. If you 'choose' to accept that then his conscience is clear and I get that, from a psychological perspective.

An x did that to me (not cheating) but he just did not commit, yet he was a lovely boyfriend on a day to day basis. He told me he wouldn't commit. I accepted that for six months and then walked away. He does not feel he did anything wrong. Absolutely no remorse for having entangled me up in his inclination to use me and his disinclination to commit, no acknowledgement whatsoever that if a woman enters in to a sexual relationship with somebody that she has feelings with then it is hard to be the one who walks away. So I would interpret that he is merely clearing his conscience here. Why is he telling you? Is it a manifesto? Accept me for who I am? Has he offered up any sort of indication that he now feels he was wrong to cheat or that he understands why he did it and will choose not to in the future? or is it just ''this is who I am babe''

No way, he sounds to me a like a disrespectful bawbag

Hmmm...let me think...no, no, no and...oh yea...NO!

Not ever!

My first ever LTB. You'll never have a moment's peace if you stayed with him

Fuck no!
Why on earth would you?
I hope you managed to end it properly over the weekend.
He is no catch.
Throw him back for the next poor victim.
Learn some boundaries and learn to spot red flags far sooner.
Respect yourself and you'll be fine.

What doubt was involved when you gave him the benefit of it?

There's no doubt. He has at least done that. He must have messed with your mind for him to think you will stay after this. Laugh and walk away to a better life.

Run!

Not at all ‘relationship material’. Unless you particularly want your self esteem and wellbeing shattered.

Clearly he’s not willing or capable of change. If he was, he would have altered his behaviour.

You don't need to ask that question, right?

Of course not he is putting your health at risk with potential sti's for the first instance but Christ if he can't be faithful in the first year he will never be faithful and he will just get smarter at hiding it and gaslighting you, run run RUN!!

Leave! Run! How sounds like a terrible, terrible partner.

Show him the door, shove him out of it, close the door and never ever open it to him again.

I don't think you need to ask.

Yes. Wipe the slate clean. Start by wiping the wardrobe clear of his clothes, removing his stuff and deleting him from your contacts and social media entirely.

You deserve better

Thank you for reaffirming my thoughts.

Just an update - we are not together (despite his efforts to try) I have spelled it out to him that I do not want a relationship with him. He continues to attempt to reel me back via various methods, yet also tells me about other girls he fancies and has met... like who does that if they want someone back?!

Anyway before he confessed all this stuff to me I relocated and we were doing the long distance thing, so glad I put over 4500 kilometers between us!

Block him. NC

Yeah :) 4500Km should just about do it.
Now block him.
And feel the weight the lift and the freedom take over!