Honest opinions, what would you Do?

[AskingForAnEnemy]

My husband has asked me to sign a contract to say that if we divorce I won't touch his pension. Apparently when we married he didn't realise his pension would become a joint asset.

When drunk he basically threatened me with a divorce if I don't sign as he'd " rather lose half of everything now than in 20 years time"

He's apologised for that outburst but I'm just curious do people actually make these sort of agreements AFTER getting married? Would I be stupid to sign anything?

Time to make his accusations a self-fulfilling prophecy, I think.

Don't sign anything and start getting your ducks in a row. This does not bode well.

Clearly don’t sign it.... make sure that if (when) you split up you get sight of the cash transfer value of the divorce. He’ll have to apply for it, it’s different to the yearly pension statement. Good luck! x

I would laugh out loud every time I looked at him.

If I could get one of those big foam pointy fingers (that they have at games) I would use one of them also while laughing a lot and singing ‘the winner takes it all’ in the shower every morning.

^ this sounds like a great plan

It is not the fact he is an arse that sticks out to me most. It is more the fact he is a sandwich sort of a picnic basket.

Coming to you with a bit of paper saying "sign this". Haha. What a fool.

Pre-nups do have some force but only with the wealthiest and if specific processes are involved such as full disclosure of assets and means and separate legal advice has been taken. Does not appear you are in that category by a long way.

Divorce the arse's arse. It is great to start out again. You get that golden moment sitting in your new sofa or standing at your own kitchen window watching the sun rise and it feels like life is starting all over again. With a silver spoon in the form of a pension. That's the price to pay for his being an arse.

Just to clarify I do not think he is thinking of leaving, the subject of assets came up and he didn't realise that in the event of a divorce I'd be entitled to some of his pension, he didnt realise is became a joint asset, when he realised this he asked me to sign a contract promising not to touch his pension, but he hasn't just come out of the blue and asked me to sign it, it came from a conversation about assets. I'm pretty sure he doesn't want a divorce (I know none of you are buying that)

I do like the big foam finger and "winner takes it all idea though

I think he has signed something to say if he dies the kids will get everything I'm fairly sure you can't disinherit a spouse like that, not when it's a long marriage with joint DC and where the assets were built up jointly. So you should be ok there.

I don't think you can make a will which deprives your spouse or marital assets either. But only a massive cunt would try to.

I had a 'death in service' benefit, when I joined the company I had to nominate someone to take it in the event of my sudden death whilst employed. I nominated my eldest child, with the stipulation the money would be split between my children.

Might it be something like this that he's 'made over' to the children?

Yes sounds like it zap we weren't married at the time either, it was a few years ago

There are various issues here. As others have said, don’t sign anything.

Pre nups can be useful in informing the courts about what both parties intended to happen to their assets before marriage provided it was an agreement entered into freely by both sides. The problem your husband faces is that he would be making you sign under duress (threat). This really means any agreement is worthless so definitely don’t enter into it. His reasoning is stupid and ill informed.

Regarding any pension lump sum on death. It can be left to whom he wants. It can bypass a wife and people sometimes do this if their wife is well provided for. He should be informed if this has tax implications though as it is not going to his wife.

The other issues are that you do not have a pension and that he has made a will in favour of your children. Have I read that correctly? If this is correct it is foolhardy in the extreme because you have no house that is entirely yours should he die. Half the house would belong to your children as well as all his assets. If that goes over the exemption limit for Inheritance Tax, the estate will have to pay tax at 40% on anything above the limit. Not only that, what happens if your children want to sell the house? It’s half theirs. They could also ask for rent. All spouses should leave their estates to each other in the first instance to avoid such catastrophes. Do you have the house in your name as well as his? If not, that needs to be rectified.

You obviously need to be able to talk sensibly about financial planning. You both need to be better informed about financial
Planning. See a solicitor if he cannot be reasonable and understand the ramifications of what he is saying.

After 18yrs of marriage, my mum having given up her life to raise his 2 children and make a home, my Dad laughed in her face and told her he'd 'see her in the gutter'.

He's now stupidly wealthy and my Mum has struggled like fuck to raise us. Monetary greed is a sickness.

Please protect yourself OP.

With an H like this, I think you should be seriously looking at getting back to work and building your own pension, and financial independence.

I am in work now in a new job so should be getting a pension but my last employers were arseholes who didn't provide one

Why can't he see that you are entitled to half his pension as you stopped working to look after his kids.

Isomnibrat. I think your Mum should have gone back to court to review the financial arrangement for you as children. Financial circumstances change and the
wealthier former husband can be asked for a greater contribution if there is a vast difference between earnings when the maintenance was agreed and a few years later. Did she take any advice on what to do?

Having said that, I find it awful that some men walk away from their children emotionally and financially. They are truly dreadful people.

What is the position regarding his will op?

Absolutely not you stopped work to raise his and your family, then had an employer that didn't do a pension. What does he want the mother of his children to live on in old age, fecking air??? What a disgrace of a man. You both have to make compromises when in a family unit, if that means he has to kiss good bye to a bit of his pension so be it.

What's he going to do when you are both of pensionable age and are still together? It's just bloody odd.

RhubarbKing

Why on earth would he think you'd sign that?!?! Knob!