Another weekend like this

[checkedcloth]

DH and I have had a difficult 12 months. He is a compulsive gambler and this time last year I uncovered he was gambling again despite promising faithfully he wouldn’t, I’d previously threatened to leave if he did.

However, given we had 2 Dcs (7&5) I stayed. But the relationship hasn’t seemed to recover. I feel constantly cross and let down, he has stopped attending GA in th last month which really annoys me - I feel he doesn’t take it seriously.

He has taken on a coaching role at DSs football club, that’s great and DS loves it. But its taking over our lives and every weekend is arranged around this. I’m supposed to be meeting girlfriends tomorrow (happens once a year) and I’ve just found out I’ve got to take DD with me as he is coaching. It’s so difficult for me to articulate how this makes me feel because ultimately DS loves what he is doing.

I remarked that football has become the new gambling in this house. Everything always seems to fit around DH.

Another weekend therefore of being feeling fed up, cross and under appreciated, and I’m not sure how I can go on feeling like this.

I’d love to know if actually I’m just being unreasonable (do tell me) and is this was marriage looks like?

I tried to make it work because of the DCs but I’m becoming increasingly disappointed that this is what life and marriage looks like.

NC4now
I know in my relationship I need to be put first some of the time to feel loved and valued.
It doesn’t always happen and when it doesn’t I get resentful. I had to spell this out to DH though.
You have to be put first or you get resentful. Is this true at work as well and in your other relationships?
You sound very entitled

You missed the bit where I said some of the time. I spend my life putting other people first. My kids, my husband, my job...
I don’t think it’s entitled to want my husband to put me first sometimes. I’m not a martyr. It’s give and take.

Again, I am seeing a conflation of issues.

Why can't a babysitter be organised for the DD? I don't care who organises it. The dad committing to coaching a team seems to be a great step for him. The mum having a get-together with pals is also great. What's the big deal with getting a sitter? As a mother of four who is on an every-other-weekend set-up, sometimes these things just have to be sorted by mutual acceptance of everyone's requirements, rather than him-v-her. Again, I say, arrange a babysitter, then review if the dad coaching is a bigger issue than this particular OP raises.

Shanka the football is dominating every weekend. And the H is springing the sessions on OP. He is not aranging a babysitter and not giving OP enough time to organise one.

the football is dominating every weekend. And the H is springing the sessions on OP. He is not aranging a babysitter and not giving OP enough time to organise one.

miner normally the footy schedule is published well in advance. If it varies week to week, it’s hardly being "sprung". That’s the deal you get with kids sport. It’s part of the commitment if you want little Johnny to play sport. You surely must be aware of this? Try to be a little more dispassionate in your responses:)

As distasteful as it is, income keeps you off the streets. It’s a little known fact amongst the hairy arm pitted feminists.

I tell you what Cleavergreen. I’ll say sod it, get myself a job that’s all about the income. I could earn that additional £15K in an instance in the private sector and my life would be a lot easier.

Howeve, luckily for you and other benefactors to the NHS, I continue to give a toss, work 50 hours a week and as a result you have an A&E department open should you need it.

Cleavergreen - most women, including me, would be on the same or similar salaries as their husbands if we didn't take a career break or cut down hours or responsibilities to look after our children. Nothing to do with hairy armedpitted feminists. My dh would not be able to do his job if I wasn't at home. Unless he employed a couple of full time nannies and housekeepers. Which he couldn't afford.