How long before you fell in love with your dp

[dailydance]

Curiosity here...I've never been in love but I have met men I could have fallen in love with if I allowed myself to (didn't because I was either too guarded or I knew they were the "bad boy" type). So, how long were you seeing your OH for when you fell in love and knew that they were the person for you?

I think sometimes people confuse lust and love. Lust is delicious, but rarely lasts without love.

TBH I've no idea how to tell the difference in those heady first few months. I've had lust without love, and the lust soon faded away. That was clear enough.

I've also had my head turned by an utterly delicious man, but fortunately I managed to stop myself, because I could see that he was an arrogant bastard. And I've held myself back from other, equally attractive men, who I didn't feel were right for me. I won't waste time on a relationship that doesn't, or looks like it won't, satisfy. As people have said: I'm fussy.

@DianaT1969 1 relationship there were no early red flags.. psychological abuse started after a year and then turned physical. I was 16.

Another guy I dated - it was obvious manipulation. He was awful at it and it was very obvious. I stuck around for a couple of months out of fascination for how terrible he was at trying to manipulate me (obv I wasn't sleeping with him from that point).

Latest abusive started with love bombing. I had absolutely no knowledge about it and it was only when I joined here that I learned about it. So, didn't ignore an early red flag as such; just didn't know about it.

I have had some "normal" dates/relationships along the way. Nothing long term due to previous work commitments.

@LesisMiserable very insightful! I like that approach and the line of thought. .. a lot less pressure too. Thank you

fedup being adored can only be a good thing, he sounds very genuine which I know I'd prefer than someone who responded the way he thought I would want him to.

I really wasn't sure about my DH at all the first half dozen or so times we met. I'd met him at a work xmas party - I was a last minute stand in and so was he, his lodger worked in the same office block as me. He was older, had a terrible moustache (majorly offputting) and very dubious dress sense . But my mum told me to give him a chance, and I'm so very glad that I did. I'd say it took me around 6 months to really let my guard down and fall in love. We've been married for 25 years next June. It's not always easy, not like it is in fairytales but he's the one person I know I can always turn to and he just "gets" me.

@Cheeseandcucumber Thank you so much! It's been going around in my head. Yes I'm really hoping and think he is genuine.

Two months but I didn't believe it. After a heart break I convinced myself I loved the next one 3 as I needed to get over Mr Heartbreak so I thought here we go again. That was nearly 22 years ago and while we've had some horrible times I still love him and think of Mr Heartbreak

I first met the man I love 23 years ago at university and then we just snogged a few times, I just felt a pull towards him then but we were quite young. Then he came back into my life 9 weeks ago, completely out of the blue, and I knew it was love within two weeks. We met up for the first time in 23 years 6 weeks ago and told each other we loved each other. I'm both utterly thrilled and terrified. Love is an uncontrollable beast.

A few months maybe. Seven good years then eight years of slowly falling out of love.

i think about 4 weeks before i felt what i would recognise as love, although I was quite into him before that. He said he loved me after about a week or two

I like this poem:

Instantly. Or at least knew immediately I had to get to know him and be in his life. We shook hands and I never wanted to let go!

Had a LOT of bumps along the way, but he is fabulous Dad to our dd and I still adore the bones of him.

Very very quickly. We lived together from the day we met (at uni aged 20) and I knew I would marry him within about a week. That was 20+ years ago. I do love that man of mine.

About a year. We weren't together though - just friends. The love grew.

Within a few hours but took ages to let my guard down. Many months and months. Abusive childhood and first marriage so was v cautious next time around. Actually over cautious tbh. Still married after 34 years :)

Oh and we were friends and colleagues for several years before even starting to date. But I thought he was fab from the first time we met.

I knew after three dates that now dh would be a significant relationship measured in years not months.

That was 12 years ago (7married).

I had been single for five years before that and was pretty fussy about who I let in.

But was still getting out of first marriage so was absolutely not up for anything other than just friend outings (in a group) and colleagues on the same corridor. I'm lucky he didn't go off with someone else tbh! Found out a long time after that he was aware I was going through a messy and traumatic (for me) divorce and hung in there, offering support but just as a friend amoungst other friends, and hoped I might like him enough so he could ask me out when it was all over (but not until I was ready)

Which he did. And reader, I married him :)

Although, he's being a right royal pita tonight :)

I thought the whole “love at first sight “ thing was crap...until it happened to me. The minute I saw my DH I thought “ Yep, he’s the guy I’m meant to be with “ .

Same here :) This is reminding me why I'm still married to him :) and

It was like a bolt of lightning between us on our first date.
I knew within a week or two that I was feeling something I never had before (despite two 7yr relationships previously) and I was willing to risk scaring him off by telling him after four weeks

There is a lot of difference between being in love, and loving someone.
In love is really it exciting, almost intoxicating quality. When I found love with my oh, something in me went still and relaxed.
One thing I've learned in life is that if someone can truly see you and accept you as you are, it's love, and that is a really healing experience.

I don't know actually.

I do know that from the moment I saw him, (we met on my first day in a new job) I felt something...not just, cor he's nice, but a physical feeling of being drawn to him. I was rather shocked, and put it out of my mind, mainly because he was with somebody else.

But there was something very special about him, specifically to me.

It took a little while, it was complicated, but we did get together and within about 4 weeks I knew I was right and he was it.

We've been together for 19 years, married for almost 15. I can't ever imagine not loving him.