How long before you fell in love with your dp

[dailydance]

Curiosity here...I've never been in love but I have met men I could have fallen in love with if I allowed myself to (didn't because I was either too guarded or I knew they were the "bad boy" type). So, how long were you seeing your OH for when you fell in love and knew that they were the person for you?

About an hour. Very happily married with children many years later.

About 3 days.

How old are you?

Oh that's adorable @MarmaladeIsMyJam :). Were you not scared? When did you let him know?

Ok I'll own up.. I met someone last month (he lives abroad but is here regularly and will be more so in the future). We were chatting for a few weeks and then met up. He's perfect in my eyes. I've never met anyone like him. I'm scared shitless.

Late 30s @Battleax. Abusive childhood & previous abusive relationships; hence the guard

We both said I love you after about eight weeks but in my opinion that wasnt love but an outburst over whelming feeling...Love takes time to grow I think.

Neglected childhood rather than abusive

Probably about 2 months before I let my guard down TBH. Told him at 3 months.

That said, everyday I think 'god, I didn't properly love him yesterday - THIS is love".

Five years and it's getting stronger every day

I knew almost straight away that I had this strong feeling of wanting to be near him. Love, a couple of months. But it does keep deepening. The love I feel after 5 years now feels different... fuller maybe... than the love I felt when I said ‘I love you’ for the first time.

scribble cross post, and I think we’re the same person!

Love is a chemical reaction and I do not believe you can stop or start it consciously

@LesisMiserable - I've heard people say that about love - were it isn't actually love as that takes time; but then other people I've heard say that it can happen straight away. I'm rather confused about it all.

You have to be brave. As ivy says, you can't really police feelings anyway.

Ah Paperdoll!

OP I think it's about the person you are. My mate got engaged a month after meeting her husband. It never would have happened like that for me - I'm so cautious. It's just not who I am (or DH come to it!)

Love at first sight, in my view, is more about the personalities of those involved than the strength of feeling.

Not to say it's not a real thing, I've seen it! But don't go thinking your relationship is better or worse because of instant feelings of love. It's just who you and the person you love are - not a reflection on your relationship

I think loving each others genitals is pretty instant 😂 but loving each other intimately for better or worse takes time.

I'm not in love with him; but I know I could be very quickly.... time to put on my big girl pants and be brave (and stop being so scared of being abused again )

Said it at 6 weeks but we both could've said it earlier. We skirted around it for a couple of weeks (saying in texts I REALLY LIKE YOU A LOT XXXX)
Been together 6 years, married 3. Day it every day

Until I felt truly and deeply connected to him and knew we were in this for life, about 6 months? We went through a really traumatic experience (victims of a somewhat violent crime) together, which was awful and just a horrible thing to go through with anyone. Up until that point, though I called him my 'boyfriend' I still didn't entirely think we had a future together (we were both working away as expats in a developing country and I assumed probably we'd just end up being friends once we both left our jobs and moved back to our respective countries). But going through everything we did, which I think would have destroyed any relationship that wasn't as strong as ours was, made us realise how serious we were. We pretty much started then planning for the future, how one of us would immigrate to be with the other, where we would plan to live, when we'd get married, etc. We got married 3 years after we met and we've been together nearly 10 years now. It wasn't instant though. The connection was pretty much instant and we were very close and really compatible, personality-wise, interests, sense of humour, values, etc. But I don't think either of us thought anything would ever really come of it other than a fairly casual relationship until that point, even though we really liked each other.

Pretty much straight away, we were engaged after 3 weeks.

What early red flags did you see in your abusive relationship, that you ignored? Are you still a person who would ignore them? If not, then you've changed and learnt and ready to try again. Hope it goes really well for you, but as some wiser than me on MN would say - don't get over-invested too soon and protect your financial and social independence.

This is interesting. I'm in my 50s and in a newish relationship of six months. I have told him I love him several times and I feel pretty sure I do. I recently said to him that he doesn't give away much to me in terms of how he feels. His reply was 'I adore you'. I'm not sure how to take this .... I agree that love does develop more as you get to know someone better and I initially told him in the first few weeks that I liked him a lot. We have been talking about a future together and I'd like to think we're on the same page.

I think I probably fell for dh, hook line and sinker, within minutes of meeting him, only I didn't know it. Everyone around us had worked it out long before we did. Long before we ever even got together. At least, the women did. Apparently most of the men were telling him "You haven't got a chance, mate, she's too fussy"

When did I realise that this was the man for me? I don't really know. It sort of dawned on me after a couple of years.

I'm a bit thick, me. As well as fussy.

The thing is , loving each other or saying you love each other, is no guarantee of anything in this world, romantic love can change in a heartbeat, or fade away, or get stronger, or be amazing but still not enough to bind a couple together, So perhaps we shouldn't put too much store in it. If we feel loved today, in this moment, that needs to be enough. Live in the present and all that.

It sort of dawned on me after a couple of years of being in a relationship with him.